In marriages when you hear about these people that have affairs and then they stay together; do you think the person that had the affair and feels remorseful really loves their spouse or not?
2007-06-19 15:44:55 · 30 answers · asked by JustWondering 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It really depends on the situation. My husband cheated but while he was doing it he was not the man that I knew and loved. During that time the only honest thing he ever told me was that he didn't like himself and could not respect the man he had become. He was suffering depression and became a different person. I know that he loves me and he really never really stopped loving me he just had to deal with his issues. He now tells me and shows me every day how much he loves me and he thanks god that I didn't give up on him. He can now look back on what he did and be horrified about what his life almost became.
2007-06-19 16:51:31 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a good question and it depends on the situations surrounding the affair. Whether or not the remorse is remorse for the act itself or for being caught. The length of the affair, the steps that were taken afterwards, etc. I've heard of marriages that have actually survived an affair, but of those, I've never heard of one that was happy. It's difficult to imagine someone having love for you when they're lying and cheating.
2007-06-19 22:54:18 · answer #2 · answered by Sondra 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are three elements of love to consider: passion (romance); emotion; and commitment. Their interplay is what determines the love quotient.
The adulterer may in fact be solidly committed to his or her spouse, but may feel little in terms of romantic attraction or emotional closeness. Other times, there is, surprisingly a level of all three.
I sometimes explain it like this. The offender (assuming it's a male for this case) believes he can live in his house with wife and family but believes he can build a cottage hidden in the bushes for his mistress. He thinks he can escape into this little fantasy world and enjoy the benefits without the costs. Meanwhile he has no real intentions of demolishing his house, but he is in fact chipping away at the foundations.
So it's possible that the commitment to the marriage remains strong and is a form of love -- although a very warped one. A person caught in the affair has often not thought through the devastating hurt he will cause his partner and thinks that keeping it hidden will save all of that. He thinks he can have both. That's why, upon discovery, many will abandon the affair in favour of the spouse. It's then they're forced to deal with the stuff that wasn't very healthy in the marriage.
Remorse is measured by the amount of disclosure, by the voluntary accountability, and by the changes the person is ready to make. A repeat affair would signal a deep failure in these regards.
2007-06-19 22:51:31 · answer #3 · answered by waldguy 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If someone cheats, then they don't "really" love you. That's what I think.
Cheating presupposes that you've made a promise of fidelity to someone. In order to have the mindset to cheat, you have to be pretty much mentally divorced from the person you're with because you know good and well that they'll be hurt if they find out. If they don't find out, then you also know ahead of time that you don't care if they ever do. If you did, you wouldn't cheat, right? All that means that there not only is no love there, but also that the respect is gone and the promise is broken.
Remorse... nah, not buying it. Remorse is what happens when the cheater gets dumped by the person they cheated with or they discover that they really don't want to be dumped by their partner and end up alone or with less money in the bank.
Sorry to be so blunt, but that's my opinion.
2007-06-19 22:54:32 · answer #4 · answered by scubalady01 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know for a fact that a person can cheat and still be deeply in love with their marriage mate. There are so many reasons why a spouse cheats and rarely do any of them have to do with whether or not the cheating spouse loves the other. Most of the time the cheating spouse cannot envision his/her live without the mate. What drives a person to cheat? That's another subject worthy of discussion.
2007-06-19 23:14:48 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a very tough question.
Each Affair is different, and while most have similar causes, the people involved are people with their own feelings, and motives.
Read about the affairs in
His Needs, Her Needs,
While the MEN tend to have a tough time breaking affairs, they are not the ONLY gender having them.
What is very funny about this is Men cheat because their wives fail to care for one of Men's basic "NEEDS" weather it's sex, appreciation, or someone to have fun with.
Women do the same thing the only different is there "NEED" tend to be secerity, appreciation, and attention just to name a few.,
Either way Cheating destroys marriages, and only by working to maintain the communication can affairs be avoided.
Hope this helps.,
God Bless
2007-06-19 22:54:17 · answer #6 · answered by Sully 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, I believe that the majority of the couples who are cheating really love each other. Sometimes a spouse cheats because he/she doesn't get what he/she needs from the other partner and they don't have a very good communication. Often, after cheating you realize what you could loose and that it was not worth it. On the other hand, people who are cheating and stay together are doing this for financial reasons only.
2007-06-19 22:54:57 · answer #7 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If they loved you they would never have had the affair because they would be scared of you finding out and the hurt and pain it would cause. You never want the person you love to feel that kind of hurt and pain. I know I am going through it right now from the break up of my 30 year marriage, husband cheated.
2007-06-19 22:48:38 · answer #8 · answered by tannerlady 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it depends.
Some peoples did it just for fun, this peoples they loves their spouse n cheat just for fun, like to challenging their life like went on a adventure. They play it safe n their secret is secure. they still loves their spouse (family)
But.......
Some peoples did it because love fade away, they feel in love with another person n the relationship is more fun n more worthy than being with their spouse. Still stay together, but the chemistry (love) absolutely gone. This couples better off, walk away, separated.
2007-06-19 23:03:17 · answer #9 · answered by Ruby 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No because if there was real love there there wouldnt be any cheating it is more than love. If you have been cheated on you have been disrespected used and your trust has been stomped in the ground the life you have been living is nothing more than a lie. Not to mention the cheater has put your life in danger by having sex with some one else then coming home to you. STD and Aids. Its attempted murder not just cheating.
2007-06-19 22:53:23 · answer #10 · answered by lyttledarlin 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋