I can't keep or make friends for fear of rejection and abandonment, so I just push them away all together and end up feeling incredidbly lonely and depressed. I have Borderline Disorder, so that's why. But I need help overcomming this. How do I stop pushing people way and start making friends?
2007-06-19 14:00:55 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Psychology
You have overcome the first step: realizing that you have a problem with rejection. Now that you understand that you have this problem, you are concious of it, which helps you be aware of "when" and "what" triggers your "rejection mode".
On the other hand you mention that you have a borderline disorder, have you talked to your therapist about how your social life is deteriorating?
If you want to improve as a "friend", a big change can happen once you make "friendship" a personal goal of yours. Although for some it comes natural, for others it's hard but with practice you will be able to enlarge your group of friends.
For starters, if you have certain interests you should research to see if your community has any groups or meetings regarding the hobbies or interests you have.
The internet is also a great way to expanding your group of friends. Sometimes in specialized chats you can find people in your area or close that have same likes or interests.
You can also check if there are any online or local support groups for people with borderline disorders. This way you can see how they have overcome obstacles or delt with things most people might not have experienced.
By subjecting yourself to more people or participating in local events you are conditioning your conduct almost unconciously to be more comfortable around people (or getting more involve for that matter) and this can help you be more comortable with the idea of keeping a friendship.
Below are some resource links you might like :)
2007-06-19 14:36:59 · answer #1 · answered by natibiris 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to speak to a counselor about these feelings. Borderline Personality Disorder is known for having a difficult time making and keeping relationships. It's not your fault but you do need to have someone you can trust to talk to who is well versed on the subject. I don't think you'll find your answer on here. Good luck to you.
2007-06-19 14:10:21 · answer #2 · answered by vanhammer 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Think about it, your already pushing them away so what's there to lose??? Riight? Yeah you're scared of rejection but its worse to not even try. How would you know that they'll like you or not when you didnt even try and be friends with them. If they reject you, then at least you tried right? And also theres more other people out there so just dust yourself off and try again. Sometimes its better to gamble in order to gain ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU GOT NOTHING TO LOSE so dont be scared and keep your head up!
2007-06-19 22:41:41 · answer #3 · answered by Linda 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
BPD is tough to get over... it's difficult to form attachments to people when you think they're going to leave or put up walls all the time. Maybe with cognitive behavioral therapy, self-help books.. or just connected with like minded people (try Internet help sites for these things) you can overcome it.
You need to realize your self worth. Without realizing that you are worth making friends... and realizing that people go away sometimes, regardless if you want them to or not, you are going to have a tough time =(.
You are worth it! Start online or with a therapist and find others to talk about things with. There are others out there who are overcoming the same obstacles you are and know what it's like to push people away.
Good luck!!!!
2007-06-19 14:10:10 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Try to start by simply talking to people. That is, instead of trying to "push them away" or "get out of their presence" as soon as possible, try just talking to them for a minute or two. You will be surprised how many friends you can make just by carrying on short, simple conversations from time to time.
2007-06-19 14:09:09 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you can not get this answer online... borderline personality disorder is a life-long struggle that if you are really committed to working on, you need to seek treatment by a professional.
the first step is making an honest commitment to yourself to change. don't use a diagnosis as an excuse.
2007-06-19 14:05:25 · answer #6 · answered by cat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have the same problem
2007-06-19 14:12:30 · answer #7 · answered by Cpalms 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
don't try so hard if you think you have a problem then its u but I would try to relax if I were you
2007-06-19 14:09:28 · answer #8 · answered by samurai 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if someone rejects u.......just dont care.........have other people to be therer for u.............make friends and u'll no who u can trust and who u cant
2007-06-19 14:19:02 · answer #9 · answered by Josue 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
because it is better than getting hurt
2007-06-19 14:08:09 · answer #10 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋