what is your take on husbands who spend all their free time on porn and dating webites? We have talked about?

Question

it and he doesn't think there is anything wrong with it. We just got married. He says he is just looking around but also emailing. He says its a game. I think he is addicted and needs help. He says its just for fun. Why doesn't he think this is wrong and will not stop. Is this a sickness? Do I leave only after a few months or try to help him? In the meantime I am going absolutely crazy inside. I can't stop thinking about what he is doing when I am not around. Frustrated!!!!

Answer 1

That's not a good sign. He should be spending his free time with you. And dating sites, he's looking to meet someone else. You make the call on what you should do.

Answer 2

Porn isn't necessarily a bad thing, but feeling ashamed about it and hiding it from you is definitely a problem. If he spends this much time surfing porn, it likely isn't something he's every going to completely give up (at least not over the next few decades). You need to find a way to reconcile this within your relationship so he doesn't have to hide it and you don't feel threatened by it. The sexual component to your relationship should be an open dialog between the two of you. You might consider counseling to help break down some of these walls. It did wonders for my wife and me. She dragged my kicking and screaming to our initial appointments, but the reward of being totally open with her about absolutely everything was worth it, we were able to reach a whole new level of intimacy...and developing strategies for keeping those pathways open has given our family the fighting chance we deserve.

Answer 3

If this is what he is doing after just a short time in the marriage, what do you think he will do as time passes? He is playing with fire and someone's gonna get burned. Why would be visit a dating site if he isn't looking for a date? How do you know he hasn't already gone on a date? I would tell him if he wants to play games, try football or golf or something, but get off the computer or your next game will be fast pitch at the lawyer's office! Make sure he knows this is a "deal breaker" as Dr. Phil would say. Don't give in if you tell him it's you or the porn/computer dating sites and you catch him even one more time. Good luck!

Answer 4

Ah hun! I can identify with you totally, my ex used to do this. The porn sites are not so bad, all men love porn, its the dating sites that are more worrying because there is a chance he might meet someone and cheat. I agree with you it is highly addictive and for him quite entertaining, but totally unappropriate for a married man.
I doubt he is doing it really other than for what he says, for fun, especially as you are just married, Im sure he loves you very much and has no intention of meeting women from the dating sites, but it is a dangerous game he is playing, though he thinks it is innocent, it could very easily result in him having a "connection" with one of the women and ending up going further.
My advice to you is to play him at his own game - join in, put your own profile up on dating sites, be open about it - tell him you want to have a bit of fun too and look around. You dont even have to use a real profile for the free ones, just make one up, but im sure that once the boot is on the other foot he will realise the insecurities he is creating, as he starts to feel jealous and worried about what you are doing.
Good luck honey - you can get over this and dont throw your marriage away, he is just being very thoughtless and needs to realise this behaviour is not acceptable now he is committed to you, fun or innocent as it may be, your feelings should come first. But he is clearly quite selfish and the only way for him to realise its wrong is for you to give him a taste of his own medicine. Let me know how you get on.

Answer 5

YOu need to let him know that you two are married and his free "fun" times should be spent with You~ not on pron sites and emailing ppl for games/fun*
Let him know under no uncertain terms that he has a problem and needs help..you'll stand by him if he gets that help, otherwise..you will not be living life that way. Married for a short time or for many years...It's something you feel strongly about...and disapprove of....and is a sickness...If he isn't willing to give that up but to lose you instead...then so be it. I couldn't live life that way either if my man was addicted to porn sites and other sites of meeting ppl etc. You're right, who knows what he's doing when you're not around* Frustrated=is an understatement.
Communication Trust and Honesty are the Keys to a long healthy relationship* Without those you have nothing.
I'm not saying to leave at the drop of a whim everytime the going gets tough...but this definately isn't a good way to be starting your marriage~ With him not respecting the fact that you've asked him not to visit porn and dating sites...I would perhaps even bring the subject up to your parents or to his...and see if they confront him for the help he needs. He honestly in his own mind, doesn't see a problem with it..so until he can confront himself on it and be honest with himself that he's going on these sites so many hours per day, or is not going out to do fun things together, as he's too involved on these sites etc* He may be super peeved to find out you discusssed this with either your family or his or both, if you do decide to..until he comes to the realization that this is destroying your new marriage as he's not respecting what you have to say on this subject!~
If he still continues and doesn't care about How this is making You Feel...then tis time you get the wedding annulled. No sense wasting years with this man who continues to go to pron sites and dating services. If the judge asks why you want the divorce so soon you can be honest and say You wont live your life with this man who doesn't respect you and continues to go on FOR FUN/FREE SPARE TIME...to PORN sites and DATING Services*~ You've tried to work it out..but he loves that more than you*

Stay strong and don't let your life be ruined because of Him* If he won't listen..time to move on NOW * what kind of marriage would you be living in..YOu wouldn't be happy, there would be no trust! Tis not worth it*

Best wishes* May the Angels Always be With You

If you can't be open and honest about this with each other and work this out, your marriage willbe goin no where. GOODLUCK

Answer 6

did you ahve any idea of this before you got married?
did you give him the idea it was ok with you but now with the ring on your finger you want to change things?

or perhaps you truely had no idea?

either way this is a very serious unfortunate position you are in. porn is addicting. porn can lead to further needs that the eye can not satisify. the fact that he sees nothing wrong with it even though you are truely disturbed shows little concern on his part for you his brand new bride.

this is bad. this will probably get worse.
you need to decide if you can live with it or are your standards higher than porn provides.

good luck. it is a very hard thing to stop.
even if one desires to stop and hubby does not sound at all that he cares.

Answer 7

I am sorry you are suffering in this way. i would feel slighted too in your situation. Talk to him and try to reason with him. He is suffering from an addiction but more than that he is not committed if he refuses to do anything to stop himself from this behaviour. Many husbands may have the odd peek at porn but at the end of the day are attentive to their wives. Ignore those who try to lay blame at your door. This man is not capable I think of empathy as to the hurt he causes and probably not just to you.....he may be giving false hope to womenn on line and leading them a dance too. I would try to improve through communication and if he is unwilling then maybe it is time to accept he is possibly not the man for you. I snense that it could be an abuser victim situation and you need the strength to deal with it in the way that is best for you.....if this means seeking the help of a councellor then please do for your sake. Life is too short to suffer pain and humiliation.

Answer 8

I hate to advocate leaving, but if he refuses to get into counseling to deal with this serious addiction, then you might have to to save your own life. This is a very, very serious addiction that will ultimately destroy your marriage anyway.
I think you need to make it very clear that while he may think this is a game, you're not playing a game and you are not going to waste your life with an addict, period. You're probably going to see how self-centered he really is and quite a bit of lying. If you didn't know this before you married him and you think you'll need to leave, try to get the marriage annulled under the basis of fraud.

Answer 9

First of all, I am so sorry that you are going through this. I have been there. It is frustrating. Yes, it can be a problem and very addictive. My husband would sometimes spend our bill money. I tried to be very patient and TRY to understand, but man was I hurt while it was going on. I went to my pastor and he said not to taske it personally. That it wasn't that he did not love me, but at the same time that I needed to explain to him that this is a form of cheating and it was unacceptable. HAng in there, pray, and suggest therapy for both of you. Good luck!!!

Answer 10

Its wrong. That time should spent with you. Online porn is deceiving many. Its gets into ones mind and create a fantasy. Then fantasy become reality to them. The spouses cannot complete their fantasies the man will will else twhere to complete their fantasy. They will become more distant than before because onlly the images on the screen can fulfil them.If you cannot talk to him try to get him help for addiction before its too late. Your marriage may br ruined because of this. If love him get him help.

Answer 11

He has an addiction I think. Let go and let God, it doesn't have to do with you, it sounds more like he is obsessed with getting off, and has some emotional health issues going on. Clearly he is compensating to 'feel good' which is primarily why addicts do what they do. He needs help. See ifyou can get him to a therapist or psychiatrist. He may need some attention for a depressive condition he is masking?? It is not a game, it is hurting you and it has to stop.