Should I have another baby if I cant find a job?

Question

I am a 21 year old married mother of a 3 year old boy. I've been a stay at home mother ever since I had my son. I've been looking for a job for about a year now here in Shirley, NY and I cant seem to find anything. I've sent my resume to numerous companies and nobody calls me back. I am fraustrated of trying. My resume is not bad...but the few companies that have called me are out of my way from home and dosent pay for day care. My husband wants me to have another baby....but I really want to work and become independent and have a professional job and money in my pocket to buy whatever I want. I am so confused. Any suggestions as to what I should do with my future? Everyone tells me my son needs a brother/sister but just thinking about continuing to be a stay at home mom with no social life for another 3 years drives me crazy!!!! I want a social life but at the same time I want another baby too. Please give me advice.

Answer 1

The perfect time to have a baby is when you are fortunate enough to have a husband that has a descent enough job that you do not have to work. BUT you are very young. Personally, from my own experiences, there's nothing wrong with having only 1 child. and if you dont feel like you want another baby right now, by all means, do not do it just to satisfy your husband. and how isyour relationship with your husband? i wouldn't let the fact that you haven't founda job yet, be my determining factor on whether or not I had a baby. sounds like you're settling for what you really dont want. do not ever settle! you need to discuss these feelings with your husband as well. and how old is he? i wouldn't give up just yet on finding a job. you seem as though you're thirsting for socialization and if you have a baby now and dont continue to find that job, you'll find yourself miserable and wondering for years what it would be like if you hadn't of decided to have a nother baby. of course babies are always nice, but would it be better to find yourself a great job, descent pay and one that you enjoyed and THEN have a baby that you could better financially support?
good luck, you have a tough decision to make. but dont get too hasty! slow down and take a deep breath!!

Answer 2

If you and your husband are looking at wanting a baby and your husband can afford the extra mouth then why not do it?

What I am hearing is that you are isolated with the three year old and fear the same will happen with the new baby.

What I am also hearing is that you want your own spending money.

What I would suggest is this:

Try and find a parent-tot group where you can go and meet other moms and dads and go for coffee with them. I know in some cities some movie houses have mom and baby day where they play a family oriented movie for the moms and toddlers to hang out together.

I would talk with your husband about your concern about finances as well as you wanting your own money to buy things without having to feel guilty about asking for it or using it for the bank account.

Here's another way to look at it - mathematically:

You are 21 and have at least another 45 years in the workforce to figure out what you are going to do or want to do.

You only have about 20 years left to have a healthy child before the risks begin to kick in.

Having children within a few years of each other is more preferable than having them ten years apart especially when they get older and depend on each other for support when you and your husband are past away.

In the end, you need to do what you are comfortable with. You said you wanted another child but I heard the other things in there that I already pointed out.

Answer 3

If you go to work you will not have much in the way of extra money. You will be paying childcare, transportation to and from work, clothes for you for work, spending more money eating out because you're too tired to cook, etc.. If you stay home and have another child and when both kids are in school full-time, go back to work part-time so you can be home with them when they are out of school in the afternoons. I would save like crazy during the school year so you can afford to send to a very nice, highly regarded summer camp/day care during the summer months. I think it's great that you want to work. You have some choices to make. I hope you make the right ones for the kids.

Answer 4

If your husband and you agree to have another baby that is fine, but I read that that is not what you really want to do. You first must be on the same page with this issue. No one can answer this for you as they are not in your shoes. I think having a child because you can't find a job sounds silly. You have to come to some agreement between the two of you.

Answer 5

you need to l0ok for a job
if u have degrees then it woun't be hard finding a job

but before you have another child u need a job so u can be stable

having a social life is fine.but u need to l0ok at how your family will survive..u cna have another child at 25 just so the next few years.your finacialy and socialy happy.

don't stress about having another child rite now.
have your husband find your son a day care thats affordable and nice with nuthing wrong with it(mean workers and doesn't kno how to treat children.etc)

but get a job that is like the next town over or something.


just don't let the pressure of wanting another child stress you out,

k,hope that helps

Answer 6

Why don't you take the opportunity to go back to school for a couple of years and take a course that will be financially beneficial to you in the future, this way you can have your other baby and have a high paying job to go to after the babys born. You should be able to get financial assistance for your education. Just a thought!!!

Answer 7

We have one child, a boy, and no others. He grew up just fine as an only child. Don't buy the "he needs a sibling" story - do what's right for you.

If you want a job, and have to pay for day care, go ahead and do so. You can't expect your employer to cover everything you need. They don't provide housing, or cook for you, do they? You can take care of some of your needs yourself, I hope.

Answer 8

Don't listen to what "everyone" is telling you. If you don't want to have another child and want to start a career, then keep trying to get a job.
Try some online postings like monster.com. Take some evening classes to get better job skills.

Answer 9

Nobody can answer this for you. You have decide what you want and what makes you happy. Once you have made your decision talk to your husband and work through it. If he loves you as much as it soulnds like he does you all will be just fine. Just be sure that you are making your decisions for you and not someone else otherwise you will never be happy. God Bless. I will keep you in my prayers.

Answer 10

If your husband can support the family, and afford another child, and there's enough rooom in the house for the kid...
Have another baby! And start making friends with other new moms in the neighborhood.