How do i get my controlling Asian parents to start treating me like an adult?

Question

I'm 18 now. and yeah people say once you've get to that age you think your grown and that u know it all. But i dont believe that is the case because if you ever had asian parents you know what kind of a struggle it can be. I'm not a bad person. i work for them at their business.I dont smoke or drink. I'm not a big partyer. But once every now and then maybe i would like to jus chill with my friends or go to the movies. But they bust up my phones calling me telling me to go to work..and i feel so guilty when i dont go because i know i owe them so much. Every time they call i dont pick up i get nauscious. only because i just want time for my life and i dont wanna hear it when i get home. I want really bad to just tell them to just treat me like an adult and jus give me freedom...How do i do that?

Answer 1

Just....say...."no".

Tell them (respectfully) "thank you very much for your suggestion but I've decided to do this instead."

If they disapprove of your choice at that point then tell them (respectfully) "Thank you very much for your opinion."

Then tell them you love them, or however you express loving feelings for your parents, and say goodbye, and go do what you wanted to do.

Get a cellphone, and if they interrupt you say "Please excuse me, I'm on the phone at the moment. I'll be happy to call you/talk with you when I'm off, thanks."

It wasn't real clear if you live with them too, or just work at their business and live elsewhere. If you live in their house, move out. If you work for them, you MAY want to consider working elsewhere if it just gets to be too much.

In other words, if you want your freedom YOU are going to have to take it. Just do it bit by bit, and the entire time showing them that you love and respect them, but be FIRM in your choices and how you ALLOW them to interact in your life. The thing is to do it respectfully, but do it. Don't give in even once or they will see that and push even harder.

Answer 2

I TOTALLY know how you feel, asian parents are ALWAYS controlling. It's just in their nature and culture. They were raised up that way by their own parents too. They do love to make you feel guilty all the time. My parents were always asking me to help out with everything. I was also a good kid, never smoked, drank or did drugs, never even cut school before. I started working the family business since I was 13. Even now I'm married and have a daughter, they still call me up to do things for them. The only advice I could give is just sit down with them and try to explain to them that you're young and you need time to just relax and have fun once in a while. You could do a schedule where you agree to work a certain amount of days with no argument but set up one or two days out of the week which will be your time to go out and have fun. I'm not guaranteeing that it's going to work, but hey it's worth a try!! btw, i got my (well some) freedom when i went to college three hours away!

Answer 3

Family businesses are good AND bad.
They keep the kids out of trouble and focussed, but they also exploit children. This is the way the U.S. economy operated until the 1950's, when more people were able to get higher education and develop their own careers outside of their family and small towns.
Know that there are some positives to your situation----you are getting training as an employee, you can have family-time and work-time at once, and hopefully, in the far future, you can inherit. See those positives clearly in your mind---see them helping you grow as a person.
But, don't let the "small-business" culture of the situation limit your mind or self-image. Money-earning, and a family amassing money is not the same as success. Success is self-development and self-fulfillment. This should not be limited, and "small." If you make money and are miserable, there is really no point.

Making money and family security is a good goal for the 19th Century. But in the 21st century, lots of attitudes and habits have to change.

For most people at 18, they MUST save money to control their own lives and education later, so most people are in the same boat you are.
But what you OWE to your family is to be a great person---you are not a charity case they have taken in off the street. You are their investment in the future, and you are priceless to them, even if they will not realize it. Treat yourself as a priceless person right now.

Whatever "off" time you have, use it to socialize. Treasure your friends and treasure yourself.

Answer 4

Wow, I kind of don't know what to say. First of all, let me just say to never yell at them or disobey them because they're being unfair. That'll just make them think that you're immature and that you haven't grown up. Be in subjection to them (although we all know how hard that could be) and try to understand them. Try putting yourself in their shoes. They probably love you so much and they see how bad this world is getting and they're concerned about you. They see you as a young adult who might end up making big mistakes that you'll end up regretting. They probably feel that the only way they could protect you is by controlling you, which they shouldn't do but they probably feel obligated to. They're protecting you by being overprotective and controlling. To be honest with you, the best thing that you can do is respect them and communicate with them. You HAVE to express your feeling to them. Tell them how you feel, and that you feel that you've done enough in order to be able to go out and have fun once in a while. Be understanding, and most of all, honest. Does that make sense?

Answer 5

Are you are living at home and working with them?!

This is not good....yea, you cannot learn to be your own person if you don't get out and experience it.
You can either move out of the house and work for them, or live at home and get another job, OR move out and get another job.

If you change jobs give them notice. That's what an adult would do.

You don't have to do it all at once though, you can ween yourself away from them. It might be nicer and easier on all of you that way.
good luck.

Answer 6

Move out of their house, that should give you some freedom. If you are already moved out, don't pick up the phone when they call, and just say you were out working ;)

Answer 7

Adults live on their own, not with their parents.
Adults go out and find their own jobs.
Adults tell their parents that they are adults and to stop treatming them like a child.

But see, you have to pay the cost to be the boss. That means you have to be fully supporting yourself and out of their sphere of influence for them to see you as grown. Until all those things have been accomplished, you are stil a child in their eyes and they still have the right to tell you what to do, how to do it, and when and why and where.

Answer 8

Well, if you want your own life the first thing you need to do is get a job where mommy and daddy are not your boss.