My fiance and I met on yahoo personals. I fell hard for him and we moved in together after a year of dating. I lost a baby and went alittle clingy. Three months ago I considered leaving because I found that he had a bogus (non-searchable) personals page on yahoo. He told me he had no intention of ever cheating or even flirting, just wanted to look out of bordum and habit. So ever since then I have been ultra sensitive about his net activities. I found the porn site groups and all. I asked him to stop and he said he would if I quite smoking. He said if he fell off the wagon and looked he would tell me....I am so confused I want to belive that this is all just a guy thing and he really does love me. Is it going to go away? Will he be honest? He treats me good, we don't fight, he acts in every other aspect like I am #1...Don't tell me to watch it with him though because he hates to talk about sex and feels uncomfortable that I even know about him watching porn (??)
2007-06-19 11:54:54 · 17 answers · asked by melbe710 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He likes porn but hates to discuss sex or be open about his sexuality with HIS WOMAN???? You gotta be kidding me!
Girlfriend, if you two are going to get married, you have to accept taht sexual compatiblity and trust are really the two key ingredients that make a marriage work long-term. You don't have to like him all the time, but you better trust him all the time! And you can be mad at him all you want, but when he touches you or you touch him, there better be some tingling going on in unmentionable parts of your body!
If you cannot relax and be who and what you are sexually with your mate, your relationship doesn't stand a chance. THere will be hiding, lying, shame and embarassment. You will both withdraw from the other as your walls of distrust grow ever larger. You two have GOT to get this resolved.
ANd not fighting isn't going to do it. You need to blow up at him and get this issue out on the table. Stop hiding and pretending its all wonderful.
You want to sleep with this man the rest of your life, right? You better be able to comfortably tell him what you need in bed and out of it, and the same goes for him. If not, this marriage will never work.
2007-06-19 12:19:32 · answer #1 · answered by Ms. HeartBeat 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No. Here's why: 1. You can report the abuse to a teacher, school counselor or simply call the police. 2. If you report the abuse, you won't have to live with her anymore. Even if you do end up staying in the household, once you're 18 you can move on and begin living your own life and you won't even have to see your mother again. 3. Stop being friends with them and make new friends. 4. If you've never had a relationship with him, then it's not love. No matter how strong your feelings about him are, you can't simply can't experience romantic love without first knowing someone intimately (I don't mean sex, I mean having an deep interpersonal relationship — sharing thoughts and experiences with each other). 5. You don't really want to kill yourself, you just want your life to be better. And it can be. It will be. The bad friends and the guy you think you love - those things won't even matter in a few short years. The family issues are obviously more significant, but with some help and counseling, you'll be able to work through those issues so that it won't affect you when you eventually start your own family.
2016-05-20 00:45:18 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Right now he is being VERY defensive. It is difficult to make promises when one is painted into a corner. One will do and say anything just to get out of that corner. Will he probably look at porn again? Yes. Will that devastate your relationship or marriage? Probably not, because there are more porn videos rented in the USA than any other kind of videos, and if it damaged every relationship then no marriages or relationships would exist today.
But, from what you have said, there are red flags all over this relationship. You don't trust him and doubt him. He won't talk about sexual issues. You are intent on killing yourself (slowly, with cigarettes). Be aware and honest. There are issues here that a man backed into a corner cannot honestly answer.
Perhaps counseling is in order. But, beware. Men tend not to change.
2007-06-19 11:57:40 · answer #3 · answered by John B 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Give up smoking then see if he keeps his word on the porn before you stress....
With losing the child were you or are you now back to a "normal sex life" i know that is tough but will make huge difference he may just look for the sake of it if not getting any to take pressure off you....which is good as he considering you in feelings but didn't think this would hurt you.....
If you are not back to normal get yourself some help to do that in terms of dealing with the loss......
Don't break-up over it it just a rough patch ...he sounds like a good guy and one to try to work with rather tha distrust immediately
2007-06-19 12:12:06 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look here! I might not be your age but I know one thing if he is uncomfortable about talking about it he is STILL DOING IT!
Okay he doesn't want to talk about it because he is guilty, he might treat you like a queen but he isn't being a honest king. If you want a healthy relationship you need to be able to trust him because right now your trust factor is on E. Empty! I am not saying search through his stuff because if you have to be inspector that means you need to get out and move on, but you will know when he is not doing it because it will show. I mean if a man feels uncomfortable about something and it isn't about death, harassment, or a childhood or past event he is still doing it. His actions will speak louder than words. And another thing don't get all clingy like you need him because the only people you need is your family, jesus, and YOU! Okay! and don't you forget that, I mean I understand you lost a baby but don't let it get disappointed when it looks down from heaven and it sees its mom getting distreated! Stand strong and do what is right for you! Good Luck I hoped I helped out some!
2007-06-19 12:05:42 · answer #5 · answered by lil_b 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This happend with me. My girlfriend found out I was watching porn. And I had been lying about it. Well needless to say there was a big fight and she no longer trusts me about it. I have not watched porn since and she is still worried that I have. It has been 6 months. I am sure that if he realy wants to change he will. But many people who say they will change just find better ways to lie about it.
2007-06-19 11:58:27 · answer #6 · answered by Sgt. Crabbs 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Is him watchin a lil porn really that big of a deal? Give him a break, GEEEEEEZ. Ur smoking is gonna kill ya, him watchin porn isnt hurting anyone. You said he loves you and treats you well, stop being so insecure, and let him watch a lil porn!!
2007-06-19 12:39:07 · answer #7 · answered by YUMMY1 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sex addiction is becoming increasingly rampant because TV escalates it and the Internet escalates it even more. This is not something to ignore. Watch for signs of increased use of the Internet, money disappearing, asking you for unusual sexual favors, or wanting sex more or less often. An excellent site for more information is www.sexhelp.com
2007-06-19 12:02:03 · answer #8 · answered by brighterdayscounseling 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
If you feel that you could trust him why are you trying to control him? give him his space and he will give you yours. It also sounds the type that he doesn't like to express himself about intimate issues, don't press him but little by little let him know that you are ok to talk about it. But I think its only fair that if you want him to stop something you should in return! this is call willing to compromise!! it will work! good luck!
2007-06-19 12:14:47 · answer #9 · answered by alma c 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Porn is an addiction and is as hard to quit as smoking. I think the odds of him quitting are low.
2007-06-19 12:00:20 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋