He made me feel like he did not marry the right girl.?

Question

My husband was talking last night about his frustration about their not being enough intamacy in our relationship (I am not really a physical person i have autsim/heart failure) but when he was yelling he was saying things like I never messed around before marriage because I thought I would do that stuff with my WIFE, and be able to share that with my WIFE. He did not say share that with ME. This makes me feel like he's angry at me for him possibly marrying the wrong person, it felt almost to me like he was angry about his choice......did he mean it that way?

Answer 1

Ouch! Honey, the man is regretting he didn't sow his wild oats, because he doesn't feel like his needs are being met now.

You need to up the physical aspect of your relationship. It is very important to men, thats how they feel loved. DOnt use your health as an excuse ..... if your doctor tells you that sex is a problem that is one thing....but otherwise, just plain feeling "blah" really isn't a reasonable excuse week after week after week.

As the saying goes: Fake it til you make it. If you force yourself and actually try--you might enjoy it more. But do NOT act like you are making some great sacrifice...ain't nothing fun or sexy in that for him.

Honey your man is giving you a wake up call that his needs arent being met.....and that he is wondering what else is out there. I think you should answer the call.....or risk your marriage.

Answer 2

I am quite certain that he did not mean his comments that way at all. He was simply commenting that he had certain expectations of the marriage relationship and, so far, that hasn't come about. Both of you have to realize that marriage is a commitment to one another, "for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health" even if those aren't the words you spoke when you married.

By that, I mean that the two of you have to stick together, to figure out what the problems are together and to find solutions together. That may be difficult for you because autism has the effect of making you feel isolated and learning to cope alone when what you need to do is to reach out to one another and depend on one another. In any event, start out by discussing how his remarks made you feel, and give him the opportunity to explain what he actually meant. Then perhaps the two of you can begin to work together on your mutual problems and not struggle alone any longer. Best wishes to both of you.

Answer 3

Sweetie it doesn't mean he doesn't love you. every guy knows what he's getting into when they get married. P;us he was just talking out of anger and frustration you both need to sit and talk and you should ask him what he would out of your marriage and what things you could do to satisfy him and in turn you should do the same. In order for a marriage to work a couple needs to sit and talk about these things.

Answer 4

He was talking about his dating experiences. I assume that your were not his only GF ever? So that he would think to himself, no, I am going to be a virgin on my wedding night, because I want to give myself to my wife.

You see? You are his wife, the woman he was planning on, being true to even before you met. Maybe there's intimate things the two of you can do to feel closer, but not endanger your weakened heart.

Good Luck and God Bless.

Answer 5

Hello there,

To answer your question: No, he did *not* mean that way.
Please read the comment (on this thread) made by a previous poster called "bridalbecca". You can trust her comment. We -- the people without autism -- are used to speaking in complex structured sentences. We use figure of speech. That's why, your husband said "my WIFE". His WIFE and YOU are the *same* thing. Unfortunately, it's how WE (people without autism) talk. It is difficult to understand, I know.

The first thing I have noticed about you and your husband is that you both are going through COMMUNICATION problems.
You both are MISUNDERSTANDING each other's speeches.
The reason for this communication difficulties is: autism.
The solution is: you need to attend social skills workshops designed for autistic adults. Plus, your husband needs to attend (it is **very** important) workshops that teaches HOW to communicate with someone with autism.

I have been reading your questions for quite a while and honestly I feel *extremely* concerned about you and your marriage. First of all, let me make it absolutely CLEAR that people on this forum are *not* in a position to accurately evaluate your situation. All you need is PROFESSIONAL COUNSELING. Period. If you want to save your marriage, then you need professional counseling.

Now, I have gotten a few questions for you. Feel free to email me via Y!A service. If you don't know how to email me, then mention it in your question here, and I'll email you first.

My questions are:
1) How old are you?
2) How long are you married for?
3) How old is your husband?
4) Does your husband know that you have autism (EXTREMELY important)?
5) When were you diagnosed with autism and what are your conditions like?
6) Besides your husband, do you know of any other person whom you are close with [I don't mean sex, of course]? I mean do you have friends, family and relatives who you trust and share your secrets with?
7) Are you in touch with any autistic group or community in your area [*extremely* important ]?
8) Do you attend any social skills workshops designed for autistic/ aspie adults [*extremely* important]?

You see, most people on this forum have a very VAGUE idea about autism. They do *not* know about it. You MUST seek counseling from a professional, trained in medical background -- someone who is knowledgeable about autism.
You need psychological counseling as well. Please know that *any* person would need psychological, marriage or other counseling in sometime in their lives. It's nothing got to do with insanity.

Hope this helps. We are moving to a new house so I won't be using the internet for a week or so. I'll be available on the net afterwards and I'd be more than willing to help you out. Please feel free to email me. I feel for you both.

Lots of love.

Answer 6

You may need to talk to your husband, cause honestly he knew your situation before you met him. You don't marry a person just for the sex, you marry because you love them, need them in your life, and enjoy your company. Tell him that he must understand your situation, and making you feel less than a woman is not acceptable. Honestly, if you are not giving it to him because you don't feel the need to... look more throughly into that feeling, otherwise talk to him about your feelings and emotion and see how you guys can work with that issue where it is comfortable for you, and where he can be pleasured to his need

Answer 7

I honestly do not think he meant it that way...my husband has done the same thing. I think he was speaking in more of a general term if that makes sense. he was probably trying to say, in the past he thought that but because he didnt know who his wife would be, he just used a general term.

Answer 8

No, he just took his frustration out on you. If he felt that way, he would be gone. I suggest counsiling for you two. And my son is autistic. He can't help not liking touch. I get mad at him sometimes and had to bite my tongue about being hurt. It will be okay. Try counsiling.

Answer 9

I didn't know if you had heart failure you don't like/can't enjoy physical contact. Do you think he married the wrong person?

Answer 10

Intimacy is important. Find a way for him to get his needs met from you or from someone else. It is not fair to him. Wake up each morning and say, what can I do today to make him happy. Good luck