I work for a construction company as a secretary and I am around men all day long. I am happily married to a man and we have been together for 7 years. He knows I love him and adore him. He always gets so mad when another guys tries to hit on me. Shouldn't that serve as a compliment to him... someone else likes something that you have? It is kinda like "Hey Man, Your wife is HOT!" I don't want him to dislike the guys that I work with. I want everyone to be cool with one another. I am faithful to my husband so he has no worries of me cheating. HELP ME!!!
2007-06-19 09:35:43 · 17 answers · asked by crystal g 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
it's an awkward situation, to be perfectly blunt. you see, you have to consider his position. while he is impressed that other guys think you're hot, and that strokes his ego, you have to understand that every male who expresses an interest in you as a threat to him. he is not mad at you, he's threatened by these other guys. it doesn't matter whether or not you have given any indication of cheating. the fact remains that he is hard-wired with a biological territoriality that will always be with him. it's from our days as cavemen, defending our caves against homewreckers. we men defend what we have from all comers, for all reasons.
2007-06-19 09:41:22 · answer #1 · answered by begeeman13 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree about the compliment, personally. There are, however, a number of reasons, many quite legitimate, why guys get angry.
First, he may be insecure in the relationship, or with himself, even after seven years together. This depends on a lot -- even if he trusts you completely, he could still be negatively triggered because of past experiences with other women in similar situations.
Second, he could feel disrespected, or feel that you are being disrespected. Saying, "She's HOT" is more than quietly and politely complimenting him on how attractive you are... it's actually a pretty vulgar thing to say, especially to someone you aren't close friends with. Complimenting you, furthermore, is one thing -- but clearly "hitting on you", when you are obviously with someone, is blatantly disrespectful to you husband.
Guys get like this who are possessive, jealous and controlling, also, when another male seems to be competing for their "property". Let's hope that's not the case with you.
On a final note, though -- what does he say when you bring it up? Have you asked him in a nondefensive way (that is, not coming across like you are defending the guys at work or putting their feelings over his), trying to see his point of view? If I knew how he responded to this, I could provide a more comprehensive answer. I also don't know what you say to him when guys hit on you in front of him.
Have you talked to the guys? I mean, I understnad the whole "guy bonding" thing, but it seems that they're really overstepping boundaries, there -- what is OK with people you know well is often completely inappropriate with someone you barely know -- and perhaps they need to be reminded that it is you that they are familiar with, and your husband isn't automatically factored into the equation. Since these guys are your friends a coworkers, you'll need to talk to them, too. Then, perhaps, you can bring people together socially, in a non-threatening setting, and let them find some common ground besides how sexy all parties seem to think you are.
2007-06-19 10:01:37 · answer #2 · answered by Ali Cat 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Flip the situation around; say your husband was a doctor surrounded by women all day who were complimenting him and making it known they were interested in him, wouldn't it get old after a while?
It seems like you get more of an ego boost out of this than he ever will. If you're happily married, why do you need constant attention from other men? Are you that insecure? Now and then it's nice to be checked out or complimented, but to make it a daily habit (and LIKE it?) Ugh... pathetic!
One suggestion would be to stop telling your husband about these men hitting on you. If it's a non issue to you, then don't make it an issue to him - especially if you know it upsets him. Sounds to me like you like the attention, and you like making your husband jealous. Once you're married, it's time to stop being a tease...
2007-06-19 09:43:47 · answer #3 · answered by Courtney 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He could be getting mad for a number of reasons:
-Them making comments like that are disrespectful in his eyes.
-He may subconsciously feel threatened EVEN if he knows you're completely faithful and in love with him.
-He doesn't want other guys pining after what's his.
Just continue to assure him that he has nothing to worry about. If he really loves you then he should trust you.
2007-06-19 09:44:23 · answer #4 · answered by Kori spelled backwards is Irok 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Guy's are very territorial. What's there's is there's and they don't like to feel threatened by any other Male's. I don't think there's much you can do b/c it's just in there nature to act like that, but it might help a little to be extra all over him when you are around your work Buddy's, maybe whisper dirty things in his ear to make him feel more secure. They like to feel like there the king of the castle : )
2007-06-19 09:43:33 · answer #5 · answered by chelsea 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You're on track - he just needs re-assurance. Common, nobody's friggin bulletproof! Be sure not to flirt too hard with the guys at work, be respectful. Also, do little special things for your husband (not just sex), things that tell him that he is special. Point out specific qualities in him that you appreciate BEYOND those guys at work.
2007-06-19 09:41:02 · answer #6 · answered by ? 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's probley just trying to be protective of you. Knowing you work with a bunch of guys, he wants to avoid any problems. Guys are weird like that, i know my bf does that too. Guys at his work tells him I'm hot and he wants to hit them when they say it. I think its a compliment when girls check out my guy. Means my guy is hot.
2007-06-19 09:41:15 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
To hit on a married woman is to say "I'm better than your husband."
That is not a compliment.
2007-06-19 09:56:58 · answer #8 · answered by snack_daddy10 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Grow up and get a new job.
Your Husband know at the end of the day all men are pigs.
How would you like if he became a bouncer at a strip club?
2007-06-19 09:43:58 · answer #9 · answered by FF Geek 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Don't respond to other men when they say things like that. Even a "thank you" will make a guy think you're interested in him!
2007-06-19 09:43:00 · answer #10 · answered by Joe S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋