I have been in an affair with someone for three years (i'm the married one) and all the times I've tried to end it, we end up making up and still carrying on. I just feel like it's going no where, but at the same time, I can't stop seeing him. What should I do?
2007-06-19 09:26:24 · 31 answers · asked by kittygirlwhoilove 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Of course it's going no where, YOU'RE MARRIED!
2007-06-19 09:31:12 · answer #1 · answered by tnk3181979 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I have been through this. I saw a married guy for a year and I was married as well. I wanted to break it off so bad cause it was the worst relationship I had, it put a major strain on my marriage and his. We stopped seeing each other and it has been the best thing in my life. It is hard hiding it and worrying about another man in your life. Tell yourself are you happy with your husband and why are you having an affair? You need to break it off with this other guy and work on your marriage. Most of affairs don't last anyway, it will be a better decision in the end. i feel for you, so just hang in there it will be hard letting go of the other guym but you will get over him.
2007-06-19 16:56:13 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What is the problem with your marriage that you needed an affair in the first place? Instead of putting all this effort into an affair that is "going nowhere" you should be working on your marriage. You say you tried to end the affair, but you always end up making up; why couldn't you do that with your husband? This affair seems to be getting to you emotionally and mentally as well, which is also detrimental to your marriage. Leave the affair and start worrying about the feelings of your husband.
2007-06-19 16:32:09 · answer #3 · answered by mshavik 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Been there, done that......worn out. (that was a few years back) Got a best friend (in fact, I asked a ? on here a couple of days ago for her) that is trying to end a relationship as yours right now. Its about to kill her.... As the old country song says "a man can't stock 2 shelves and live" or something to that affect. Girl, he's getting the milk for free, and letting someone else pay the farm bill. Evidently the sex is good, but if you put in on the spot and said "i'm all yours", would he run, or would he hesitate? My question is, how are you acting at home? That was always my problem, I always had to have something "wrong" with me or act like I had a bad day to cover and have an excuse to not be happy at home. Thank goodness it all worked out. Girl, you've got more strength than I ever thought about having, if its been 3 years.
2007-06-19 16:38:10 · answer #4 · answered by sunflowergal 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not exactly sure where you're expecting this affair to "go", especially if you're the married one. If you feel like you love this man, then you need to tell your husband, accept the reprecussion, divorce him, and start a serious relationship with your man on the side. If you don't want to leave your husband, you need to ask yourself why the heck you're having this affair. If there's something lacking in your marriage but youdon't feel it's worth leaving your husband over, you need to work on communicating this to your husband. End the affair. See this guy as little as possible, or not at all if you can, to avoid being tempted to get back together with him. You need to start thinking about what it is you want out of life and taking charge, not just expecting somebody else to set the direction.
2007-06-19 16:36:24 · answer #5 · answered by Demon 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Of course this affair is wearing you down! Gosh! You're living a double life....On one side you are a married woman...and on the other, you are the mistress of another man..!
Only really strange people would be OK with this and able to pull it through without guilty feelings....
You should really consider going to therapy and sorting things out. Sounds like you have issues you don't want to deal with; but the sooner you address them, the better!
Three years with a lover is a long time.....How would you feel if your husband was doing this to you? Would you forgive him if you found out? Hmmmm...
2007-06-19 16:47:18 · answer #6 · answered by Nena S 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
apparently you had an affair because of a void in your marriage... or you are just a horny gal. if it is not the latter, then you have to resolve your matter.
you love this guy. It happened. You seem to not be able to let go. if you don't let go, then REALIZE that your husband will find out, unless you keep this totally discrete.
REALIZE that you might hurt your husband. Can you and hubby make things better in your marriage? - then do so. If you and hubby work on things, you MUST not have sex with this other guy any more!!! he MUST support you in making your marriage better! If he doesn't then you should know that he does NOT care for you as he should.
This new guy should care for your happiness. So, if your happiness lies with your husband, then he should support that happiness... that's what love is about...
... another scenario... it is well possible to love more than one person intimately. if you don't want to lose them both, then you'll just have to continue to wear yourself down.
what it comes down to is what are you willing to do to make yourself happy. ...also, do you still love your husband? ...can you live without your husband? ...do you love yourself enough to live without the two of these guys?
2007-06-20 22:55:59 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should consider giving your husband a divorce so you can continue living your life the way you want to....It's not right that you are betraying your husband and your marriage.....You are living a lie and basically your husband is too on behalf of your choices and the sad part is that he has no idea....You have no value for yourself and I think the reason why this affair has dragged on this long is because the person you are involve with probably doesn't have any value for you....You really need to re-evualate your priorities and if you really want to end this you should be honest with your husband so he can decide for himself to leave you***
2007-06-19 17:02:29 · answer #8 · answered by Yvette D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if youve been having an affair for 3 years and you keep going back nothing that is said on here would change your mind anyway. Divorce...have some at least some respect for your husband who unknowingly has been living a lie from you for 3 long years...let him get on with his life so he can eventually find someone that will love him.
2007-06-19 16:50:37 · answer #9 · answered by GA 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The thing is that you CAN stop seeing him! You are an adult and chose to be married, chose to cheat, adn now must chose to end the affair. You need to tell your husband and he will either leave or help you through this. You cannot forgive yourself or dare ask your husband for forgiveness if you are not truly ready to be commited only to your husband.
2007-06-19 16:46:16 · answer #10 · answered by pretty_mommy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok alot of people will attack you with this question, but you need to end it now if you still want to be married. If not then get a divorce. You owe it to your husband so he can be happy and if you want to stay with your husband you owe it to the other man so he can find someone else to be with. Does the other man know you are married?
2007-06-19 16:41:53 · answer #11 · answered by llexiann30 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋