40+ yr old woman marrying 30 yr old man?

Question

What do you think about this?

This American woman isn't conventionally pretty but is wealthy. Man doesn't have a job (in school studying business) and is not a US citizen. She has 2 middle-school-aged kids. They've known each for less than a year. He's moving in in July and they're getting married in December.

What's your impression?

Answer 1

Alarm bells are screaming out right now and red lights are flashing!!!

He doesn't have a job?!!!!! Not even part-time? How is he living while going through school? For that matter, how is he paying for school? (He'd better not be using MY tax dollars!) Boy is that a major, major problem and a big-time warning flag.

Do NOT bring that man into the home, let alone marry him! He sounds like a professional bum, a gigolo, a perpetual student, or at the very least an opportunist. I am sure he has a very good story; those guys always do. And it sounds as though the woman is foolish and desperate (those guys count on that - it's the oldest story in the world). If their 'love' is so true, then it will stand the test of time, RIGHT?! What's the rush? She hasn't even known him a year! Let him finish his schooling and get a job. (It's called showing good faith and it puts him and his character to the test - or the lack of it.) He needs to prove himself. If he's capable, then there shouldn't be a problem, right? After all, she doesn't want another child to take care of, does she? "No job and going to school" is what her CHILDREN are doing! He could become another dependent. (Or maybe she wants that so she can use her money to keep his 'love' and devotion.) I can hear him now, "Oh I flunked this class because the teacher hates me," or "Just a couple more classes," or "I need a car to get to class," or something else will come up to prevent him getting a job - like the need to prove he is a citizen when he goes to apply! Where I work it is required. How else can he get a decent-paying job? She needs to be very, very careful about marrying someone who is not a citizen. The government takes a dim view of persons who do that just so the non-citizen can get a toehold in this country. For all you know, he could be schmoozing her just for that! And she could be held legally liable and lose her assets as well.

Like it or not, all relationships have a power dynamic. The best ones that survive do so because both parties are equal or close to it.

Besides, she has two children that she has to think about and for which she is responsible. What if he were to move into the home, the children get to know him, and then for whatever reason the relationship were to sour and he had to leave? What would that do to the kids?

If there's one thing I've found out in life it's this: NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, EVER go into any relationship, whether emotional or business, with someone who has less to lose than you do! I cannot stress that strongly enough.

I beg you; please contact an attorney that specializes in immigration law (initial consultations are usually free). Be very frank with the attorney in the appointment and voice all these concerns. If this person is wealthy, she can afford it. In fact, she can't afford NOT to do so! She has a lot to lose with this situation. She could be completely wiped out (and he would move on to the next woman), not to mention what it would do to her kids emotionally.

Answer 2

I think she's making the biggest mistake of her life. He's looking for a free meal ticket. She's desperate and looking for a man, any man. I have no objections to people over the age of 40 dating younger ( 7-10 yrs) people, but..this guy sees a good deal here, and it's not all about love, kids and a lasting relationship. The fact they've known each other less than a year also throws up a red flag. He only wants US citizenship, her money and then he'll be gone. It's not fair to the woman's children either. I knew of three relationships like this...two are divorced..and I don't give the third one a year..it's only been six months and they're having problems.

Answer 3

That not being us citizen would stop me right there. Sometimes they'll marry a woman just to get that green card updated and I guess if you marry someone you'd become a citizen, I don't know about becoming a citizen. I'd be a little leary of him because I've heard of men once they marry that is all she wrote for that marriage once he gets in, be careful.
the age and her not being pretty and he's probably real handsome, just watch out and be sure about this man.

Answer 4

I think you should read my bio. I didn't have children, he had a job but left after getting his green card and Ph D to teach in India. I wouldn't take him back a year later when he realized that he loved me more than his country.

He is moving too fast, it is not an age factor but usually one of convenience for both parties. Your mother will wake up in a year or two, well before you go on to college.

Answer 5

Let's see...

"Bad Idea" was my first impression when I got to the part of "no job" and "not a citizen".

It went to "Really Bad Idea" when I read the part about her having 2 kids and she's bringing this man into her life and her children's life after knowing him less than a year.

Answer 6

Everybody's situation looks different from the outside. They may be in love. He may only be 30, but he is going to school, and trying to earn a living for himself. IF he just sat on his a** all day then ok, that's one thing. Maybe he sees her strength in being a single mother with 2 kids. People fall in love for other reasons than looks, or age. Maybe there is something there that you can't see.

Answer 7

It looks like the foreigner got Lucky - with a capital L., and I believe the woman is hard up. Nobody can tell her what to do, she'll just have to live and learn the difficult way.

Answer 8

All men are after all pussy, any will do and the easier the better. I wouldn't feel too flattered. Men chat up what they think may be an easy lay. Classy attractive women rarely get approached.

Answer 9

WELL THE AGE THING NO BIG THING, ITS ALL ABOUT LOVE... HOWEVER IT APPEARS THE WOMAN IS DESPARATE FOR LOVE AFTER SUCH A SHORT TIME ,GOING TO GET MARRIED?? AND THE MAN IS AFTER A FREE RIDE.. NO JOB @ 30??CONSIDER THE KIDS AND THEIR THOUGHTS ,THEY ARE THE ONES THIS LADY HAS 2 PUT FIRST...........

Answer 10

The ages have noting to do with this. It's about her money and his lack of citizenship, money and job. He's studying business at 30? Hmmmm.....
She's about to learn a serious lesson herself if she goes through with this.