I've been married for 2 years and some change and my wife just recently got back from a deployment. I just found out that she has cheated on me while she was gone. Her explanation was that she was very stressed out and he became her support system. They got drunk and had sex twice while she was gone. She also have been emailing 1-2 other guys and one of them she's known for a while and they email back and forth and acting flirtatious and talking to each other like they are together. My wife has told me that she is very sorry for cheating on me and that she will change her ways because she doesn't want to lose me. She knows she made a mistake and wants to do everything to keep me. I love my wife so much that I'm willing to forgive her for what she's done and stay together for the sake of my daughter. I believe that she has learned her lesson and it will not ever happen again. What should I do to ease my pain and also if you were in my position what would you have done?
2007-06-19 07:50:00 · 30 answers · asked by Jan R 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
the emailing and the cheating all happend at once while she was deployed.
2007-06-19 13:07:49 · update #1
Time will ease your pain. You need to put all of your energy into your wife and daughter if your marriage is what you want. Unfortunately this happens a lot, she could also lose a rank if the higher ranks found out. So could the man. She needs to stop emailing other men now, and concentrate on her family. I am very sorry this is something you have to endure, but you sound like a great man, and you will get through it.
2007-06-19 07:58:41 · answer #1 · answered by Ivy_Woman 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she loved you she would have waited. she sounds selfish and is giving you an excuse. And if she is emailing men with your knowing about it, then she is a waste of time and doesn't regret it one bit. You are the baby-sitter to her and that is all. I mean, you didn't cheat on her(I hope not) while she was gone. And you should never stay together for the kids, I am so tired of hearing that one. You can have a life awith your child without her. It is better to come from a broken home than to live in one. Was she thinking of her daughter when she screwed around on you? No, cause if she did she would not have done that. You are better off getting a divorce and moving forward with your child. I say divorce cause you will probably not ever forget about this, especially if she is deployed again. It will always be in the back of your head. Good luck! :)
2007-06-19 07:59:41 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well this is a hard one. I have had the same experience and what I did was, I threw him out at first but then I gave him another chance (for the kids) they were crying for thier daddy so i thought ok I will give it a try. we were together for 3 yrs when this happened. Anyways we stayed together for 3 more years but it was not good. I still loved him yes but I did not trust him. Things just got worse and it didn't work out. So we went our seperate ways. So my advice would be to think about if you can really trust her again because if you can't get past the hurt then it won't work out and things will be over anyways and you will just hurt all over again. Take time to think before you do anything drastic.
Good luck.
2007-06-19 08:01:27 · answer #3 · answered by Deb 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it was a one time thing, I'd be more likely to forgive her. She did it twice, so that means she doesn't have much of a conscience.
Don't accept her "drunk" story. Drinking doesn't change people, it only lowers their inhibitions. She says she's going to change but she's still playing games by flirting with other guys.
Make her earn her trust back. She doesn't sound like she's trying very hard.
If you can get over this, you're a more forgiving person than I am. Good luck.
2007-06-19 07:54:59 · answer #4 · answered by katydid 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know what deployments are all about and yes cheating does happen. There is nothing you can say or do about it, have you yourself ever been attracted to another woman? If she was to push herself on you would you do it if you thought you could get away with it? Think with sides of the straw before you make your judgement. But always remember its easy to forgive but it takes an eternity to forget.
2007-06-19 07:58:30 · answer #5 · answered by Shawn 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's great that you're trying to work things out.
But beware, she sounds like she has an insecurity problem based on the fact that she cheated and is flirting online with 2 other men. She's looking for attention, and I'm sure it's not because you don't give it to her. She is insecure and needs men's attention to make her feel better, including having sex with them.
YTalk to her, get to the root of her problem, and get her a therapist to help her deal with the insecurities in herself, otherwise, it will most definitely happen again eventually.
Trust me, I've been there.
2007-06-19 07:56:06 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A spouse that cheats is a hard pill to swallow. If you want to stay in the marriage, i suggest taking it one day at a time to get over the hurt and mistrust. Hopefully, your wife will not be going back on deployments anytime. So, just take it one day at a time.
2007-06-19 07:55:51 · answer #7 · answered by sunshine23511 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
a guys point of view............JanR............let me say this first,your wife could be court-marshalled for adultry while in the military...what she did was not only illegal according to military law but to everything moral in a relationship...i reciently posted a question simular to this in answers...i will give you the same advise these people gave me...the situation was primarially the same, except mine wasnt in the military...i was told to kick her azz to the curb...because once a person cheats they will cheat again...and the more they do it the easier it gets...this love you have for her is great, but, whats going to happen when or if she is deployed again? may i answer that? she will have her boat floated again...don't blame yourself, you didn't do anything...and don't stay married just because of your daughter...you will end up hating your wife and possibally your daughter in the long run...now if you want to give her another chance, thats up to you...but i assure you by the actions you say shes taking with the e-mails, she WILL do this again as soon as she feels comfortable at home...be safe...be kind...and i wish you love...
2007-06-19 08:20:45 · answer #8 · answered by hystericaly_kinky 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she's serious about not losing you, she will cease all contact with other men. You two should also go to marriage counseling.
Question for you - if and when she's deployed again, do you really think she'll remain faithful this time???
I personally don't think she will. She will be in the same situation and probably around the same man. Hard to resist temptations.
2007-06-19 08:00:16 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Considering that everybody makes mistakes, and considering she has a good husband such as yourself, she should be forever thankful. But also, the military life is a struggle in itself, so do be forgiving and understanding in that regard.
Too, if you still feel tension and really want to work things out, seek some counselors either on your own or from her base....
Good luck to both of you.
2007-06-19 07:56:59 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋