I have a wonderful career for which I worked really hard (universities, masters etc etc). I have also a wonderful boyfriend, but we are in a long distance relationship (different countries), because of serious family problems of his, so he cannot move here with me. Right now he cannot move where I live, but I can move to where he lives, sacrificing though my career. How do I know what to choose? Please help!
2007-06-19 07:37:52 · 8 answers · asked by Martin 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
We are 3.5 years in this relationship and lived together for a year in his country, where I was studying for my master.
2007-06-19 09:52:55 · update #1
I was very surprised to read how many say a career is more important than love. I agree the ability to be self supporting is vital, but you have that ability regardless of which career or job you have or which country you do it in.
Yes, it is true, relationships are risky. However, as you worked so hard for your eduction and career you also know anything of value is that which is hard earned.
Happiness is not about money. Money does not bring happiness. It can bring comfort, security, and some degree of satisfaction, but money is a cold bed fellow. Money does not fill your heart with love and joy, nor your life with the sound of children's footsteps running through the house and your heart.
It really depends on how much you love this man and whether or not you are willing to take a leap of faith and grasp for the golden ring of happiness, happiness of love between a man and a woman.
For me this would not be a tough call. I already made my choice. However, my choice is not neccasarily your choice. I am not really very materialistic, I can get by with very little. Give me a small cottage, food to eat, clothes to wear, my puppy, and my husand and I am happy. I don't need a fancy car, or a huge house, or a lot of the things some others need.
I left all I knew, where I lived for thirty eight years, my grown children, for that leap of faith, for love. I had reconciled myself to living as a widow the rest of my life, though I was only forty three. I was content with the idea of just living around my grown children and doting on my grandchildren when they came. Then love came into my life, or a chance for love.
However, I had to move away from my beloved children, and my ideal of grandchildren close and cuddled in my lap and arms. I am very happy now and I visit my children and still wait for the grandchildren. lol
Jobs, careers, they come and go. Relationships can come and go too. However, relationships can and do last lifetimes and the people are very happy and content in those relationships. If both people are willing to work as hard on their relationship as they do their careers we wouldn't have the divorce rate we do. People put too much importance on careers and not enough on relationships. Then they wonder why it failed.
Honey, follow your heart. If you have doubts then don't go. If you know he loves you and you he, then go. It all depends on what is more important to you. Will you grieve too much for the loss of this particular job? Do you love him enough to go to him? That is what you need to consider. Also, if you do go, please remember it is your choice and don't be bitter if for some reason it doesn't work as planned. Life is always a gamble regardless of what path you choose.
By all means do what will make you most happy and content. Remember, the intense emotions of initial love fades into a more gentle and enduring love. So, just know love does change, but be prepared for those changes and work through them together always turning inside the marriage and never out. No solution to marriage is ever found outside of it.
I wish you all the happiness life has to offer. Do what your heart feels is best. With your education you will never go without.
2007-06-19 08:02:41 · answer #1 · answered by Serenity 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Have you even met this man in person, or is it an internet fling?
Always choose your career. You could move over there and both of you might end up splitting up eventually. Then what would you do? No career to hold you up.. I know it's hard choosing between something that's best for you and someone you love, but in the end, all you'll have is what you've done for yourself.
Giving up on something you've worked hard for just so you can be with a man, isn't that great of an idea. Even so, if you do think about moving in with him, I suggest you two spend time together before you officially move in. Sometimes two people can get a long while they're dating or spending time in their own houses.. Definitely test the waters at his place before you make a solid decision. Some people are totally hard to live with!
Check out the following links I've provided you with (so you can get more than one opinion). It might help you make a better decision for yourself.
2007-06-19 07:41:11 · answer #2 · answered by ☆Bombastic☆ 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
what brings one closer to happiness is knowing that happiness comes from within, and radiates to other areas of life (career, relationships, etc.), not the other way around. you can't find happiness in other people, places, things, or situations, it has to come from inside yourself to enhance those other things and situations. having said that, you have to decide for yourself what is most important to you. is your career of utmost importance? would a move jeopardize your career path or help it? is a relationship your top goal? is this person positively worth giving up everything you have achieved so far for? it's about priorities. you have to ask yourself some really tough questions, and be as brutally honest with yourself as you can be. it's great to take a leap of faith sometimes, but it's always good to have a plan in case that leap of faith doesn't have much of a safety net under it. i wish you the best of luck.
2007-06-19 07:52:54 · answer #3 · answered by Just Curious 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You have to do what is going to make you happy. If you are going to go there and be miserable because you can't have the career of your choice that you have worked so hard for then it wouldn't be worth it...But it would be worth it if you're going to go there and be with the love of your life and be able to find a job that involves the career choice that you have made...My Boyfriend brings me happiness and if it was my job or my boyfriend, I would definately choose my boyfriend, you will always be able to find another job!
2007-06-19 07:43:53 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Dear Martin your career is a priority it's the reason why your considered an important citizen! ,your helping your self and your country ...ppl now adays are starving in some areas ,if they had the chance to be in your shoes they wouldn't give it up no matter what love is important too but not as your job!! who knows maybe your loved ones will decide to live with you :) always be positive and have faith in him no matter how far the distance may be love will not be vanished ^_^
2007-06-19 07:46:56 · answer #5 · answered by RoChEr 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
tuff call but I would considering weighting the other issues that come along with moving to another country and how do you know it'll work if all you have had is a long distance relationship. IDK...I would suggest going on a month vaca to his country and see what that results in.
2007-06-19 07:42:36 · answer #6 · answered by alison 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
if u truly love him and can deal with losing ur career then go for it but if it is something u cant do then u know there is something better out there for u....give it time dont rush things.
2007-06-19 08:08:07 · answer #7 · answered by Jenny 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
YOU CAN ANSWER THAT YOURSELF::::
WHICH ONE IS THE MOST IMPORTANT TO YOU??????????????
2007-06-19 07:49:39 · answer #8 · answered by Shunsui Kyouraku is 100% MINE!! 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋