Should I invite my ex-husband or my boyfriend to my familys 4th of july bash?

Question

My husband and I are separated, but share custody of our 5 yr old daughter. Every year we go with my family for a beach bash on 4th of July. We have stayed friends and he adores his little girl. I know she wants him there, and I do too. He and my boyfriend hate eachother. For my daughter's sake , should I continue tradition and invite him along? Or do I owe it to my boyfriend to start new traditions?

Answer 1

If you're separated, then he's isn't technically your ex-husband yet. You're still married. Since you're even considering inviting him to the family function, then it sounds like your relationship isn't entirely over. Maybe I'm reading more into it than what is really there. Is it entirely for your daughter's sake or are you thinking about reconciling?
Anyway, to answer your question...invite your husband.

Answer 2

If you and your family are ok with your ex being there, do it for your daughter.

Then talk with your bf and tell him what you have decided. Explain to him that your daughter wants her father there because he always has been in the past and you and your family do not have a problem with it. Ask him if he is ok with it and see how he reacts. That alone may tell you alot about your bf and whether he is a good choice in your life.

If he decides to go with you, tell him you expect him to be a gentleman and not start any trouble and if he can't say something good, don't say anything at all. Sounds like he may have some growing up to do and I sure hope he doesn't ruin the family outing.

And also talk with your ex when he is invited and ask him to pls stay away from your bf so there won't be any trouble. Let him know you want your ex there for your daughter but you don't want the family outing spoiled by any immature actions and explain you have told your bf the same thing.

Good luck ~ hope it all works out ok for the sake of your daughter

Answer 3

Daughter is way more important than boyfriend. Invite the ex to this for her. Create a new, completely different tradition with the boyfriend doing something else.

Answer 4

You owe it to your daughter to make a family day a family day. Invite your ex and the boyfriend and make them both understand that although your marriage is over...you have a child together and need to provide for her feelings as well as yours. If your boyfriend and ex cannot understand that ...then it's time to get a new boyfriend. One that puts you and your daughters feelings in the mix and not just his own.

Answer 5

If your boyfriend is too immature to understand that your daughter needs her Dad, then he's not worth inviting to anywhere around family until he accepts the fact that your ex-husband is going to be around forever (your linked to him for life b/c of your daughter). I would say to invite just your ex-husband so your daughter can spend time with him. Deal with your boyfriend after being with your family. Family comes first.

Answer 6

He's your boyfriend, not your "new husband". You don't "owe" him anything. Invite your ex.
Your bf needs to understand that this is a tradition that your child looks forward to. He also needs to understand that the girls' father is always going to be a part of her life, and your bf is going to have to give up certain things because of that. You can always start other "traditions" with your bf, but for this one, stick with what your daughter wants and expects.

Answer 7

Definitely invite your new boyfriend. New traditions have to start somewhere. This would be a good way for your daughter to also get more accustomed to him being part of family gatherings as well.

Answer 8

If you've been with this guys for a long time and your daughter likes him, then take the boyfriend. But if he's still somewhat new, take the ex. Only because your daughter will be comfortable with someone she knows and likes. 5 year olds aren't too thrilled about strangers

Answer 9

You are a mom. Your responsibility is first to your daughter.

Your daughter should never feel that she is chosing between her dad or you and your new boyfriend. She should always feel that both you and her dad love her and will always love her.

Invite her father. Explain to your boyfriend that he needs to respect the relationship that your daughter has with her father.

Just because you and her father decided to not stay together does not mean your daughter should pay the price and have to choose between you two.

Answer 10

Well, he would be your EX so I would say no, don't include him. The things that used to be are no more and that changes past tradition. You are starting a new life, I would hope, and that includes you talking to your daughter about such things. Otherwise, that is where the confusion comes in for both you and your child. If the ties are cut then cut them clean!