I'm a 40+ male who has only had sex with my wife. My problem is that my sex drive is off the charts and her's is not on the charts. She was abused as a child and has very low testasterone and libido. In fact, she says when I die that she will not have sex again!
Due to my need for sexual release, I would supplement our weekly 'get together' with masturbation once or twice a week to pictures I had saved on my PC or cut out of magazines. She caught me one day and told me I was cheating on her. So, I agreed to stop viewing porn pictures. On a previous vacation, she got drunk and allowed me to shoot some photos of her in my favorite lingerie. I now use these pictures to maturbate - but am very concerned that she'll take them if she finds out I'm doing this. She doesn't have a problem with me masturbating in the shower and recognizes that this is 'needed' due to her low libido. But, she doesn't want me using my eyes for stimulation.
Please help!
2007-06-19 06:33:00 · 31 answers · asked by jimbo 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Tell her to fix up, then u wont need to watch porn.
2007-06-19 06:36:19 · answer #1 · answered by Low Contributor 6 · 2⤊ 2⤋
2
2016-07-18 16:37:14 · answer #2 · answered by Erika 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She's being unreasonable.
Viewing pictures (of her or other porn) is NOT cheating. Men are visual creatures - just the way we're wired.
Use this as an explaination to her. Say you stop discussing "feelings" with her. Then you find out she is talking about her feelings to her friends. Would this consitute an emotional affair? No.
Women are wired by feelings and expiriences - sharing and discussing. Men are visual and visceral ( eyes and touch ). Its a hardwired response. This is true for sex and other emotional attachments.
She should feel glad that you haven't looked outside your relationship for the "release" you need. You have found a reasonable way to accomodate your needs / desires with her lack of needs / desire. She needs to respect that.
She might not want sex, but she shouldn't be able to dictate to you YOUR libido.
If she attempts to, I would fear this would cause a great deal of strain in your relationship and could eventually cause the two fo you to grow apart (or for you to seek intimacy outside your marriage). At least the two of you are talking about it. That's more than MOST couples even do. Keep the lines of communication open.
2007-06-19 06:43:31 · answer #3 · answered by aa889d 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I try to keep my sex life with my wife on the front burner. I am always telling her how hot she is and how much I love to have sex with her. I tell her how much I think about her body and that "a man needs to see his wife's pussy!"
Try to be as loving as you can with her. Low T in a woman spells lot's of masturbating for a guy.
I prefer to masturbate while my wife watches as sometimes that get's her interested.
She needs to see a doctor for low libido if that does not work.
2014-10-01 03:39:02 · answer #4 · answered by Scotty 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Pictures Of My Wife
2016-10-30 09:26:39 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't care to know what he looks at; I've asked him to clear the browser history. My daughter doesn't need to see that either. I'm keen on not asking a question if I don't want to know the answer. I don't find porn to be a threat to me, but some of the things he likes to look at aren't things that would happen in the framework of our marriage, so I don't want to know. Porn is titillating, but if it's the primary outlet you choose for your sexuality when you have a real live woman, that's pathetic. I masturbate mostly, though not exclusively with my husband. He's not that open, which I find sad.
2016-05-19 21:50:24 · answer #6 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hope her testosterone level is low, women have estrogen. If her libido is low, then she should go to a doctor, they have medication for women too. Sounds like she likes it the way it is, and won't do anything to help you out...which is selfish in my opinion. She needs to recognize that you have needs too. How would she feel if the tables were turned? I am not saying that having sex is the most important part of a marriage. But, dude you are on Y!A looking for advice, so it is that bad. Maybe she is going through menopause, and in that case needs to go to the doctor anyway. And about her abuse, she should have been seeking help from this a long time ago, not hanging it over your head years later. Talk to her about this and how it makes you feel. Good luck! :)
2007-06-19 06:48:14 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
She'll probably be flattered. I don't see anything wrong with it, personally. If your sex drive is that high, you could probably just use your imagination though. Sometimes people have varying sex drives and varying views on masturbation and what is appropriate and not. Personally, I do not thing masturbating to pornography is cheating...but if I did I would expect my husband to respect my feelings about it...you did the right thing there. She may need counselling for her own personal issues...but not for the lack of sex she has with you, and if she ever does seek help don't expect her to suddenly become a sex kitten. Some women (and men) just don't have much of a drive.
2007-06-19 06:37:27 · answer #8 · answered by Mara 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
A: Hey, if they're pictures of your wife, what's the problem?
B: Honestly, your wife has no right whatsoever to tell you not to masturbate. You aren't cheating, you aren't cyber sexing(I hope), so what's wrong?
C: Okay, she was sexually abused and doesn't like sex. Why is this okay with you? Why is this okay with HER? Why aren't the both of you in counseling right now? So you're gonna spend the rest of your life jerking off to pictures of your OWN WIFE, just because of her issues? You both need professional help. RUN, don't walk.
2007-06-19 06:38:58 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 6⤊ 0⤋
Why would you want pics of her when you have the real thing? If she really doesn't mind that you do that, just ask her to put on the lingerie and sit in a chair while you look at her and masturbate. That way you're still honoroing your vows, you're getting your visual stimulation, and she knows you're not looking at pictures. Everybody wins (well, except that you have to masturbate instead of ba-da-bingg). Maybe her being a part of that will help increase her drive and make her want to "help" you in other ways.
2007-06-19 07:05:19 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
there is nothing wrong with this... i hope Mrs. prude is joking!!!
my husband and my sex drives don't quite match up, and I'm sure he masturbates. as a woman if i knew he was doing it to porn i would be hurt, but if he was doing it to pics of me i would be flattered.
i wouldn't want to see him doing, it but for me it would be okay.
now for your wife i think maybe you should talk to her about it. you obviously love her, and it seems as though you have made some compromises for her (which most men wouldn't) i think it's only fair for her to do the same. it's a touchy subject... maybe go and see someone for a unbiased point of view and a comfortable solution for the two of you.
also, she needs counseling, the issue is never going to change unless you get to the rout of the problem. don't let the abuser dictate your wife's life and in turn affect your marriage!!!!
hope this helps
2007-06-19 06:45:44 · answer #11 · answered by frankfarter! 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋