Why do we define ourselves in others?

Question

I know this kind of sounds trite, but even though we KNOW and THINK that nobody can tell us what we are and what to do with our lives, we still are subject to feel that we are validated by others... by our parents, by our bf or gf, by our close friends... hell, even a teacher can make you feel better or worse with a word. Why?

Answer 1

Because you have no other basis of comparison than other people. In much the same way Hegel said you cannot define a hammer in and of itself; that you must define the hammer in relation to the nail, you cannot describe yourself without comparing yourself to the people around you.

Answer 2

You have created an entity called 'you' and the only way to define this imagined entity is by external means from society. 'You' are the linear collection of memories and external observations from other imagined entities like parents, friends, teacher, etc. These 'others' have told you from birth what this 'you' is and can/can't do. Even the name it is given is based on 'others' ideas of what is socially acceptable or different.

You define your 'self' externally because you believe you are separate from life. You believe you are separate from life because you were told your 'self' is a separate individual with an 'esteem' that needs nurturing from outside, needs to find a state of being called 'happy' and must strive for a 'meaning or purpose' higher than all the living things in the universe.

With all of that engraned in your belief system, where else would you be expected to look? Society has told you that you must look outside your 'self'.

Answer 3

I tend to think it can be difficult but not impossible to change that out-look. We are really spiritual beings having a human experience. We think the thought and have our physical carry it out. We are use to physically looking outward; that is the way our physical eyes can see. But if we begin to validate ourselves more and more, then the outside noise of others can be reduced to a whisper. We can then chose to listen to that which is able to contribute to lifting us up, and let go of others opinions that had been able to hurt us or make us feel lacking in any area. I believe the lacking comes from the work that we still have to do to complete ourselves.

Answer 4

Because perception does not always equal reality. We define out world based on our own perceptions, because that is what we can go by as fact. But we must also align our perceptions with others' perceptions of the world in order to get the most accurate portrayal----the more eye witnesses in a crime, the more accurate the protrayal SHOULD be.

This concept can also be applied to ourselves, because there is always our internal concept of self, which is usually part desire and part opinion; then we must combine others' perceptions of ourselves to get an accurate portrayal of whether our internalized opinions match what we externalize, or what we "give off." The way we come off to others is not always how we mean to come off to them, which is the discrepancy between internal perceptions and others perceptions of ourself.

Sometimes our internalized fears, thoughts, and desires are not based in reality, which is why people have phobias. We must seek someone from the outside to help factualize our internal thoughts and help bring us back to reality.

Answer 5

i won't be able to have faith this replaced into deleted. What human beings fail to appreciate is that somebody not believing in a God isn't easily battling them from doing so. TOLERANCE ought to artwork the two techniques. that's a turning out to be intolerance generally dedicated via non secular peoples it somewhat is inflicting problems in society as we communicate. human beings must be taught to comprehend one yet another, not grow to be bullish and assertive from in the back of their non secular fervour. If all they are in a position to furnish their faith is hatred and violence, then they are going to harm the worldwide and humankind. non violent, accepting religions are easily the way forward and non believers, many that are humanists and secularist that look after society, ought to stick jointly. The term atheist in that's purist variety potential not believing in a god. it somewhat is advantageous i've got faith. I trust what you're saying- 'without' God - shows something lacking it somewhat is fairly purely the historic context of the definition while it replaced into written- an emotive definition, quite than an objective one. I crammed out a style as we communicate and while it asked faith- I positioned 'none'. Like I might desire to have a faith to exist! nicely I easily have none and that i do exist. I used to place C of E as that's the commonplace church and so on- yet i presumed 'no'- i'm not mendacity anymore.

Answer 6

Because we care what others think. We are social beings by nature, and our instinct tell us to be part of a group. And the group tends to define our role in such group.

Normally the people who don't care what others think don't need from anybody else to survive and be happy. People who show a lot of distress because of others, are the ones who can't act without the approval of society.

I think it is normal, because it is part of our beings. Nevertheless I think it is sad that nowadays there's still people who are not willing to put their happiness in front of others' approvals.

Answer 7

I think I am this way because of a spiritual drive for unity....to break down the barriers and return to Eden.

Answer 8

We desire to be accepted whether we admit it or not.Words can be more painful than a punch and the soreness from words can last a lifetime.

Answer 9

We are pack animals in need of positive human contact to exist.

Answer 10

reflection of mirror