I left my manipulative husband over 2 months ago. He called me a month after I left because he wanted to clear things up. I met him and somehow I got duped into meeting with him and his bishop and it became a counselling session. I should mention that with in 3 months my husband became a born again christian and told me when I up with him again that and I quote "In my home we will be christians", he forced a bible on me and christian cd. I find it very hard to believe that he is really a christian especially because at our first counselling session with the bishop, when asked what our problem was in the marriage he said "my wifes inability to forgive" and nothing else. He failed to mention that I caught him logging into the same dating site we met on looking for intimate encounters, he failed to mention that he did his best to convince me that marrying him after 4 months of dating was the right things to do because he needed a sponsor to stay here so we could be together.
2007-06-19 06:05:52 · 14 answers · asked by MsTrust 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He also failed to mention that after confronting him he decided to look for dirt on me, logging into my emails and msn regularily then denying he was doing so, apologising for doing it only to continue, guilting me into feeling like our marriage problems were all my fault, that mentally ill.
Am I getting myself into a bad situation by going to these counselling sessions with him? I am trying to move on and he seems to find ways to wiggle himself back into my life and manipulate me over and over again.
2007-06-19 06:15:30 · update #1
Yes, you are putting yourself in a bad situation. If he can't admit to his part in the failings of the marriage, then he hasn't changed.
2007-06-19 06:08:51 · answer #1 · answered by Schwinn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok. You sound like you have a pretty strong grasp on what is going on here. I recommend one of two paths:
1. If YOU are interested in preserving this marriage somehow, ask him to go to a SECULAR marriage counselor with you for six months. Nothing against the Christian ones, but you need to deal with a professional who will recognize your husband's manipulation. If he goes and it works out, then great. Your marriage is saved. If he won't go, or doesn't make it that long, then you'll know where you really stand, and you can move on to the next step.
2. If you are really not interested in trying to make this work anymore, then you are completely well within your rights. I'll be honest with you: he sounds like a bum. Even if you were a Christian, if he manipulated or abused you, then he broke the marriage contract, so you can move on without any guilt. Call an attorney and find out what your options are and divorce him.
It is a tough situation to be in. I wish you the best of luck!
2007-06-19 13:14:20 · answer #2 · answered by Mr. Taco 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ms.Trust, right now trust your intuition and give this relationship time to cool off and monitor your husbands "christian behavior" from right were you are. this is common where the man or woman is manipulating the relationship and cleaning up fast for resolution. Take your time, be honest and ask yourself is this really the man you want to spend the rest of your life with.
if you need a substitute for the moment, purchase a toy from this great site (sexyandsensual.net) or do something that you and you enjoy to pass the time.
hope this works.
2007-06-19 13:17:36 · answer #3 · answered by SexyandSensual.net 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds to me like he wanted a way in to the us. and i know in the us you have to be married for a certain amount of time other wise risk being sent back to your home country. it sounds like he is worried about being deported and feels like the church thing is the way to keep you around, but to me if seems like it's just another way to control you. i am a christian as well and i agree with you on the part that he must not be a true christian, because instead of talking it out the blame was placed souly on you. and no matter where the fighting comes from there are two sides to it, and you aren't the only one to blame. j.
2007-06-19 13:12:22 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You did the right thing leaving your husband, and you should cut all contact now. He's using you for a greencard. Whether or not he sincerely believes in his new faith is beside the question, because he's not being rational or fair about his views - he places on the blame on you and your "lack" of religion, and accepts no blame for any of his infidelities or issues.
Tell him to stuff his bible where the sun don't shine, and cut contact with him permanently.
2007-06-19 13:10:33 · answer #5 · answered by teresathegreat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OH yeah. Bad situation. Christians tend to be hypocritical and use their religion as an excuse for all sorts of controlling behavior. Find yourself a nice Pagan boy.
2007-06-19 13:12:15 · answer #6 · answered by Creamer 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seems to me you have answered your own question in a way. DIVORCE the jerk!! You don't need his mainpulative, self-absorbed, egotistical, it's-all-about-what-I-say ways!!! There is no law against divorcing him. He can't FORCE you to stay married to him! Good luck and stay strong!!
2007-06-19 13:12:09 · answer #7 · answered by Nicki B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're already in a bad situation. Now you have to figure out how to get out of it.
Good luck!
2007-06-19 13:09:35 · answer #8 · answered by HeIsMyAllinAll 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
After all that you typed, your subject is "am I putting myself in a bad situation?" Can you not see that's exactly what it is...and always has been?
2007-06-19 13:09:27 · answer #9 · answered by . 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
girl run as fast as you can while you can and never look back! now quit reading what I typed and GO!
2007-06-19 13:13:55 · answer #10 · answered by Tactical Medic 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋