because I'm stuck with her... she's 5'3 and 185, was 115 when we got married 18 years ago. She then said to the counseller she doesn't care if I cheat, as long as I always "come home to her without any diseases or other women's babies."
Question: Is there a point in any further counselling?
2007-06-19 06:00:30 · 24 answers · asked by old married guy 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Kids and finances mean no divorce
2007-06-19 06:09:39 · update #1
She says she is fat because she likes food and doesn't like to exercise. Her words.
2007-06-19 06:11:27 · update #2
BTW, I am a wonderful, handsome husband, good with my kids and respectful and kind to her. Again, her words.
2007-06-19 06:13:37 · update #3
Entertainment value.
Otherwise, I'd be looking for the off switch.
2007-06-19 06:04:12 · answer #1 · answered by wizjp 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Perhaps you should look to why you are in counseling in the first place. This is just a symptom of a greater problem which sounds very much like a lack of respect for each other's feelings. Has that been broached at all? There are deeper issues here than just your wife's weight. She very well might be depressed as well, which causes her to overeat, which causes her to get fat, which causes you to get frustrated...
You see where I am going with this. I think a lot of times its probably more beneficial to sit down with the other party and talk without a mediator. The words "What can I do to make you feel better?" can work miracles, even if you don't mean them. Fake it. You'd be surprised how much faking it can become very real when you are both working to please the other. Best of luck.
2007-06-19 13:05:55 · answer #2 · answered by A.R. 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She has not self esteem or self confidence or the self drive... As long as you bring the beacon home for her, you have a free will to do what you want. She really does not care, but if you actually had the affair, then she would be devastated.
It is understandable in any marriage life changes, people change physically, mentally and emotionally, but both partners should not loose the drive to hold each others attention.
Her attitude shows lack or respect for herself and for you and the relationship/life you share together. I would say move one..... Good luck dude, hope you will get enough good advice to make some decision.
2007-06-19 13:18:07 · answer #3 · answered by jimmy.parker06 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What did the marriage counselor say? It seems that your wife is one of those woman that expects you to stay no matter what. The main issue is that her weight is really unhealthy, and I'm sure it does make her a bit unattractive to you. She sounds like a bitter unhappy woman.
It does matter that she does not take care of her self, and it is completely wrong for you to cheat no matter what she says. If you have children at home, then wait til they are grown and moved out, and get a divorce, or try to work out your marriage. I suggest a book by, Dr. Laura Schlesinger, The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands. Read it for your self, even if you decide to leave, it would be good, I do not suspect that you would want to stay single, but a woman that treated you right would be the goal. The book helped me take a look at myself and be a better wife for my wonderful hubby.
2007-06-19 13:12:26 · answer #4 · answered by Ivy_Woman 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like she is allowing you to cheat so that she doesn't have to lose weight for you. The real problem here is that she feels like you would want to cheat because of her weight. After 18 years I am quite sure that neither one of you looks like you did when you got married. If you love her than it shouldn't matter how much she weighs as long as she doesn't look like she'll have a heart attack if she takes one more step. If you want the marriage to work then you need to stop focusing on her weight and remember why you married her in the first place. Good luck.
2007-06-19 13:07:27 · answer #5 · answered by from_a_dark_place 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well to me no I don't see the point of continuing, why were you 2 going to begin with? was it because she is fat? do you plan on doing what she claims to be alright with her? honestly it shouldn't matter if she has gained weight or not if you love her, do you 2 have kids? I am 5'2 and 130 I was 103lbs when I met and married my husband 16yrs ago but after 3 kids I cant get myself even close to that weight again no matter how hard I have tried and he loves me either way...at one point I was 150lbs (that was 9yrs ago) I'm so sure that you haven't gained a pound in 18yrs right?....if you love her than encourage her to stay healthy join a gym together or something..but I believe there is more to this than you are telling...Good Luck
2007-06-19 13:10:41 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No..no more marital counseling... She needs a psychiatrist. There could possibly be an underlying problem that has nothing to do with you or y'alls marriage.
I'm guessing something has her severely depressed and the fact that you are at counselling with her, may be making it worse, which is why she is trying to compromise and let you know that it is OK for infidelity so long as you are happy. She doesn't want you to be as miserable as her.
This will actuallly lead to further problems that could be detrimental to her health, let alone yours. ACT NOW, before it's too late!
2007-06-19 13:11:40 · answer #7 · answered by John D 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds as though she needs a lot more counselling.
However,do you still look the same as you did 18 years ago?I bet not.
It's give and take both ways in a marriage.What has happened to give her this attitude?
If you love her and care about her,you'll continue with the counselling and work on making things better for both of you.
Good Luck.
2007-06-19 13:09:58 · answer #8 · answered by sonnyboy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It tells me that your wife has no respect for you and or she is feeling bad about gaining wait and she doesn't want to pull you down with her she feels. If she has that attitude yes she needs further counselling and she needs to start feeling better about herself. What you can do is give her reasurrence that she still looks pretty fat or not. Tell her it's what's within that matters. Show her that you love her even if it takes forever.
2007-06-19 13:06:02 · answer #9 · answered by Successor 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thats the kind of thing people say when they are angry, frustrated etc. I doubt she would really be happy with you cheating. Maybe she has some resentment towards you that isnt being addressed. Maybe she is frustrated herself with the weight gain. She is expressing herself in counseling so it would be better to continue with more of it. Stopping would be the worst. good-luck.
2007-06-19 13:09:22 · answer #10 · answered by undone 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She sounds defeated, or not self-confident anymore. Maybe it is your insensitivity, in saying that you are stuck with her. The first thing you mention is her weight. I think that you should do her some justice and get a divorce, or try and be a better partner and not cheat and be there for her. Good luck!
2007-06-19 13:05:20 · answer #11 · answered by metallicachic82 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋