Im 16 week pregnant i just found out last night my baby had no heartbeat and was told i would i need a d&c?

Question

Im 22 years old and this was my first pregnacy. how do i go on? this baby meant so much to me and my boyfriend. im truly hurt, what do i do now?

Answer 1

I am so sorry to hear that sweetie. There is no easy answer for this.
First, talk to your Doctor about what kind of misscarriage it was. I have had three misscarriages myself and they were all spontaneous...meaning there was no clear reason. I am healthy, and all the pregancies began fine. Sometimes there are health reasons as to why the pregnancy terminated.

You will always remember your little angel. What has gotten me through is knowing that they are my little angels and in Gods loving hands. I think about them on what would have been their due dates, its natural, and the want to have known them wont go away...but slowly the hurt will.

I have two children now, and the joy of when you do concieve again and have a baby will take a lot of the pain away. Its hard understanding 'whats meant to be', but when you do have more children, and you will, you will know they were just meant to be.

Give your body time to heal and start trying again when you are ready. You want your body to be fully healed before trying again.

I will tell you that the first few months when you get pregnant again will be nerve wracking but try to be caIm. I was always worried it would happen again, and that can take the fun out of being pregnant, so when you get pregnant again just try not to dwell on it.

I know your pain and I will pray for you, your boyfriend and your little angel. There are support grpups online you can join. I was a part of one on babycenter.com.

Much love to you.

Answer 2

I'm sorry for your loss. This has happened to me twice, so I feel you. In fact, I was 22 like you when it happened the first time.

It's even harder to lose a baby in the second trimester, bc you feel you're in the clear at that point. Well, you will mourn and be sad. VERY sad. I was quite depressed for a long while, and people were not helpful when they dismissed it as "not meant to be," when they suggested that there was "something wrong with it," or made it seem like it wasn't a big deal because I was only a few months along. A loss is a loss. My miscarriages were 10 and 5 years ago, and I still think about those babies all the time--how old would they be now? what would they look like? what personalities would they have had?

Your baby is now part of your life story. You will go on to have more babies, and you will be happy. You will get through this, but you are at the most painful point in the process RIGHT NOW. You are right in the thick of it. This is as hard as it will get.

You can try to conceive again (I know you want to try to fill that painful emptiness you're feeling now), but I would personally advise you to wait a while until you have healed from this loss. Give yourself a chance to mourn, and after a while, you'll find yourself on the other side of this. When people tell you to "just take it day by day," they mean that you should do whatever it takes to just make it through the day until you start feeling a little better. And that's what you've got to do, and with time, your wounds will begin to heal and you'll begin to feel a little better about the future.

One more thing: I know it sounds hokey, but a psychic once told me that the soul of my first baby really wanted me to be his momma, and that its presence was surrounding me, "hanging around" waiting for me to get pregnant again. So has my infant son actually been trying to come into my life for ten years now? Will your next pregnancy be the same soul as the baby you've already grown to love so much? I don't know, but it's a very comforting thought.

Good luck, honey

Answer 3

I'm so very sorry for your loss. In 2003 my husband and I lossed a baby to missed miscarriage we had just turned 23 and were so excited to be first time parents. We were devestated. Cry, scream, yell. It's okay to be angry and sad and confused. A miscarriage is more than losing a baby. It's losing part of your future, dreams, hopes and wishes too. There is no easy answer. Each day will get a little easier. Some people find it comforting to make a memory box for the baby and others choose to name the child they lost. Miscarriage is never easy, in fact, it's probably the second hardest thing my husband and I have gone through together. Four years ago this month is when we lost our baby. In time, the pain won't be such a sharp present ache, you'll bring the memories out from time to time and remember the anniversary dates but, you will survive. Even if it doesn't feel like it today, you will survive. Right now, it's such a raw pain. Unfortunately, miscarriage is very common. I've actually belonged to a miscarriage support board for four years now and some of my best friends are people I met on that website. Please feel free to visit www.silentgrief.com. The people there are amazing. Take it easy on yourself, take it a day at a time and remember that you can feel any way you want to and that your feelings are valid.

Answer 4

I am so sorry, i have somewhat experience the same pain, i thought everything was fine 2 weeks ago, to my suprise i get a ultra sound done, I was 17 weeks and i was told that my baby had no amniotic fluid, i was told i needed to see a pathologist so i did, when i see these dr's i was told that the baby had no fluid and there was (2) options i can do, the 1st option was to see if the bag would hold fluid, so i had this procedure where they inject fluid once they did this the water just gushed out of me, they stopped the test and said that they were sorry but i needed to terminate my pregnancy, this was monday, so we left the office, i didnt know what was going on, i was so hurt that my baby still had a strong heartbeat and i thought it was cruel to kill my baby, so i went for a 3rd option, and i was told the same thing, but this time i was told that if i left my child inside of me that i could get a infection that could damage my reproductive organs and even take my life away, me and my fiancee cried and asked god why are you doing this to us. Since this was my 2nd child, my first child is 11 yrs old and i'm just 29 yrs old, i didnt know why. I called my dr and scheduled an appt for saturday to get this procedure done, my baby was born on sunday with no heartbeat, i cried so much that it hurt me so bad, (it was a baby boy) he even had my nose all i could think why did god take my baby away, after this my placenta did not come out so i needed to have a d & c procedure, they gave me a spinal block to numb my lower body and perfomed this procedure, it took about 15 minutes, then they took me to the recovery room and then back to my room, i had no feeling to my lower body for about 6 hours, then after this i was sent home, it took 3 hrs to get home, on my way home all i did was cry and wonder "WHY" did god do this, I know it has only been 3 days since this happen. All I can say is stay close to your boyfriend and everything will be fine, I'm so sorry for your loss. If you need support just send me an email.

Answer 5

I'm very sorry for your loss. What you do now is you talk. Do not withdraw into yourself. You need to grieve the loss of your child. You have a double-whopper to deal with between the loss of a child combined with the risk of post-partum depression. Also be sure to include your boyfriend as he is likely going through his own grieving process. The two of you have a better chance of recovering and healing if you are able to grieve together rather than try to handle it separately.

Don't be afraid to talk with your family about this, especially your mother if you are close. Family can be a fantastic support system for someone experiencing a tragedy. Don't try to "self-medicate" through drinking, taking sleeping/pain pills as that increases the chances of an emotional dependency on a substance to become a physical addiction.

Also, understand that everyone experiences grief differently, there is no right or wrong...but there are typical stages that most people go through...educating yourself on these stages of grief will help you to realize what to expect from friends, family and yourself as you heal. These emotions are often powerful (anger, frustration, despondency) and are not choosy when it comes to picking a target, so if things get too intense diffuse the situation or step away for it for a while before someone does something irreparable to a relationship.

I hope this helps.

Answer 6

First thing I would do before I commit to anything would be to ask for another ultrasound or get a second opinion. Just to be sure there are no errors involved here.

If it does turn out that your baby has been lost then by all means - fall apart. This is a devastating expereince and you have every right to feel sad, disappointed, angry - whatever it takes. Get these feelings out - they are normal and healthy. Whatever you do don't think it is necessary to have a stiff upper lip and that you have to be all brave about it. Nor are you required to just think of it as "just one of those things" and not to worry, you can have another one. This was your precious little angel that can never be replaced. You need to mourn your loss, as it is a real loss.

You will start to feel better eventually. Once the grief is all out then the healing can begin. If you need it, there will be support and or counselling available and my advice would be to take it. Realising you're not alone can help. As can talking to other mothers and fathers who have been through it - find someone you can identify with and then ask for their strategies to cope. Better than trying to follow a one-size-fits-all pamphlet or something.

I am so sorry for your loss, it's just horrible. There's not really much anyone can do or say that will make this better for you in the short term, just take it one day at a time.

Answer 7

You need to look at this from a different prespective. I too, had a miscarriage in Oct 06 and felt the same way as you. I felt like my heart had been ripped out and like I was so unfit of a mother that I couldn't even stay pregnant. Everyday will get better. You have to realize that this happens a LOT. More often than we are ever told about. If you start asking around and talking about your feelings, you will see. That made me feel better and not so much like a failure. You lost that baby because there was something drastically wrong with it. I look at it as a blessing from God. He's weeding out the babies that would be better off in heaven than suffering on earth. You might not think so now, but someday you will look back and understand. My heart goes out to you -- hang in there. You can always try again. Someday, you'll get that precious baby and when you do, you'll be that much more grateful for him/her.

Answer 8

I can't imagine what you are going through, I'm sure you feel isolated, alone and afraid. Please make sure you have a few loved ones around you to help you when you return from your procedure, you will need it. Use your boyfriend and communicate, talk about your feelings, write them down, it may help. Use each other to lean on and draw strength from. It will take time to heal your pain, but with a great support system you can gain strength and resilience from this. Use any resources you have in your area, there are support groups and tools to help you cope. Be aware of your emotions, and when you need to, call someone, even a healthcare professional, they're there to help. I suffered from post-partum depression unexpectedly, with my first child when he was 5 months old. I know how dark and deary a world that can be. If you feel something isn't quite right, get help right away, your health is that important.

If there is one other thing I can suggest, perhaps you may even want to plant a tree, it might help.

This isn't the end, take all the time you need, and when you both feel ready, you can try again. Best of luck to you both. Sending hugs and good vibes your way.

Answer 9

It's hard to get over. I lost twins in 1999 and it still makes me sad sometimes. It does get better with time though.

Anyone who says something like "it was probably for the best" or "don't worry, when you have another one you'll forget about it" or "it wasn't a baby yet" or "God has a plan" - You have my permission to PUNCH THEM IN THE FACE. If you don't want to, I'll come do it for you.

What you do now is go get the D&C. They should drug you up so it wont hurt physically. Do not wait to do this. If your baby is dead, you could get blood poisoning and die as well. Make sure you have someone supportive to drive you and stay with you for the next couple days.

The day or two after your D&C your hormones will CRASH. Seriously. Even if you feel fine physically, you will probably be an emotional wreck. Make sure anyone who's going to be around you knows this and is prepared to be NICE no matter what.

I'm very sorry for your loss - if you need someone to talk to, you can email me through my profile. Good Luck!

Answer 10

Our bodies are amazing creations. They know things that we and our doctors will never know. Rest assured that your body and this Baby's body knew what they were doing. We rejoice when people die of old age because their bodies were tired and needed to go. Well, there's a good chance that this babies body was not forming correctly or had some serious, though probably still undetectable, problems. Maybe this pregnancy would have caused problems for you. You will never know answers to these questions. Just have faith that things work out for the best. Ask what you can learn from this situation and let yourself let go. Let yourself heal, both physically and emotionally. You can always try to get pregnant again. You are young.. you have lots of time.