how can i live with the fact that my husband cheated on me as everytime i look at him it reminds me of that???

Question

my boyfriend cheated on me and use to go out every night with differents girls when we were younger now we are married and have an amazing daghter but i still can't forget and every thing reminds me of one of his "girls". the situation is getting critical cuz i'm all the time pissed and agressive. i wish i wasn't but even if he spends all the time qith me i can't trust him. can anybody give me some help please????? thanks

Answer 1

Thats a tough one; Its a personal situation really. Thats really sad that he had to go out and find different girls when he had someone special at home. Everyone has to cope in their own way. Some get over it and some may never get over it. Its a lot harder when you have children. My husband has never cheated on me but there is a lot going on; hes going to Iraq in September and you could say that would be my biggest fear i know he loves me but us women have issues since birth i swear. I can sit here and say i would never take him back if he did cheat on me but i won't know unless i'm in that situation. Trust is a very important thing in a relationship and its up to you whether you believe hes changed or not. If you love someone they can destroy you and thats the hardest thing. I wish you luck and i hope you have the strength to let it go or do what you have to do.

Answer 2

well i sympathize for your situation very much. my first thought was to give him a second chance, since everyone makes mistakes and he's probably settled down now that he's married, but if you can't forget the past then maybe you should try marriage counseling with him, but if that doesn't work then i don't know what you should do. the only thing i'm really worried about is your daugther because she would be harmed if not physically then mentally by your actions, but if you do divorce with your husband, your daughter would be effected by that too. i do wish that everything goes well for your family since my family is very messed up. my dad is an abusive alcoholic and my mom never divorced him because she thought that it would be best for her children if she stay with him, but she's very wrong about that and now my brothers and i live in a pretty bad situation where none of us like my dad. my family seems pretty good on the outside, but there are problems the public does not see. if the only thing that is wrong with your husband is the fact that he used to cheat on you then you should try to forget about it. if there are other things he is doing now that is wrong and something that would later effect your family that i think it would be best to leave. whatever your choice would be i support you all the way, but be sure to think of all the consequences for doing that and when you have chosen that road then you should go all the way and never turn back or regret it.

Answer 3

Well don't try to stuff the feelings away because that never works.What you have to ask yourself is has your husband really changed and what evidence do you have (that you've seen) to support that.If you're gut feelings tell you that he hasn't changed then you need to find out what he's been up to to make sure that your instincts are right.If you're wrong about him and think that he has changed, and is being loyal to you then you could do one or all of these three things.One is go talk to a counselor or therapist about it.No one should have to have that much anger and frustration bottled up inside of them. Make him go and talk too.he should explain why he acted like a manwhore back when he was dating you.The second thing you could do is to keep an anger journal.It would be a blank notebook that you wrote all the trash that he did down and how you felt about it.Write until you fingers hurt from writing and do it everyday until you have nothing left to say.It really helps to get it all out.The third thing you can do is to get an old bed pillow and punch the hell out out it.( make sure your daughter is another room).Focus all your anger into the motion of whacking that dang pillow and you'll see after doing this several times you'll start to feel better.You could also take a martial arts class or start going for walks to help vent some steam.I know these techniques work because I've used them myself.Good luck, it WILL get better.

Answer 4

when dealing with a couple where one has cheated on the other in the past it is important to realize that there are two sides to every part. example: when one cheats you either 1. will take them back or 2. will not. if you don't take them back then go about your merry way. if you do, then 1. you will forgive and not forget 2. harbour serious trust issues. more people tend tword the second, it takes a very unique and specially dispositioned person to just forgive and move on because we all know they never forget. so if you decide to forgive then you have moved on end of story. being that the second is more your situation and there are trust issues that are unresolved, they are now becoming aggresion issues because human beings have a tendacy to take what they either do not understand or can not control and express anger twords it. let me tell you the definition of trust: consistancy over time. if he has been consistant over time then perhaps his track record with you and the dedication he has shown over time to you also is proof enough that perhaps he can change-did change-wanted to change-or all three. you have to remember that what is really frustrating because of all the hurt that can be caused over that period of time he is still with you and you seem to have made it this far even though he could have freely left at any time. maybe, maybe i am wrong. on the other hand perhaps the reason you are unable to let go of those feelings is because you still glimpse some of the old him at times and there is that reminder, either way you were hurt. you felt betrayed. but either way you just like him made a conscious decision to have a second go. both of you deserve happiness, if everything else is fine in the relationship then it is time to let down that wall and go ahead and let it go. although it may be hard and leave you feeling vulnerable you don't deserve to be making yourself this unhappy, or him, or especially your daughter. you got somethign none of those other girls ever got, his love, his respect, his commitment to you and now to you guys' daughter. that should mean alot to you to have something given to you by choice when obviously it could of gone to someone else.

Answer 5

I echo a lot of what these other responses are, please seek counseling. If nothing else for you. You have trust issues and will NEVER get over that unless you truly forgive - if you want to. If you can't forgive, no amount of you two working on trust together is going to work. Start with the root and go from there.
I went through counseling for the same thing (no kids though) and I chose not to forgive him and we are now sadly divorced. Trust can not be repaired and grow unless forgiveness is there 1st. But be honest with yourself, if you can't forgive and will ALWAYS think about his past, or bring it up in arguments, or let it effect how you treat him, then thats your answer. Be fair and honest to both parties, you owe it to yourself, your kid, and your husband.

Answer 6

Your problem is you can't forgive him but you still wnat to be with him it will never work you will make all of you alls life a living hell because of the hurt and pain you have inside I would not seperate for a long time it just give the men the right in a way to cheat because you wanted to be seperated I would get a divorce because I am thinking of what you are putting everyone through baby most of all be blessed

Answer 7

FIRST, I WANT TO ASK YOU IF YOU HAD THESE FEELINGS WHEN THE TWO OF YOU GOT MARRIED? IF YOU DID, THEN WHY DID YOU GET MARRIED INSTEAD OF TAKING THE TIME TO HEAL THAT WOUND. WHAT IS IT THAT HE DOING SO WRONG THAT MAKES YOU THINK OF THE OTHER GIRLS? I THINK YOU NEED TO ADDRESS THIS ISSUE WITH YOUR HUSBAND AND SEEK SOME TYPE OF HELP, ONLY IF THE TWO OF YOU TOGETHER AS HUSBAND AND WIFE CAN'T HELP YOU GET OVER THESE FEELINGS. IF YOU DON'T IT WILL NEVER BE RIGHT IN YOUR HEART THAT HE IS DOING WHAT HE HAS TO DO TO BE A LOYAL HUSBAND AND YOU'LL SPEND ALL YOUR DAYS UPSET AND BITTER BEHIND SOMETHING THAT MIGHT NOT EVEN BE THERE ANYMORE!

Answer 8

The two of u need to sit down and talk and start over with a clean slate. It's the only way ur gonna get through this. U have to let the past go and live in the now. Otherwise ur gonna be miserable for the rest of ur life.

Answer 9

You have a big forgiveness issue to deal with concerning your old boyfriend-husband. You knew what he was like when you married him, but you married him anyway and demonstrated to yourself that you had power over the man. Now, your anger and aggressiveness wants him to repent, but that too is a power trip, because he's spending his time with you but to you its not good enough. You need to honestly forgive him for his past. let go of it and relate to the man you are married to today. You also need to whole heartedly forgive yourself for marrying a man you knew you didn't trust. I think that is where the anger and aggression comes from, you may be angry with yourself, but you're making him pay because he is the focus of your mistake. Keep in mind forgiveness may be the cure.

Answer 10

In my opinion, I think you made a mistake marring this guy if you where having problems with him from before you where married.
If he was cheating on you before you married why would you think that he wouldn't do it when you are married.

I think that if you are having trust issues with him than it is time for you guys to go your separate ways. Just have a relationship that is very basic for your daughter but other than that just leave it there.

Good Luck!