I've been married two years. in that two years i can probably count on one hand how many times we have had sex. He is into Fetishes, and i'm not overly comfortable with that. I don't like the idea of hurting him or "pretend" hurting even for pleasure. I love my husband so much but i am so frustrated and upset. He Masterbates to fetish videos and i dunno what to do. Leaving him is not an option, and Talking to him hasn't worked.. we talk about it alot. what should i do?
2007-06-19 04:53:49 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Men often dont know how to share their sexuality, especially when it comes to masturbation ... it tends to be very personal and hidden ... no guy wants to be called a "jerk-off or a "phag", and these are the typical comments that would follow such actions at the water cooler per-say, and its something guys have hidden, from friends, from family, since they were children ... so dont expect him to instantly know how to share it with you ... but trust me, he does want to share it with you, he just doesn't know how to do it and feel comfortable, and/or part of the fetish is doing it privately 'in the dark'
I would suggest two things ... masturbate with him and see if its a turn-on for you ... and have him see a sex therapist to see if together you can find a way to share your fantasies
... I went through this, I was afraid to share my fantasies with my GF because I was worried she wouldn't accept me ... what I found out was, when I finally rid myself of the peer pressures around me, was that she had many of the same fantasies as I did ... and opening up about that stuff made us more sexually active and able to please each other than we had ever been before
2007-06-19 05:30:54 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I know that you are not nuts about his fetish, but what if you met him 1/2 way. Tell him that you will do this, (once a week, month whatever) if he can give you what you want in return. Maybe after he gets it his way he may not be all that into it. Sometimes fetishes are only liked so much because its not the norm. I wouldnt say hurt each other, but work it out with boundries. Then on your nights he caters to your needs and desires. Try it you may find it works. If not buy some toys for you. Not as great but better than no sex.
2007-06-19 05:00:16 · answer #2 · answered by How can I help? 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Well Cat he didn't just happen to become this way out of the blue. You've been married 2 years and I'm assuming there was a dating/engagement time before that. If you married him knowing things would be this way, then you have to face it. Why try to change him now. Either you can stay and deal with it, or you can't. You said leaving wasn't an option and you've talked about it and nothing has changed, I don't know what more you can do. See a "counselor" which is so cliche, but I don't know what else you can do.
2007-06-19 05:06:32 · answer #3 · answered by Brandy 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
my first question is--you didn't know this about him before you got married? If not, why?
fetishes are really not controllable. it is next to impossible to control what turns you on--it just does. So if he like pain, then spank him, whip him a bit, do something. To him it isn't hurting--it is something he craves. And, over time, if he doesn't get it from you, he'll find a way to get it. Whether it is porn, prostitutes, affairs--he'll get his needs met some way or another.
Also, from experience, I can say that certain likes/dislikes can come and go over time. My first wife was so sexually rigid that my fantasies went wild and I got into a panty fetish. Amazing that when I got divorced a few years later and found someone I was sexually compatible with, those desires basically fell away. So frustrated sexual desire will grow and grow if it is not met--or accepted.
So my answer is to try to get into it a little bit--you don't have to change who you are or become a domanatrix but play a bit with him. You might like it--you might not--but he will.
Barring that, I'd say go to counseling.
2007-06-19 05:01:21 · answer #4 · answered by music_lover_in_ga 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
What a waste of a good women. You've been cheated in your marriage for two years and think of all the orgasms you didn't have because of him.
What is he into, dressing up as a baby and you spanking his willey with a hot coat hanger until it wilts?
Ask him if it's OK for you to seek normal romantic sex elsewhere because you don't do the fetish thing. He is being selfish and denying you your deserved pleasures.
If he says no, give him an ultimatum: "normal sex or I go elsewhere". Feteish sex isn't normal and shouldn't be considered your only option. You need to lay the law down. You suffered for two years. You have a lot of catching up to do.
2007-06-19 06:40:16 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
What approximately extra foreplay and having intercourse after his first orgasm. try on an afternoon once you the two are off artwork and merely plan the full day of having extra conscious of a minimum of one yet another bodily. purchase some relaxing lube and take a inspect each and every thing that each and each of you have been curious to objective and don't carry back. Do all of it and don't supply up till you may eat. After wards get the wasteland out and have some extra relaxing. you may detect a sparkling guy regardless of each and every thing. by utilizing the way try having intercourse known till the two one among you are going to be out of city or you have family participants over that could interrupt your interest in the time of the day or evening.
2016-10-18 00:54:42 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sex, like so many other issues in a relationship, is sometimes going to be about compromise.
He gives you what you want/need and you give him what he craves. If he wants what he wants then he should be more than willing to satisfy you the way you desire. If you love him, you want to please him, you want this relationship to work, and it isn't actually 'hurting' anyone, then try it. Start with what feels comfortable for you and maybe that will appease him. Or, you will get more comfortable and be able to step it up abit.
Another compromise could be that he gets to watch the videos WHILE you are having sex. He gets his visuals and you don't have to ACTUALLY do anything to him yourself.
As long as you guys can talk about it --- that is huge!
Good luck, take care, relax, and have fun!
2007-06-19 05:03:54 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Marriage counseling. It sounds like you are very sexually mismatched and this could cause a serious problem for you. I would suggest bringing in an outside source like a counselor to help you guys through it. You need to figure out WHY you aren't comfortable with his fetishes and figure out what you can each compromise on to meet in the middle in the bedroom. Unfortunately, both of you are entirely too close to the situation and you need to have a therapist help you guys out.
2007-06-19 04:58:50 · answer #8 · answered by Kitten 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Time to compromise. He is not going to stop his fetishes and is even masturbating to them. The compromise comes when you give him a list of things you are comfortable doing and a list of things you would like to do together. Work from there. if that doesnt help, your options are limited since you said leaving is not an option
2007-06-19 04:58:17 · answer #9 · answered by dave n 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If it is such an issue, I'm not quite sure what possessed you to marry this guy. You must have known his inclinations before you decided to marry him; how did you plan on dealing with it at the time? It seems that both of you had known up front what you were getting into, and both of you need to compromise. Sometimes you do what he likes, and other times he does what you like. I'm not sure how else this could work.
2007-06-19 05:08:37 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋