married and sexually frustraded??

Question

my husand and I have been married for 7 years and at first sex was great. Now after career and kids, the romance and emotional connection is not there. He said a 3 some would bring it back for him. But he is not satisfying me at all sexually (never have and orgasm). I feel like I am with a high school kid that's all intercourse, no foreplay, never role played (he said that was stupid), just same ole routine sex....BORING! How can I tell him what I need to pleasure me. I was readin up on tantric sex and that sound interesting. I feel like, correct me if I am wrong, I am on a more mental and spiritual/emotional level of sexual pleasure and he is still on new women, or variety, the physical level (childish). What should I do. At times I do think of wanting to be with another man. I even thought of allowing him to have his 3 some (with 2 other women) in return have sex with another man & have him to watch & learn LOL....I don't know, please help.

Answer 1

Do not engage in a threesome or have sex with another man! You'll only be lowering and disrespecting yourself!

HE is your husband. HE is responsible for pleasing you sexually! DEMAND the treatment you want. Tell him that it is either good sex, or no sex at all!

Sex takes up too much time and energy for you to do it with NO SATISFACTION AT ALL!

The next time he suggests bringing another woman into YOUR bed, whack him over the head with something!

He is sooooo selfish! First, he overlooks your needs altogether, then he wants you to have sex with another woman, just so that he will not feel guilty about cheating on you? Tell him that if he wants to see lesbian sex, he should rent a tape!

I am sorry for sounding so upset, but I happen to take the matter of sex extremely seriously!

Answer 2

3somes can be fun - when the couple already has a healthy and fulfilling sex life. But adding others to the bedroom when things aren't good will not make them better. Think about it, if you get some hot stud and he's doing it all right, then you go back to your husband and he's not, wouldn't you constantly be desiring that what you got from the other guy? And if your husband has the 3 some - with two other women no less - then how are "you" connecting with him? If he has the stamina to have two women at once, and one isn't you, then there is a real problem here. This is going deeper than just the physical satisfaction of sex. Men connect through physical sex, women through emotional. Neither of you are getting what you need and I think you should spend some time exploring each other, figuring out what you need. Because I'm sorry, if you have to go outside your marriage for that "connection" then why be married at all? Good luck.

Answer 3

Hmm from what you said I don't know if he's physically or mentally up for Tantra...you could try taking tantra classes if you're really interested.
Have you tried incorporating toys?? I think you need to sit him down and tell him what you want....he seems childish on the other hand though just thinking that a 3 some would spice it up...kinda hard to see when you describe it as boring presently...a 3some wouldn't spark anything cause maybe he'd just do the same old crap stuck in his way. Then again...
I read an article last week in RED that having an affair could actually strengthen your relationship though so who knows maybe a 3some could work for you... Have you ever tried being the aggressor? Like when he comes home from work try pouncing on him or pay him a lil visit at work...send him sexy texts and e-mails through-out the day or call him to let him know you're thinking about him....

Answer 4

I can understand your frustration, but is sex so much of the substance of your marriage that you and your husband would risk the emotional risk of bringing another person (or more) into your relationship? Relationships are so complicated, anyway, with just the two of you rtying to meet needs/desires. Yes, sex with the same person, night after night, day after day, can become boring, particularly when two people's objectives are at odds - you want emotional closeness and growth (hence an interest in what you think might be some sort of "higher plane" through rituals or other mental enhancments) and he wants just fresh new excitement through physical activity. I like your ideas of role playing; maybe you can research some sort of role-playing that he could "get into."
I guess he won't agree to read any books (or websites, where pictures might help hold his interest) on new activities he could try to enhance YOUR pleasure as well as his own.
But I just hope you two haven't any children, as you both don't seem too interested in deepening your relationship.

Answer 5

I am happily married and extremely sexually satisfied, but I am often sexually attracted to other men. I think I'm just a very sexual person, and I like to look (and fantasize, lol) However, I'm 100% positive my husband does the same with attractive women. Nothing wrong with it, we come home to each other. I don't think you are unusual at all, it's not "abnormal" if you're only attracted to you guy, I think it's cute.

Answer 6

Offer a 3 some with another man versus another girl. He will probably throw the idea out. Yes you need to talk to him and maybe get help. This will be a reoccuring issue and maybe tear up the marriage. So it's early enough to do something about it. Have him watch you while you touch yourself. Don't let him have you.. spicen it up a bit.. try anything new. 40% of women never had an orgasm. But with toys they had a higher %. Good luck

Answer 7

Well since you have never had a "O" then I am gonna comment on the fact that sex was never great to begin with then!! If he is boring you then tell him, tell him what you wanna try. He may like it too.Most men are about the physical, not emotional. You need to teach him. I would teach him before I fu** another in a sacred marriage!! If you bring others into your bed, you are asking for a whole mess of problems that will be your fault! Teach him by practicing on him, not with another. Communication is the key, and you have none.

Answer 8

Becareful with the entire threesome idea. It sounds better in theory than in reality and has ruined many a relationship. It does sound like he hasn't really heard your frustrations about sex so maybe you need to have a more serious talk about it. One suggestion is to initiate your fantasy (with just the two of you) and hope that he is willing to play along. The other is to see a sex counselor. From your description I am guessing that he doesn't understand the severity of this issue. Make sure he knows and allow him to be involved. If he can't or won't...the relationship may not last.

Answer 9

Baby girl "DO NOT BRING OTHERS INTO YOUR BED". That is a sacred place for "You" and "Your Husband. Go to your husband and tell him, " baby I really need to talk to you about our sex life. I haven't been please lately and I want us come up with ways that only you and I could do to spice it up." After you tell him then listen to his response. Then instead of waiting for him to make the first move you do it girl. Sometimes men have to be lead to the honey and we as women have to be creative in showing them where it is and how to get it. So baby girl, try some of these (get the kids out the house): become a stripper in your bedrm, buy a wig, change you accent, turn into a complete freak. Buy the lip gloss that smells fruity (it tastes fruity too) and put it on places where you want him to kiss and touch. Girl, you take charge and show him what you want, I promise he will give it you RIGHT! Trust me, I DOOOOOOOOOOO know!!!

Answer 10

Your hubby doesn't sound very sexual at all. That'd be okay if you were the same way, but clearly not.

This guy's got to either get it going, or you will eventually find somebody to fulfill your needs. The fact that you've never had an orgasm tells me you will eventually seek out the person who can make it happen.

That's the bottom line: either he steps up, or you will go elsewhere. Meantime, don't indulge any of his fantasies until he's willing to satisfy your basic needs. If he's not willing to see your sexuality as a benefit, then dump him and find someone who will.