ok, i am 9 months pregnant. well i have 2 weeks until my due date. i am still with the father, but he made a stupid mistake and he is in jail. i dont know what is going to happen bc he has been in trouble before(before we got together) i dont know what to do about my baby's last name. he wants her to have his, but i dont know how long he will be gone and i dont want people to think bad of me and my daughter. we have done nothing wrong and i have never even been in trouble before. if i were to hyphenate her last name, would we be able to change it later, like if things do or dont work out with me and her father? and if it is hyphenated, will i have to write both names on everything? im just not sure how this works. please dont judge me. thank you so much for any advice you have. and im sorry this was so long.
2007-06-19 04:34:02 · 15 answers · asked by lcy_baby 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Baby Names
Look. Your gut is trying to tell you something. Give the baby your last name. You seem to realize that at best, this guy isn't dependable and at worst, he is capable of some shady stuff. You will be your baby's rock, her constant, give her your last name.
Best-
DN
2007-06-19 04:38:54 · answer #1 · answered by Dalice Nelson 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
First off find out how long the father will be in jail, and talk to him about how involved he will be in your baby's life. If he is going to get out of jail soon and wants to be a big part of the child's life I don't think it would be fair to take that right from him. ALTHOUGH if he IS going to be in jail for a while and you don't think he will be a big part of the child's life then i say give her your last name. Another thing you need to do is put yourself in the shoes of the child, do you think that farther in the future your baby would want the last name of a guy she doesn't know well?.. Also put yourself in the shoes of the father, does he want to be in jail? I mean really, I'm sure if hes a nice guy he probably doesn't want anything but to be a part of this. I wish you luck in making the right decision.
And Congrats!
2007-06-19 11:48:31 · answer #2 · answered by proudteenmom1 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My to sons have my last name. I was married when I had my oldest, but was not when he was conceived so I did not have to give him my husbands last name. My husband had left and was not coming back so I game him my maiden name, and changed mine back with the the divorce. My second son also has my maiden name because the father and I were not together at the time. We did work things out and got married when my son was two and we know have a daughter that has his last name. We have looked in to changing both my sons names, one by adoption the other by legal name change. Where I live the legal name change is $20 and all we have to do is sign some papers because the father is listed on the birth certificate. So it is completely up to you, there is nothing that says the baby has to have the fathers last name unless you were married at the time of conception.
2007-06-19 11:44:28 · answer #3 · answered by proudmommy 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No one has any right to judge you my dear.We are all human and make mistakes.
Yes,you can hyphenate the last names and you should always use both.
However,yes you could change her name at a later date but it has to be done legally through a lawyer and it will cost you or she could change her name when she gets older if things don't work out and she doesnt want to carry his name
Or you could do the reverse and give her your last name and add his later.
Do what you feel is best for your child and what's in your heart.
2007-06-19 11:41:36 · answer #4 · answered by sonnyboy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In my opinion,best thing for you to do to make it easiest on you and your baby is give her your last name. If he comes back in the picture and proves he can be trusted with her heart,you can easily, for about $60,have her name changed to his. For now, I would give her your name, you will both have the same last name and it makes it easier when filling out any legal forms,etc,plus when she's old enough to ask she might ask why her last name is not like yours and what would you tell her if her father is still in jail? As for what people might think of you.....who cares!! You know who you are and what is going on in your life, the rest is no one elses business. Good Luck!! Have a wonderful delivery and love that baby like you've never loved before. I know you will,you don't really know love until you look into the eyes of your newborn child.
2007-06-19 11:45:30 · answer #5 · answered by Christy K 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Coming from someone that has been through the same situation I would without a doubt give the child your last name. Not to worry, those who really care for you will not judge.
My mother gave me my fathers last name (he was in jail as well). after they split she changed my last name to her 'new husbands last name'. I couldn't be enrolled in school for nearly a year late because I had to receive a 'new' birth certificate with the correct info. Now my mom is divorced once again and I am glued to a last name that has no connection to who i am at all.
So follow your gut. I think you know what is best.
Good Luck
2007-06-19 12:16:21 · answer #6 · answered by ready2volley 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I gave my son my last name and it was the best move I ever made. you can't guaruntee if the father will stick around when he gets out of jail or if you will be together for ever and if you break up he may not want to see your daughter. I would give her your last name until you marry this man. Let him prove he can be a father. If he disappears, then you dont want your daughter havign the last name of someone she doesn't remember. My son's father was around for about a month and then decided it was too mcuh work. So, I was SO glad I gave him my name.
2007-06-19 12:10:52 · answer #7 · answered by maedaze810 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Golden's mom says that it is much easier for you if you give the baby your last name. When your child gets older, they will probably be glad that they have the same last name as their mom. In the meantime, don't beat yourself up over any mistakes that you feel you have made. Just look forward to your new life with your baby. Your child will teach you more in life than anyone else ever can. Congratulations!
2007-06-19 11:45:54 · answer #8 · answered by golden sephiroth 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In your circumstance, I would give the baby only my last name and consult a lawyer about your boyfriend's parental rights. Sometimes they can be automatically eliminated if the parent is in jail. In the future, when/if he straightens himself out, you can allow a relationship with him and his child, but at this point, you must be responsible and protect your child from him. I know somebody who didn't even have the dad's name put on the birth certificate, which has turned out to be a good thing because he is seriously bad news.
2007-06-19 11:39:40 · answer #9 · answered by sparki777 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should give the baby your last name but if the father gets out of jail & gets his life together then if YOU want to change your baby's last name to his it shouldnt be that hard just go to court
2007-06-19 11:43:57 · answer #10 · answered by MISS J 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give her your last name. If and when he gets out of jail you can always change her last name to his. It is a lot easier to change from your name to his than it would ever be to change your babies once she has his.
My mom and bio father separated when I was a little over a year (he was abusive) and I had his last name. Personally I hated having a different name then my parents. I had little to no contact with my bio dad so the name meant nothing. I wish I could of taken my "dad's" name but because my bio dad would not agree we could not legally change it. I always hated that!!
2007-06-19 11:40:09 · answer #11 · answered by Oh me oh my...♥ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋