For Example: name calling, putting his name on singles net, telling you that you have to go to the hospital because you have mental problems? Runs up his credit to the max and you haven't contributed to this debt.
2007-06-19 03:16:48 · 46 answers · asked by 24Special 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
To Ny Yanks Girrl He started becoming like this about a year after we were married, otherwise there's no way I would have married him knowing he was like that.
2007-06-19 03:28:00 · update #1
I was engaged to a man like that. There came a time when I stated to believe all the things he was saying and I truly felt like I was not strong enough to leave. Then I was afraid that no one else would want me and maybe he was the best that I could do.
A lot of little girls believe that love is magical and fairytale like and wonderful. I remember when he told me, "Real lif is not the ******* high school prom." I was crushed! I felt so stupid to think that love was ever going to be that way. But eventually I got tired of the abuse and mistreatment. Don't kid yourself. That is exactly what it is - abuse - mental and verbal and it very often escalates. Sometimes those things hurt more than being hit. Men like that try to tear you down - often because they feel threatened.
I can't tell you what to do but I will tell you this. When I finally decided I could not take it anymore and I left, I found a strength in me that I did not know existed. God loves me and I deserve to be treated with love and respect and somewhere along the way, I had forgotten that. It is hard to find that strength sometimes and it is hard breaking up and leaving what you thought was your soulmate, but do you want to spend your life feeling the way you do now? And do you want to bring children into that situation? No one deserves to be treated that way. I will tell you that because I found that strength in me and learned to love myself, support myself, and be by myself without needing to be in a relationship, the right man DID come along and love me and respect me and is a good person and an amazing father. Don't beat yourself up - sounds like he did that enough already, but be glad that this situation was placed in front of you to grow and to find your strength. You deserve better and I promise, it is out there.
I also did some free counseling at a domestic violence organization. I would encourage you to do that too. It was really helpful in learning how to empower myself.
2007-06-19 03:30:21 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No I would NEVER leave my husband because I took a vow that said "till dealth do us part" and I believe that divorce isn't an option. Today people seem to think that its "till death do us part, till times get rough, or until someone better comes along..." That doesn't mean that I believe you should live in misery. Don't for one instance think that your marriage cannot be saved because EVERY marriage can be saved. Honestly, there is a book you need to read. It's called Fighting For Your Marriage: Marriage Enhancement and Divorce Prevention Book. This book gives you the tools to either improve your marriage or help prevent your good marriage from going sour. I suggest you get this book and read it thoroughly. This book teaches you the skills to communicate. Its not all about agreeing but more about understanding. Read the book and you'll see what I'm talking about.
2007-06-19 03:27:19 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Everyone has a line that they don't allow others to cross. It sounds like he has crossed yours. Be careful, think things through slowly. Is it all negative, does he ever make you feel good about yourself? Is it something that good old fashioned communication can work out? If not, you know what you have to do. But first remember you are a great person deserving of respect, you deserve whatever makes you happy.
2007-06-19 03:22:57 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try marriage counseling first... divorce is so drastic! If that doesn't work divorce might be the only way to go: (
I'm glad to hear that you sound like you know you have self-worth and that you are not letting him bring you down. The biggest problem I would have is him putting his name on singles.net... that is very, very wrong!!!
Also, the credit debt is something you have to watch out for! What's he buying??? You don't want to be responsible for it, so if your a joint cardholder, it might be best to get the account closed.
2007-06-19 03:22:05 · answer #4 · answered by ohmygosh 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes I would. In fact, I did.:) My ex husband called me horrible names for years whenever we argued. He also made it clear on a daily basis that he was superior and far more intelligent than me. Luckily, he was very responsible with money, so I did not take any mutual debt with me when I left the marriage. When I finally realized that I was perfectly capable of being on my own and having a happier life, I left. I have not looked back, nor have I regretted my decision. I am now with a man who treats me wonderfully and am happier than ever. Ending a marriage is a sad situation, but living your life with someone who treats you horribly is such a waste. I wish you the best of luck with your situation.:)
2007-06-19 03:49:44 · answer #5 · answered by Sophie 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I know it's easier said then done but YES!
A marriage should be about love, respect,& communication. You are not getting any of that! There are many men out there that would treat you so much better than he is. Let him know how you feel and if he doesn't change you are gone!
Stick to it and if he doesn't then leave him.. IF he really cared he wouldn't be tring to meet others online or calling you names and making you feel bad about yourself! He wants you to not like yourslef so he can have his control over you and you'll deal with his crap... Don't let it happen.. Get out!!
2007-06-19 03:23:38 · answer #6 · answered by Heather 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OMG! If you look up the word 'ABUSER' his picture should be there as an example.
You can contact the IRS and file what is called "innocent spouse" which means any debts he runs up in his name will be his sole responsibility.
Now, get the hell out of this marriage before he completely destroys you, and get counseling.
Good luck hon
2007-06-19 03:21:59 · answer #7 · answered by Bethany I 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes.
I'd leave.
I think that mental abuse is just as bad, if not worse, than physical abuse. And I'd also leave after any man touched me in a harsh way.
We are all too good to put up with mental abuse.
Free yourself of this depressing state so that you can enjoy life to the fullest.
2007-06-19 03:31:15 · answer #8 · answered by starbucksismygod 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I think I would try other alternatives like talking to him and telling him that the way he makes you feel makes you wanna leave. That might be a eye opener. If that didnt work, try the famous conseling route, if that didnt workl and really gave your all to the marriage but it is still in fault, then leave. But yes Respect is a MUST in marriage.
2007-06-19 03:22:07 · answer #9 · answered by How can I help? 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
yes..and have...my dear. I have debt too from a loan and credit card that was used for family and all my wages went into the pot. Now i am gone and going to sort out my life and live simple and clean and pick my friends very wisely. I have learned alot from this. NOthing is ever wasted in life but if a person gets no respect from another and is able to leave the situation...LEAVE...it will only get worse and worse...he sees you as his whipping post. SCOOT...FAST...GET HELP..LOADS OF IT OUT THERE..I FOUND OUT THE HARD WAY..WAITED TOO LONG..GOOOOOO. GOD SPEED!!
2007-06-19 03:21:29 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋