Divource due to lack of logical choosing of right partner from the beginning?

Question

I often read that when comes to adultery, the victim usually blame her spouse for the hurt he inflicted in adultery.

But the matter of fact is that did she realise that he is a flirt when they courted each other and fail to think logically before she choose the appropriate partner? How about the marriage vows that she undertake, isn't it a vow that i will love you no matter what happened, bet it good or bad times, till death do we part?

Or we take marriage too lightly?

Answer 1

Flirting is flirting. Cheating is cheating. She logically thought they were different. You illogically thought she didn't care.

Spock is reeling in his grave right now...

Vows are to love, honor, RESPECT... There's a serious lack of respect if you're banging other women behind her back. If she knew about it and was okay with it, you still wouldn't be honoring the woman you chose to spend your life loving, honring, respecting.

You certainly take marriage too lightly.

Answer 2

"i will love you no matter what happened, bet it good or bad times, till death do we part?"

From some husbands, kid you not, "They're just words"

I think what happens is some people have a preset idea of what its going to be like: for example: Women can rely on the man to be a provider and a security, while men can expect the woman to be nurturing and loving. And as we all know, no one is that cookie cutter. We all have our baggage. Some comes out the moment we have kids, some as simple as little disagreement over something. Some over finances. These are things that no one can forsee very well for the events would have to already be in play. So I think its a matter of certain events, that are skeletons in peoples closets that they never faced coming to light again and instead of facing it and making the couple strong, they do what they've done before, run from it. I think the intentions are pure at the start, its the long haul that makes most people cave.

Just to comment on some others statements, most of which I agree with, just adding more info:

Biblically, the only way you can divorce is through adultery.
BUT, if you forgive and then say forget it, you cant... found that interesting.

Other than that I think I'll just be in a round about way repeating what everyone else says, its a matter of staying strong through the hard times, some will, most wont.

Answer 3

adultery doesnt always stem from marrying a "flirt". there can be lots of variables that impact adultry, i.e: poor communication, being to busy, a persistant "other" who gets next to one, to get the other...its all sorts of scenerios that can cause it to happen.

the blame game IS probably played a lot during bitter divorces over adultery...but no one has control over another person...people do what they want to do, either because they have different sets of values or belief systems, they take their relationship for granted, or simply make a mistake. but in the course of emotional pain, neither can anyone dictate how much another person can or should tolerate...after all, adultery is as painful emotionally as it is dangerous physically...and everyone has their own coping level of what they can and can not put up with.

i do agree that marriage vows are not taken as seriously as they were intended to be...look at the divorce rates that we have these days...i read somewhere that 1 out of every 2 couples can end up divorced. i think its not just the issue of marriage being taken lightly, but also the effort that goes into forming a successful marriage: some people dont want to put the work into making a marriage work...because it takes a lot of give and take...and we live in a "me" generation....

good question.

Answer 4

It almost sounds like you are trying to rationalize that adultery is okay for some individuals.

The couple you are speaking of are BOTH taking vows in front of family, friends, the state and God. If the man has a tendency to go with other women, it is not the wife to blame, but the man for not having enough control of himself either to continue the single life or commit and stay with one woman.

We all have to make choices in life and you have to take the good with the bad. Marriage is one of those decisions I believe many people do not take lightly.

Answer 5

First and foremost, marriage is a serious matter. You should honor your vows and take them seriously. The vows actually to love and to cherish through good and bad times, the bad may actually be something that you can't take lightly and can't recover from. I beleive that people should give and receive second chances but after that, the relationship may not be able to stand another test. It just depends on the couple.

Answer 6

This is coming from a woman who has been cheated on.....
He wasn't a flirt when we were dating. However, once we married it was a totally different situation. I do believe in my marriage vows but now where in those marriage vows does it say that you should stay and be subjected to contracting a horrible sexually transmitted disease nor does it say you will be subjected to humiliation and mental turmoil. You DO SAY IN THE VOWS TO BE FAITHFUL! I appreciate your question and it's good to see that some are thinking about how serious marriage is.

Answer 7

yes I believe that there is a lack of respect and that many dont believe in the sanctity of marriage anymore, look at the divorce rate and gun shot weddings ? People get married sometimes thinking they know that person and theyre people who dont show they are until after, they put the best foot forward then show there true colors later on, plus now people get upset and forst words are "divorce". Under some circumstances, some are severe, I can see a person trying and trying and then leaving but today there is none of that. what ever happened to communication, humiliation, being humbled or just trying to work it out, people the cheater or the person cheated on can be overwhelmed and become so desensitized, but i think that its the fault of the weak person who commits adultery.

Answer 8

my wedding vows stated "and to remain faithfull for the rest of our days" Obviously a person is a flirt when you meet them, how else are you going to meet them?? the victim has EVERY right to blame her spouse for adultry. What about the vows that he undertook,they obviously don't mean jack and how in the H**L would anyone expect a person to continue to love a person that cheats on them when it is blatently CLEAR that they are not being loved by the cheater. It sounds like you are mad at your wife because she caught you cheating and does not want to be married to you any longer. You need to have thought about your own vows in this situation. The person that cheats is the one taking the marriage too lightly.

Answer 9

I'll make a long story short, who ever thinks
love is logical and basis there decision to
marry another upon it also believe's there's
an easter bunny with a bag of toys for all
little girls and boys who come's down the
chiminey once a year and if he see's his
shaddow on a certain day of the year is
quite sure that there'll be a 3rd coming of christ. Am i making any sence? it's not marriage we take lightly, but each other,

good luck.

Answer 10

I agree it is lack of choosing the right partner, after coming to the end of a 4 year relationship where I have done that exact thing, he did not commit adultery that I know of, but is very abusive and I knew but believed and trusted when he said he wouldn't do that to me, and he did.