No title yet...
Digging my heels into the sand,
breathing in the ocean scent,
I feel peaceful like never before.
How I never want this to end.
My mind slowly drifts to a calm place,
barriers rise around me,
like the superb Great Wall of China,
protecting it's land from harm.
For now, I'm able to block you out.
Your childish, high-pitched laugh,
your cute, little tan face,
and everything else about you.
Able to block out your age,
and your luscious curly hair.
Able to block out your lack of...
intelligence and so much more.
Forgetting about how you're only
a few years older than me.
And how somehow in this world,
you are my step mom...
my dad's trophie wife.
2007-06-19 02:31:52 · 7 answers · asked by ? 3 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
That's brilliant poem, actually. It has a brilliant flow 'n a brilliant feel to it. I especially like the surprise at the end, when you tell who talking about. It raps up the poem very nicely.
I'd say this is 1 of your best yet. Mainly because you didn't go into the depths of hell or darkness to create this feel.
Brilliant work. It's good to see you coming back from your writer's block.
2007-06-19 05:14:08 · answer #1 · answered by Twili 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I really like the imagery, especially the metaphor of the Great wall of China as a calm barrier protecting you from your thoughts about the TROPHY wife. Are you a little bit jealous of her for taking your father away from you? You describe her as young and attractive. You're not in competition with her. She's his wife and you're his daughter. There are separate compartments for both of you in his heart.
2007-06-19 10:39:08 · answer #2 · answered by Elaine P...is for Poetry 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I like this, it flows really well and captures (to me) what many kids, teens and even adults go through when our parents meet someone else especially a younger someone we can damn near be sibblings with, I feel ya! Nice write....Be blessed...
2007-06-19 10:48:52 · answer #3 · answered by pamprdwitpassion 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It's very good but I would leave out the HOW in the line How I never want this to end, it would read better, otherwise great.
2007-06-19 10:22:44 · answer #4 · answered by Dr Paul D 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
it was nice....
hey go to my profile and IM me ok. for some reason i keep IM'ing you but you won't answer.
2007-06-19 09:44:08 · answer #5 · answered by Minty 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
it was beautiful, i really liked that. well u have my vote
2007-06-19 09:40:01 · answer #6 · answered by ashley K 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
not bad not bad at all !
2007-06-19 10:19:38 · answer #7 · answered by knu 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋