How does it feel to not live based on other people's opinions?

Question

My biggest problem is that I do not want to appear weird, foolish, ignorant, mean or out of place in front of anyone. I don't want to say the wrong things, but it seems that I always do. I always feel like I am being judged unfavorably by everyone around me. I don't try to talk to girls in public because of 1) what I think people around me will think if I get rejected and 2) that I will be rejected anyway. I hardly ever speak my mind unless I am asked directly or I am talking to someone that I trust really well. I am not a highschool student either, I ama

Some people just seem to carry themselves in a way that is accepted by the majority of people. Their opinions and values are at least respected by others. My opinions and values always change based on the situation I am in, because I am scared of looking foolish.

I have been battling this my whole life as I am a 32 year old Engineer.

How does it feel to be free from this daily torture and how can I join your way of living?

Answer 1

It feels great.
most folks won't agree with me, but that's their issue, not mine....

I use God's standards, strive to achieve them, and haven't worked for or with anyone who has had better goals for me.
There is confidence in knowing that there is one standard, and only one way to measure up. I trust Christ, not those around me, for my well being.

I am a 56 yr old top executive in a very demanding public company. I was also once a 16 yr old paranoid addict.
I make mistakes. I learn and move on. I work to the best of my abilities, base my opinions on truth, and listen far more than I talk. I don't care what others think, because they are all transient in the grand scheme of things. I do respect their opinions and constructive criticism. I need to earn their respect professionally, but that's it.

Realized a long time ago that hearses don't pull U-hauls and no one ever died wishing they had spent more time with the boss. "Friends" fade in and out of your life. My wife of 30 year loves me with a passion. And we are both crazy in love with God.

"There is therefore now no condemnation...."
A real esteem builder knowing your creator approves of you.
Who else's approval matters??

Answer 2

You need to stop letting your emotions control your life. Everyone on the planet has been rejected at one time or another it's not really that big a deal. Don't make a mountain out of a mole hill. Don't be afraid to let people know the real you. Life is to short to live in a bubble. Especially one that you created for yourself. You need to work on your confidence and self esteem. Your values or opinions would not change in a social situation unless you feel in some way that your opinion or what you believe is not as important as other peoples. What makes them better than you! You need to show the world the real you no holds barred. You'll be glad you did.

Answer 3

That's a good thing that your opinions and values change. Look, everybody lives based on others' opinions. That's what the ego is made up of - the others' opinions. To live without others' opinions means to be enlightened. So you're in no way different than anyone else. Those people that you described, their ego is simply more stable, and it doesn't get challenged that often. If you live a successful life, nobody will say anything to you even though you might be a really bad person, you might be mean, inconsiderate, you might be ugly, but no one will say anything to you because everyone wants to live a successful life like you. And you will never even realize that you were those things. You, on the other hand, always judge yourself, and your ego keeps changing. But like I said, you're no different than anyone else because it's the same ego. It doesn't matter what kind of ego you have, all that matters is if you have it or if you don't have it. So try to not live based on other people's opinions.

Answer 4

Man I wish we could hang out or talk because I would show you how to do that. You need to believe in what you are saying. I know you cant just turn that on but its time to learn. If you are not confident in what you say, no one else will ever take you seriously. Lots of people respect my opinions and think I am a no-it-all, but the truth of the matter is I know what I know and everything else is an opinion. Be secure in being wrong, its not the end of the world. It sounds like you may even be around people who might enjoy making you feel this way, that would be the first thing you would need to change. Good luck man, my email is available, hit me up if you need to.

Answer 5

Hello, you don't need to 'join' anyone’s way of living but simply become comfortable with your own. It appears from reading your question that you are focusing too much on what other people think about you and are worrying unnecessarily about yourself because of this!

The majority of people I find try to fit into the 'Norm' and do so instinctively because we all want some form of acceptance! We all want to know that we are doing it 'right' lol. However if you are behaving in a certain way to constantly fit in, then you have to ask yourself why you are so desperate to fit in to begin with? Is it that you are unsure of yourself? Or is it that you know yourself and don't like what you see?

Either way, I think that you are wanting to fit in because you have no confidence in your true self . I think you analyse yourself very deeply and critically also. This is not necessarily a bad thing to do as it can induce self awareness which is great, but in order for this self awareness to be of benefit to you as an individual, you also have to see the positives to your unique personality.

Generally someone who is fundamentally ignorant, mean and all the things you are afraid of appearing as towards others, does not worry about how others see them, so readily. A fundamentally bad person usually has no self awareness and even at times when some do; they tend not to care what others think about them!
I get the impression because you really want others to think of you as a normal, sensible, understanding and caring person that you are actually a fundamentally decent person in the first place and yet you just have no self confidence in your nature or perhaps no confidence in others understanding of you.

I think instead of trying to fit into the masses so to speak, you should spend some time building up your confidence and getting to know yourself and learning to accept who you are! Perhaps speak to your doctor and ask about counselling, this may seem extreme, but talking things over with someone who is both neutral and also equipped in understanding why some of us have these issues in life is very helpful I believe and would do you the world of good.

You need to firstly find out about your true nature and then learn to accept yourself as you are! Please remember though that no matter what, no one is perfect and before you can expect others to accept you for who you are, you must firstly learn to accept yourself!!
Ps: In my opinion there is no such thing as 'weird' par say when determining another’s personality, in order to define 'weird' someone would first need to define what is ‘normal’. The human mind is so complex and everyone is so uniquely different in the way they think and feel etc that to define what is normal is not really possible.
You are the way you are for a hundred and one different reasons; no one is ever going to be exactly like you or me etc. Learn to love yourself and others will come to love you also! Take care, good luck and try not to worry so much. x

Answer 6

The fear of rejection is normal but to live life based on that. You will be rejected and probably many times but pull yourself back up and go on. You say you are 32 but you don't sound like it, by now you should have had several rejections. life goes on.

Answer 7

I guess I have nothing to compare it to as I have never really been overly concerned about or aware of other people's opinions. I think you need to focus on who you are and how to live your life according to what is important to you. In one important way I am concerned about other people's opinion. I care about other people's feelings and I try to be kind and considerate. Of course sometimes I make mistakes. Then I apologize. If you live your life as a reflection from other people's eyes you will never know who you are.

Answer 8

Okay you are afraid people will not respect your opinions or your values if you voice your own? They don't have to agree, just respect, right?

Hmmm, would you want to hang out with people that don't give respect to others? Probably not. So.... why care? Just do what you want to do, voice your opinions and if other people cant bring to just respect it, even though not agreeing with it, stop seeing them, because they are not worth your presence!

Feel confident, you matter!

(It's easier said than done, I know, it took me a few years to slowly turn this into my daily practice of living MY life, and not living life to please others)

Answer 9

I live the way I want to live and if people don't like it they can kiss me where the sun don't shine!

I will never conform my way of living to anyone's standards or opinions.

You need to stop caring so much about what people think of you and stop being afraid of rejection. Oh well if you get rejected by one person (or one group of people). There are millions of other people out there that will befriend you, love you and accept you for YOU! I bet you are a wonderful person, hun.

Cheers and *hugs*

Answer 10

dude just start speaking your mind dont let people run you over stop beind worried about what other people think and everyone gets rejected at least once in their life but thats bc we are all human and we have to be able to express ourselves. i believe that no one is the same so no one should judge someone until they know the person personally. i was once that way but i opened up and started to careless what people think we have the freedom to express ourself so who cares what others think.