Why am I still upset?

Question

Yesterday was a rough day. My 6 month old was very fussy, and just wanted to be held all day. When my hubby got home, I told him I needed a break and would be back in while. He suggested that we all go out, so we packed up the car and went for a drive. 5 minutes into it, the baby got fussy and strted again. It was making me nuts, so I said let's just go home. I told my hubby that if I wanted to listen to him cry, I could do that at home. Needless to say, it turned into an argument, where my hubby said he was my son and how could I say something like that. He then fell asleep on the couch while I made dinner!! Maybe he would understand if he spent 7 hours entertaining a baby. Part of me is looking forward to going back to work. Now I've been awake since 6:30 doing it all over again, while my hubby sleeps cuz it's his day off. The longer he sleeps, the angrier I'm getting. I don't know why I am still upset about yesterday, today is a new day, and I'm sure it will be better. Any advice?

Answer 1

Okay, I went through EXACTLY what you're going through. I work part-time (my son is 1 yr.old), so I work 1-2 12 hour shifts a week. I'll go ahead and tell you, you need at least 1 day for "adult time", so your sanity will get better when you go back to work. My husband and I got into a huge argument because he was sleeping in til 8:30 or so when I was up @ 6:30 every morning. At that time our son was recovering from viral tonsillitis and also getting in molars and canines left and right (he's 1 yr old with 15 teeth!). Anyway, I blew up and he got mad, then I decided to sit him down and tell him calmly how I felt. Basically, that I do the same thing over and over everyday and it would be nice if he would give me a break everyday sometime after he gets off work. The most important thing to me was that he understood me. It took a little while, but he finally started understanding how hard it is. Even if the husband works he at least gets to take a 15 minute break to take a crap or whatever! Ya know what I mean, there are days that I don't have time to take a shower, I don't know how moms with more than 1 child do it. But, I will say it has gotten easier, because my son can entertain himself a little now. Just realize how blessed you are to have a baby, a house and a husband, even if he's useless sometimes!!!! lol. Some people would give anything to have that. Hope I helped and I hope things get easier for you.

Answer 2

I'm not sure why you're still feeling this way. But having all the responsibility for everything going on in the home is a hard thing for anyone to do. Then add in a fussy baby and it can seem overwhelming. My baby is now 18 and just graduated from high school. When she was fussy and I couldn't get her to calm down, I sometimes felt like a failure as a mother. After all, I, being her mother, and the one that loved her more than anyone else, ought to be able to soothe her. But I couldn't do it. It sounds like your husband is trying to be supportive, but he probably doesn't know how. After all he really can't feel your pain.
Maybe if you try being more specific about what you need him to do in the evening, he will be able to help. Explain that you know he had along day at work but that you just need some time to unwind and be amongst adults that don't demand all your time and energy. Have dinner ready and ask him to watch the baby for an hour. He would and should probably like that alone time with his child. Where he felt like he was actually contributing to his childs upbringing. Then go somewhere, the mall, the park, just take a walk. Go to macdonalds and have a cup of coffee. Something where there are adults that you can converse with . They also have in many places, support groups for new mothers. Where they get together for coffee or lunch and help each other cope with the day to day doldrums of child rearing. Perhaps if your lucky, you have some family around the area and they can help. Maybe watching the baby a couple times a week so you can at least go to the grocery store alone. You are not a bad mother because you feel this way. It's a hard thing to explain to husbands, family, and friends that haven't been there. Your husband probably wishes he could do what you're doing. So be patient with him and try to explain your problem. Good luck and God bless you for loving your child enough to ask for help.

Answer 3

I totally understand how you feel. I'm a new single mommy and her father doesn't understand why I am so tired all the time b/c according to him all I'm doing on maternity leave is staying home and sleeping all day with the baby. It is definitely not that easy to stay home and take care of a fussy baby all day. It can be really frustrating and a little boring. I think you have every right to be pissed off...you're tired and frustrated and your husband is napping. Things will get better, but you need to let your husband understand that you need some help, or at least a nap.

Answer 4

I can completely understand what you are saying. It was like reading my own question! The only difference is that I have 3 kids not just one. I am a SAHM, with a husbandd who acts the same way. I get up with the kids everyday between 6 and 6:30 regardless of the weekends. My husband will stay up until 2 am on his days off and sleep until 10 am. I get so mad that by the time he gets up I don't even want to look at him let alone talk to him. I will tell you if you do not sit and talk to him now it will never stop. Your baby is still young and your husban is still getting used to it, but he needs to be just as responsible as you, it is his child too, not just yours! If you continue to hold in your feelings you will grow to resent your husband and things will only get worse. Trust me, talk to him, tell him everything, and then go out and spend some time doing something you enjoy. Good luck......

Answer 5

Your not alone. A lot of families go though the same thing. The harder you work the more tired you get and no one notices. This is only part of the problem though. Your husband responded as an argument because he thought he had come up with a solution and when it didn't work, you got upset but he felt you were upset with him.

Tell him you love him and meet him at the door June Cleaver style when he gets home. He needs to feel everyone is happy to see him at home. Never start your first conversation with your spouse with a negative. (This sometimes happens without us realizing it). Soon he will figure ways to keep you happy too!

You may need to consult your physician about post-partum syndrome possibly. You love your child but are having trouble coping with the change of lifestyle. Don't let it get out of hand.

AND congratulations on your baby. . .

Answer 6

It is always rough when the children are babies and you dont get enough rest. I'm sorry your husband is not more help to you.
Do you have any relatives who could look after your baby for a couple of hours once or twice a week to give you a break or is there a nursery who would look aafter him sometimes?
My son screamed and cried for the first nine months and it was friends and a teenage babysitter that got my wife through it.
In a few months your baby will be that much older more active and start to express himself in other ways and life with him will be more enjoyable.

Answer 7

it sounds like you're resenting your husband because he isn't helping you. You need to explain to your husband that you love your child very much but you, like all people, have their limits and need a break. you need to explain to him that where he gets occasional breaks at work you don't because motherhood is a 24/7 job and god only knows at that stage there is always something needing to be done.

when my first child was born we had a compromise. If it was a work day then the night before I'd deal with the baby, that way he could have his rest to get up for work. When he returned home from work he took over taking care of the baby while I cooked dinner and had a much needed break. On the weekends he got up with the baby on Saturday and I got up with the baby on Sunday. That way we both got a day to sleep in.

talk to your husband and tell him how you feel. things would be much easier if there was a compromise and alittle help.

Answer 8

I know what thats like i have 2 children my hubby works and on the weekend he sleeps in and yes it does make you angry. But the trick i found with my boy was i take him for a nice walk with my daughter it feels so good.. I get to the point sometimes i wanna leave them with him and never come back.. but that just does not solve the problem. if you ever wanna chat about it sometimes just im me or email me...
Also if your baby cry just walk out side and do washing and let your baby cry does not hurt them...
But hang in there it is hard...Also tell your hubby to look after your baby for a while why you go have a nice bath.. and don't stress it make your baby stress..

Answer 9

You definitely need to speak to your husband about it. He is not the first or the last father. I remember those bleary-eyed colleagues at work who babysat while their wives took some rest (that included our CEO :)) Anyways, you are absolutely justified in feeling edgy and angry. That's how I feel too when my husband does the same. I feel some men need to be told what to do and gently too. I tell my husband very nicely how he is a pillar of strength, blah. blah... If he does not do it, accept it. Ask a friend to help. Leave the baby with the friend for sometime and get some rest. It would also help to put your favorite music on... or whatever it is that you like doing. Tomorrow will be a better day :)

Answer 10

I feel for you. I would say "let it go"...but I'd be a hypocrite. Believe me when I say I completely understand.

My feeling is that, bottom line, you feel no support. Sometimes it seems like we're all alone with our babies...no one else could understand, even if we tried to explain. I absolutely hate it when my daughter's father says the kind of thing to me that your husband said to you ("how can you say something like that"). It's as if he has NO clue whatsoever. None. It gets under my skin like nothing else. Seriously, I feel like I could punch him. Or tell him to go to h*ll. But, I do neither...there is no way he CAN know what it is like to be in my shoes. I'm the mommy :) It still bugs me though.

Listen...you have EVERY right to get a break. Whether your husband "gets" it or not. That is ALL THERE IS TO IT. You don't have to go on and on about how hard it is, etc....you might as well bang your head against the wall.

Get dressed/ready now. When he wakes up, tell him you're going out. If he makes a stink or asks why, tell him you need a break. That's it. And GO.