For those of you who are "part-time parents" out there...?

Question

Does it ever seem that the worst part is when they go back to the other parent's home? I have the best time with my kids and when they go back to the ex-wife it is really bad for awhile missing them so much.
What do you do to get through it?

Answer 1

The star is because you Dear Lt. Dan are a great father. How lucky your girls are. My father lived with us..and he was no father at all. Alcohol was his only love..he was a very abusive alcoholic. It was a life of hell. I never felt good enough!!! Then I got older and wanted out and away from the hell. You are a blessing..your girls will be wonderful happy young ladies! As for your feeling bad..it is another example of what a great father you are!!! I had my daughter..but when she would go away..the house felt empty..so I know that feeling. I kept busy..and I did things with friends..whatever to keep me busy..and I did have some time for myself..can you talk to them..every night? Is that ok with your ex..that would be good..they could tell you about their day..etc. and if possible can you get them for dinner..lunch..at other times besides just visitation? I hope so..your ex must be made aware that girls need a father..it is so important. It effects the way they handle relationships when they are adults. Not to mention they will not turn to the wrong man for self validation..I know I did that and wasted many years unhappy.
My best to you..again congrats on being a real father!!!!!!

Answer 2

I have two girls on living with their father attending a boarding school as a day pupil. The younger one is a full boarder at another boarding school.

It has been my experience that the more the last day I'm with them resembles an everyday-life day - most of our days are fun activities - the easier it is for me to land in everyday life again.

This August I have planned course going away three days and then some work requiring me to travel a bit. Also dinner with friends (no children).

Not sure if it is any help to you. But my life seem to be slightly segmented into with and without children. When the girls aren't here I mostly see people, that don't have children, or have grown children. It makes it easier to be separated from them. I really can't bear to be with people and their children immediately after they have left. So I book up on other activities, always enriching ones emotionally and intellectually. Not things where Im left to be able to ponder big questions during this phase Leaving the normal environment serves to not being bombarded with reminders of what I haven't got.

It has also been my experiences that embracing the new technologies, msn, txt, skype has helped. Don't know how old yours are, but as they grow older they want to be in touch in different ways.
Even though I have tried to tell myself that they are growing up wanting to do their stuff and they cannot live here until they are 25 it hasn't made it easier to accept that I miss them. When I have just gotten to know them again they change. Like sand between the fingers. The void when they leave I fill with i-have-some-new-found-liberties when they aren't here.

In the end i don't think it makes it less missing them, it just makes it more bearable and within a weeks time it becomes okish.

Answer 3

There are not many devoted fathers out there TJ. Mine didnt give a second thought about me until I was 25 and moving out of state. I never had my dad to tell him my fears or dreams. I never had the support or believed i can be someone or really advance in life. Alcohol is a terrible disease in my family. he may have always been "there" but he wasnt. today we have a loving relationship. but i never forget what it was like as a child. i feel so guilty that i cant get over it, but all i wanted was my daddy as a kid. this is why i have emotional and attachment issues today. why else would a 16 year old want an older man in her life?

counseling, meds doesnt matter.


You embrace these years and know your the best dad out there. Your angels are a reflection of you and how truly amazing you really are!

Answer 4

I haven't experienced this in my life, yet, but I can understand the love you have with your kids because I love my children deeply and would feel sad when they leave me for a few weeks to go live with their dad.

Even though your children are going back to their moms for a little bit, just rejoice knowing you can get them again during the summer, can email them, talk to them on the phone. i know it's not as good as having them right there with you.

so many people on here love, respect and adore you. You aren't alone for you have a good support group here for you.

(Have you thought of maybe getting full custody one day? Ya know, I think that would make you very happy to have those children with you all the time. It's not an impossibility ya know. I am sure that whomever you are with would not mind it at all)

Answer 5

I am sure this is very hard on you. My parents were divorced and I would go spend time with my dad occassionally. It is just as hard on the kids. Try to stay busy to keep your mind off missing them so much. Think about all good times you had while they visited and about the next upcomming visit. Start planning ahead. This will give you something to look forward to. Hugs!

Answer 6

I am a step-mom, and my husband hates it when his kids go home, however, we have 2 other children, so that helps. His xwife is a horrible person, and uses the children against him all the time. It's been 5 years, and you have to eventually get used to it, and make the absolute best of the time you do have with them. Can you get them any extra time out of the summer? Or go and take them to dinner in between your scheduled visits?? Good Luck, and I know it's hard because I see what it does to my husband when his little girls go home and he knows he won't see them for 2 weeks.

Answer 7

RIght now, my daughter lives with her father, as I married and moved to New Jersey right before her eighth grade term began. I wanted to let her finish up Junior high where she was.
Sending her back on Sunday night rips me apart, my Katie is my only daughter (my husband and I had triplets in November, all boys) She comes to me on Friday nights, and goes back Sunday afternoon. I don't let the pain show, she adores her father, the differences are between us. It takes my sainted husband a good hour to comfort me, every time. In September, she comes to live with us, as we got her into a fancy private high school, and everything turns around. She seems to get through it better. It kills her father, but, since he nearly killed me, no sympathy there.

Answer 8

I am not but to be honest it is nice to hear how you feel. I work with children and it seems that sometimes neither parent wants them that much and they just look forward to thier "free" time. It may not seem like much but I cheers to you for wanting to be with your children more. (especially since childhood is over in a flash and it's much harder to find time togetheras they get older)

Answer 9

For the first time in my life I KNOW exactly what you mean...I'm divorced and this is the first time that I've been away from my children for more than a day or so (they went to spend the summer with their father) and it is driving me crazy I miss them so much.....My heart goes out to you Lt. Dan.



I've cried so much that I could "single handed" solve the drought problem by now.

Answer 10

I miss my kid for the two nights every other week while the kid is over his father's. How I deal with it is do thing i CANT do when the kid is around, watch a horror movie or read and actually this yahoo answer thing keeps my mind of things and I remind myself he will be home soon...