i cannot seem to let go of my anger because relatives & other people dnt know how it feels lyk 2 loose a mom.?

Question

i lost my mom 2 years ago.it seems that ive been too affected on what other people are saying behind my back.ive become too sensitive and i would always end up enraged deep inside of how insensitive they get to talk about things that they dont understand...esp coming from relatives not just from other people and even if i explain it to people and relatives alike, they would just shrug their shoulders as if they didnt hurt me or my family by being gossip mongerers or simply prying on someone else's personal family matters. i have been reclusive and would not want to affiliate myself with family gatherings anymore.i feel being a hypocrite, smiling and being angry at the same time.id rather be true to my feelings. unfortunately,it has also affected my career.i need to overcome this feeling.mind you, who doesnt love their own mom, esp the respect from other people...cant they give it a break?! #$&#$&$%^

Answer 1

You are still in the grieving process I know, but there is a difference in grieving and dwelling. First you must realize you are not the only one who has feelings!!!!! You are not the first to loose a precious loved one. You are concentrating on the wrong things. It is an insult to your mother to dwell on anger and bad things. You must think of the happy times, remember her in a positive way. It will be much healthier for you and everyone around you. I'm not bashing you I just know that when you loose a loved one it is one of the hardest things. But life will go on. You can choose to become consumed in negativity which is what you have done or yo can keep her in your heart and be happy cause that is what she would want. 2 years is just a short amount of time to cope and move forward but you should be farther along than this. It will take a lifetime to completely heal but there has to be a norm.

Answer 2

When two parties are angry, both are at fault.

Your problem lies not with the other people who are not sensitive enough, but with you.
It lies with two things within you:
- you seem incapable of accepting that other people do not live to please you and do not spend every waking moment contemplating on how to make your life better.
- you wish to blame people for your own bad feelings, rather than face them yourself.

All of that is fully understandable. I feel very sorry for you. All people have to burry their parents, but it is never something we like to do and certainly not at such a young age.

However, you are trying to escape from your own bad feelings by blaming other people for their insensitiveness.
That is not a solution.
First of all because the other people will never change round to your point of view - more likely they will find you annoying!
And secondly because the problem does not lie with the other people and therefore can not be resolved there.

You will have to face yourself and your own grief.
That is much more painful than blaming other people, but it really is the only thing that will enable you to live on.

If you don't do that you will develop a hatred towards all people who don't understand you, and a tendency to blame all your problems on other people.
Since that will NEVER compell people to like you or help you,
that strategy might be less painfull in the short term, but will not bring you happiness.

Answer 3

~I'm so sorry that you lost your mom. I'm guessing that both sides of your family had a problem getting along? At any rate, it puts you in the middle, which is so wrong.
If I were you I would speak up and tell them what you think and how it makes you feel, then walk away. For instance, "It makes me feel bad when you talk about my mom, so please stop."
Loving your mother doesn't make you bad, everyone loves their mother. It sounds like they've lost sight of this. If they knew how you felt, maybe they would stop?
You aren't obligated to go to family functions. Don't pretend it doesn't hurt, she was YOUR mother. Feel free to email if you like.
Take care and good luck~

Answer 4

I'm sorry about your mom.:-( You are allo\wed to grieve!!! Losing your mom is a HUGE thing. Take your time. Everyone grieves differently. This is a big loss. It's OK to be pissed off. You are right, your family shouldn't be so disrespectful. Unfortunately you can't control them though - only yourself.

I would advise you to see a counselor. They can be a listening ear without and judgement.

Answer 5

Hi..sorry that you lost your mum. Maybe your rellies don't know how to talk about some things in front of you...they could be worried about upsetting you. Most people are better off if you talk about the person that has past or situations like that in front of you...but most of them don;t realsie that you would prefer that than them doing it in front of you. Tell them it ok to talk about your mum...but that sometimes they upset you with their comments. Maybe you should find a good counsellor to talk things through with...as I really don't know how I would cope without my mum and I am a mum myself....So find someone to talk to and get it all out.....good luck.