How can I make my wife understand that she is an alcoholic?

Question

I have tried talking to her about her drinking but she just gets abusive when I do. I thought for a while I had convinced her and she had stopped but yesterday I found a stash of vodka she has been secretly drinking. She doesn't think that she has a problem so what can I do to convince her?

Just thought I'd add...none of these thumbs down are from me and I appreciate all the answers. I'm in a bit of a situation with this and all opinions are valid to me. I willl probably be trying all the methods below before getting the point across. Leaving the seperating from her as a last resort but one that I will have to think about.

Answer 1

She is a drunk, there is no reasoning with her. She will have to come to that conclusion on her own. If you have kids, take them out of that situation. It's pretty common for people with alcohol addiction to be in denial...that's why they usually have to hit "rock bottom". Protect yourself and your kids.

Answer 2

My Wife Is An Alcoholic

Answer 3

You would be better phoning the nhs helpline for alcholics and there partners, 0800 917 82 82

There isn't realy anything that anyone here can say, if your wife is an alcoholic in denile, it can be very difficult to talk to her and / or do anything.

The only thing I can suggest, is that when she sober, say that you are worried about her and ask her to prove to you that she isn't addicted (this may seem easy to her as she doesn't think she is) ask her to stop drinking for a week.

She probably won't be able to, but that isn't the point, getting her to see and admit to the problem is half the battle.

*EDIT*

Do not just take the alcohole away from her (as some people have said) often this can lead to violence and won't solve anything! Neither will pussyfooting around getting her to "buy her own drinks" I do like the idea of videotaping her at her worst, but dont aggrovate the situation, domestic abuse is not somthing to be ignored (on her part not you).

Good luck

Answer 4

Greeney,

You're in a difficult position.

Your wife drinks vodka, because she thinks that it is the most odorless alcohol she can drink, so that she can hide her drinking.
I have a friend who fits your wife's description and it is heartbreaking to see how she is ruining her own life... and the lives of her family with her drinking.

Your wife will not change until she admits she has a problem.

You can seek help through AlAnon, the group for families of alcoholics. I personally do not like AA and AlAnon.... I can't stand the whining of a room full of victims. Let me explain.... I've attended AlAnon meetings and my experience was a whole lot of people who want to complain about how their lives are being ruined by the alcoholics in their lives, but no one is doing anything about it. Mutual support only goes so far.

If you really want to get help, insist that you and your wife go to marriage counseling. She won't change unless she wants to.

If, after you've tried everything you can think of to save your marriage... and she does nothing to help herself, think about separating to drive your point home.

Answer 5

i live with an ALcoholic partner but he admits that he has a problem it took some time for him to do that. we work on the understanding that he limits himself to eight can a day and no vodka it was hard for him at first because i used to find them hidden al over the place i did not get cross instead i used reverse psychology and put the bottle in front of him and said i think you have miss laid something and it has worked because he was so embarrassed that he had been caught out and i had not gone mad i just carried on as if nothing had happened it made him feel guilty..
i hope you can work through this problem as you sound like you really love your Wife best of luck and keep your chin up

Answer 6

Only she can come to terms with that herself. Denial is very strong and alcoholism is a powerful illness. You could be in for a long wait and whilst your waiting her behaviour/drinking/personaility will be getting worse, its a progressive disease. In the mean time look after you, Al Anon is a support group for the family and friends of alcoholics, there people there just like you hope are trying to cope with an alcoholic in their lives.

Email me if you like I am a recovering alcoholic, sober for 5 years with the help of AA.

Answer 7

Honestly, the best way are subtle planted seeds for her head. That is, place an AA Big Book (big book any edition which is filled with real stories that she is bound to relate to) somewhere that she normally sits, sleeps and reads (or bathroom). Just leave it there. She'll pick it up and glance at. But she will do this most likely while she is alone. The AA book (you can get from any AA meeting place or check here for the book and meeting places http://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org/?Media=PlayFlash. She knows it is a problem, but she simply is not ready to give it up yet. Not to sound pessimistic, but this can go on for years like this.
Secondly, you will need to tell her that you see it as a problem, and you do not want to live the rest of your lives this way. Tell her you are offering to support her now and asking that she help save your marriage. Be firm. But I caution you, be prepared because, she may chose the alcohol over you right now or for the next five years. So, the choice is yours as to how you want to live. I hope she chooses the sober way.

Answer 8

I think it's really good of you to be so concerned for your wife, you obviously love her very much and I'm sure this is hard for you.

Until your wife realises it herself you CANT do anything for her - you could ring AA and chat to them - they will help you and point you in the right direction. I think the idea of photographing or video-ing her is good - but be careful not to appear too confrontational when you show her - if your lovely wife does suffer with this illness she will probably need a drink when she sees the state she gets in, and the hurt shes caused you.

I wish you both the very best of luck - I think she's a lucky lady to have such a caring and supportive husband. Just please remember that this is an ILLNESS, not something she is doing just to annoy you.

xxxxx

Answer 9

Do you have any idea as to what she is drinking and when?
Is she drinking before she goes to work?
Is what she is drinking excessive from a medical point of view?
Do you have anything against drinking personally that would drive her to drink secretly.
How often have you tried to talk to her/reason with her?
Would she have any objections to seeing a relationship councillor, who may be able to refer her?
How much do you love her?
All need answering by both of you before you can progress.
Good luck

Answer 10

If your spouse says "I have fallen out of love with you" don't panic. It doesn't mean your marriage is over. It doesn't even mean they don't love you. How to get your spouse to love you again https://tr.im/NLfRg

What it does mean is that your spouse has lost their way, or doesn't understand the many stages love and a relationship goes through.

You are being called to take charge of the situation, guide your spouse towards understanding this process, and even begin to rekindle your relationship.

The key to success is in understanding what is happening in your marriage and the role that love plays. It's very easy for us to connect losing the feelings of being in love with actual loving when it is not really the case.

Answer 11

i lived with that for 10 years,she would cry and promise not to do it,her hiding places got better and better,it was the lies i couldnt take,i asked her to drink with me but she would say she didnt drink,on a few occasions she called the police,she was a very respectable well educated woman,so guess who the police believed,it was like she was having an affair with a bottle,i could write a book on what she did,all the lies and the heartache she caused me,i did my best to help her,you cant convince your wife because she is in denial,they say tough love is the best,you ask them to choose you or the bottle,my heart goes out to you,im out of that relationship now,it broke my heart and ruined my life,but im getting there slowly,i know this doesnt answer your question just to let you know you are not alone,good luck.ive noticed all the thumbs down,there are a lot of good answers on here,i think this ruins yahoos Q+A,what is the matter with some people.