I have been seeing a guy for 4 years in secret because of our age difference and my divorce isn't final yet!

Question

We first started seeing each other when he was 18, and I was 30. At first it was just sex, but then we fell in love. I was legally separated at the time from my husband. Due to many reasons, the divorce isn't final. It's a long story. My boyfriend and I are so in-love, but our love is forbidden. Not just because of the age difference, but because he is good friends with my stepson. My stepson is a year younger than my boyfriend. I am only 13 years older than my stepson because my ex is 12 years older than me. My stepson would only come around during the summer and on holidays. Throughout the years, I watched him and his friend (who is now my boyfriend) grow up. This is the taboo of our relationship - our neighbors are all older than me and their sons were close friends with my boyfriend. My concern is once the divorce is completely final and my boyfriend and I can date openly, all of our neighbors and my boyfriend's parents will think bad of me and of him. I'm worried we waisted 4 yrs

I am worried I waisted 4 years of his young life. He is 22 now and I am 34. We have tried to break-up throughout the 4 years we've been together, but we always seem to find each other again. We truly believe we are each other's soulmates. I just don't want to destroy our lives when the world finds out that we love each other and we want to build a life together. When I try to talk to my boyfriend about it, he changes the subject b/c he knows I'm right to have concerns. I'm scared that I am waisting my life away, even though when we're together I am very happy. He said that he will never let anything come between us. He loves me and will do anything to keep me. I believe this, but he's also very young and I worry that when it comes out, he will not live up to his word. Not b/c he doesn't want to be with me, but b/c of the pressure he may get from society and his family. What should I do? 4 yrs is a lot of time to just give up. We've been through so much and have managed to keep it quiet

In response to all the nasty remarks, I really don't appreciate it. We are 34 and 22 now, he's an adult not a child! He knows what he wants.I've given him many opportunities to leave. I've told him on several occassions that I love him, but that it's not going to work. He tells me he doesn't care who knows.Once the divorce is completely final, he doesn't care. Sex is not the bond between us. We love each other. We've gone weeks without seeing each other and we talk daily. Our love is very strong. Stronger than any of my past relationships. He loves me unconditionally. As far as looking younger. I look about 26 or 27. My grandmom died t 95 and she looked like she was in her 80's for sure! Looking younger doesn't concern me. We don't look far apart in age. I didn't date him before age 18,so it's not like we dated when he was a little boy. That is disgusting. My stepson and I were more like buds during his growing up b/c his dad was a drunk and never there for him. I love him as a friend.

Answer 1

Wow...You need help! An 18 year old boy just wants to fuc-. I mean, I dated this 32 year old woman when I was 19. We dated for like two years. No one knew really. Sex makes people who aren't supposed to be together bond. She got pregnant on purpose. I left her. Do this...stop having sex with the little boy for like 3 months and see if he can still be with you? How about that. If the little horndog can go without it for 3 months...I am talking handjobs too, then he might love you. Can you do it? See if you two can be friends. I doubt it. If you can just be friends then I would say go for it.

Answer 2

I can say, I think you have extremely poor judgment. You were still legally married ! And already you were in a mess at the age of 30. So you decided to have an affair with someones 18 year old son, for sex only????? What the heck do you think everyone is going to think about you now?

You clearly don't know what love is and are in need of help.

Your a selfish self centered personality that focuses on your desires at the cost of someone elses life. Now you've got him all involved in this mess. Ruining his life and creating emotional problems for him and your step son. It wasn't bad enough that you had already had another commitment that you had to sort through.

You need help and counseling for this problem. You obviously seduced him because he was taboo for self gratification. I'm more worried that he wasted 4 years with you.

You can hardly be trusted and who knows who the next poor soul will be that falls prey to you after you chew this one up and spit him out.

Both of you need counseling, for I can't see why he would care to take a chance on a woman your age that has proven infidelity.

Answer 3

I am 39 and my wife is 19. We have the best marriage that you could ever imagine. For the most part family and friends approve but every once in a while you have someone that makes a snide remark. They are usually miserable little people who have miserable little lives. I usually would not want their approval anyway.

I personally would not trade my marriage to her for one that all of the lowlifes in society approved of.

PS My son is only 2 years younger than her. They get along very well.

Answer 4

they're not ready to talk about engagements, you are being a good friend for pointing that out. this guy is clearly on the rebound from his ex-wife ... she should be careful or she will get hurt. on the other hand she's an adult and it's her life. so be respectful and don't be like "you are making a big mistake .. he's too old" etc ... but rather advise her to "take it slow" with this guy and not to rush into anything. the clock is ticking for him .. but that doesn't mean it's ticking for her. if he is not willing to slow down then she needs to move on. she sets the rules, remind her of that. just curious, but can you share with us how they originally met??

Answer 5

Tough choice, but once your divorce is final, you and your boyfriend need to move away. How far depends on your view of the social repercussions. If you stay, public opinion and persons still close to you may very well dim your love. Remember: RUN TO, NOT FROM. Best luck and wishes to you.

Answer 6

Im going out with a guy 7 years younger then me. You got to be prepared to make yourself look younger if you want to date a younger guy. then the others will not bother you anymore, coz till then, you will have enough self confidence. relax. And just concentrate on loving each other.

Answer 7

You waisted 4 years of his young life!!!but you still in time.up to you!

Answer 8

That's disgusting. Not that there's a big age difference. But that you watched him grow up. I wouldn't condone it.

Answer 9

you are still legaley married and now cheating no wonder he is divorcing you something called morals you dont have in my opion?