my wife and i have been married for 12 years...our whole marriage i have been in the marines...although its a hard life we get through it...our love is strong enough that it gets us through the minutes, days, months and years away from each other...i just got back from a deployment one of the longest i have had...i just got orders to report to japan for 6 months....although our love is strong...i haven't even been back for more then two months and i feel that even though we would make things work if i go to japan i feel it would be too hard....i know that i am the only one who can answer this question..but i need some support....i love being a marine..but i have missed every birth of my children except one...i have missed first words first steps...my wife graduating from college. i have missed enough...i have talked it over with my wife and she said 12 years in the military whats a few more...being in military or out life is still hard...
2007-06-18 18:45:03 · 14 answers · asked by adrik c 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
to be being with my family during the hard times is worth more then the military..but she has a point just a few more years and we are set for life thanks to the military....and its also more then that its like i have two loves my family which is number one and my work...these hard choices in life just never stop....but what would life be without them right?
2007-06-18 18:46:29 · update #1
my wife and i will never think about divorce..sometimes i think she is much stronger then i am...thats why this is so hard for me...like i said we have talk things through many time i found out about my orders last week...my heart wants to be in two places but that is not possible...i know, she and i have been together since we were 14 we got married as teens and had our sons(twins) as teens nothing will tear us apart...as a couple but all of this is tearing me apart as a person..thats why i say she is stronger she is my rock the rock of the family
2007-06-18 18:58:57 · update #2
my family can go with me if we live there for three years and im not even willing to do that to my family...my kids are starting the school year at new schools already due to grade change...oldest are starting high school....so i wouldn't want them to go through that change as well as a life change in another country as well being a teen is hard enough....
2007-06-18 19:01:08 · update #3
Being the child of a military father (he was in the navy for 27 years on submarines) I always knew who my father was and that he loved me. My mother never let a day go by without talking about him and when he called it was the most special time when we got to talk just he and I. My birth was the only one he was home for. (I have 2 older brothers) I would not trade that experience for the world. I was so proud of my father for being in the military and I always had the coolest stuff from all around the globe.
You are going through a rough patch right now and I know that it is frustrating for you to not be home. You are 1/2 way to your goal and you wouldn't let your kids quit halfway through something would you?Your wife is a strong woman and mother and is right in telling you to stay in. If you got out now and started over then when it would be time for you to retire from the marines, you would only be halfway to retirement in another job.
Military life is hard and it is also great. What other employer guarantees help for your spouse, all she has to do is pick up the phone and call anyone that is home in your unit and they will be there in a flash to help her. Be it a flat tire, home repair or whatever, what other employer on the planet has co-workers like that? You are a Marine, it is part of who you are and part of why your wife loves you so much. You can't take that part of you away and still be yourself. Please stop hating yourself for loving your job that takes you away from your family. Your family knows that you have to go and it seems like your wife misses you when you are gone but, understands that, that is who you are and you have no choice but to leave with the unit.
I urge you before you go to Japan to take a date night for just you and your wife (with an overnight stay in a hotel somewhere) and just be with each other.
Please remember that getting out will not give you back the time that you have missed with your wife and children. It is the QUALITY of time spent with your family, not the quantity that really matters. The hardest job in the Marines is being a Marines wife. You wife is stronger then you can ever imagine her to be. You guys will be fine, just take her out for a night on the town before you go to get you through your next deployment.
thank you for your service.
2007-06-18 19:12:40 · answer #1 · answered by hotelmajor 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know if I was the son of a career military man, and a decent man (as you clearly are), I would be so proud and would have no doubt that I was loved. I think your kids must know this and have known this all their lives.
Your spouse? None of us can speak for her, but I have to believe that since this has been the only life she's known with you as a adults, she's got to be pretty well adjusted to the routine and the fact that she's been with you all these years and you are still going strong is a testament to that fact. I think you have to believe her when she says "it's okay" for you to finish out your career to the end.
It sounds like the one that this is affecting the most is you. I'll give you my experience. I've lived my career life very differently than yours. I've moved from place to place, haven't had a chance to dedicate myself at one particular place for extended periods. I can tell you that I look at people that have longevity at one company (in this case the Marines) and see how much they have been able to accomplish. I envy those people. There's something to be said for staying and seeing it through to the end. It will benefit everyone in the family when you've got full retirement.
It's your choice of course, but there's only a few more years of comprimise your family is understanding and adjusted.
Yeah, it's a tough choice. I wish you the best. I thank you for your service and sacrifice!
2007-06-19 02:40:19 · answer #2 · answered by ∞ sky3000 ∞ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What is the price of Happiness? That is what you must decide. You kids will only be kids for a short while, as you know, once the opportunity has been lost, it is gone forever.
Yes, only a few years left; however, you can do those State side to work towards your twenty.
My hubby was in for 13 years active and did the rest state side in the Reserves. Took some courses, did his summer camp, and gained points towards his 20. He had 21 years accumulated during Dessert Storm and got out.
You are lucky that your wife is so supporting of you; but, clearly, ANY WOMAN WANTS THEIR MAN AT HOME WITH HER. SHE MAY BE LEAVING IT UP TO YOU OUT OF LOVE TO HAVE YOU DO WHAT YOU WANT THE MOST.
PERHAPS YOU WOULD LIKE TO LOVE HER BACK AND REWARD HER DEDICATION BY BEING THERE FOR HER EARLY, BE THERE FOR THE KIDS FORMATIVE YEARS. IT IS NOT TOO LATE. GOOD LUCK AND THANKS, FOR YOUR SERVICE FOR SO MANY YEARS.
YOU ARE TO BE COMMENDED FOR YOUR DEDICATION!
2007-06-19 02:03:08 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thanks for serving our country. It sounds like your wife loves you and even though being away is hard on your marriage, it is so worth it to hang in there for your family. You can make up for lost time every chance you get later. You both are very strong and committed. I hope you have a great, long happy life together.
2007-06-19 02:08:11 · answer #4 · answered by 123 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey your wife is okay with it she even said whats a few more years. You say you have a good time together when you are together. So if you can handle a few more years go for it . and keep doing what your doing to keep the lines open.
Good luck and hope you both have a long happy marriage when you get back.
2007-06-19 01:59:37 · answer #5 · answered by For ever in my Heart 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi,
Your right that is a hard dission!
U see, if u leave ur family u will be much sadder i can promise u but if u stay u will miss out on a lot! so it really depends!
I think that u should stay with ur family, as a divorce would make everyone much sadder!
Maybe u need to think about the future.. do u see ur future as a marine or with ur wife and kids?
All the best, hope u choose whts right 4 u!
Cheerios
2007-06-19 01:54:18 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Can your family go with you? It could be a great experience for the kids.
If you are really set for life after only a few more years, I guess you should stay, especially because you actually love your job. If you can't bear it anymore, missing birthdays and lives lived...then you must quit. This is your life, make sure you live it!
2007-06-19 01:58:08 · answer #7 · answered by hmmph 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound like a very respectable man. You didn't say how much longer you'd be in the Marines until retirement but if you think it won't tear your family apart I think you should stay in. You couldn't be there in the past but you can assure them of a future and that is very important in these uncertain times. I wish you luck.
2007-06-19 01:57:46 · answer #8 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My dad was in the military and he missed a lot. It did not really affect my life (or my siblings' lives) in a negative way. If your wife does not mind, stick it out a few more years.
2007-06-19 01:55:21 · answer #9 · answered by Patti C 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you're not cheating on each other/falling in love with other people or abusive to each other, you should try to make it work...yeah, what's a few more years-nothing...it will pass quickly. Of course it's hard-every marriage is...but if you have the key ingredients, you can make it....plus it sounds like she is standing by you-and has stood by you all of this time-you're going to just kick her to the curb and tell her that none of the twelve years were important to you? Best of luck to you...
2007-06-19 02:49:11 · answer #10 · answered by A L 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋