Help! I have fallen for someone and I live with my boyfriend!?

Question

Theres a guy on my course at uni who I seem to have fallen madly in love with. He likes the same things as I do and theres major sexual chemistry (on my part anyway). I live with my boyfriend who is not at all like this person! I dont know what to do. I have asked this guy out for a drink (as friends) and hes gonna call when he gets back to the UK. Im scared im gonna do something bad and not be able to help myself!!

Answer 1

Be very careful!
Are you sure you're madly in love with this guy or do you just want to break up with your boyfriend and are using some hot guy you've met as a catalyst for ending the relationship?
I only ask because of the times I've done the same thing- you're unhappy with your current situation but scared of ending it, you meet someone else, start seeing them and they put you under pressure to end your current relationship, which force syou into doing it... then you go through exactly the same process a few years later when you realise that the new guy isn't Mr Perfect either. Be wary of serial monogamy- running from one guy to the next without time to breathe. Be doubly wary of two-timing in denial (you know the kind where you tell yourself you're "just friends" even though it's obvious there's more to it)

I suggest what you do is try not to focus on this new guy. Instead think about your current relationship. Sort that out. Have a chat. If you really feel it's over, steel yourself, tell him, move out, find somewhere new to live.
Once you're single then maybe you can start to think about seeing this other guy. (you may find he mysteriously becomes less attractive once your boyfriend is out of the picture) - if he's worth your time he'll wait for you to sort things out with your current boyfriend. A relationship that starts with dishonesty and chetaing will usually be marred by that memory forever, so if you do really like this guy, you owe it to yourselves to start the relationship in an honest, uncomplicted and clean way to give it the bets chance of working,

Answer 2

Make a decision.

If you really like this guy then it says a lot about your boyfriend. If you want to be with this guy then whether or not it comes off, it signals the end of your current relationship.

The one thing you must NOT do is cheat. You havent said your bf has done anything wrong and it is just LOW anyway. if you need to be with someone else then do the decent thing and tell your bf it is over.

I appreciate that the living situation is complicated but that shouldnt be a reason for staying and it seems that your bf is innocent here so the hurt on his part should be limited as much as possible.

Answer 3

The sexual chemistry seems to be only on your side, how come you havent been out with him already. You seem to be with a nice reliable guy, but you cant really love him if your head can be turned by this other guy. If this is the case you should finish with your boyfriend and wait around to see if wit works out with this other guy.

Answer 4

before you do anything you need to make sure there is major sexual chemistry on his part too - not just yours! Probably its best if you just have friends not bf at the moment as you'll meet loads of new people and it will save alot of hurt in the long run.

Answer 5

you fancy this guy like mad, and you wouldn't have asked him out if you didnt on some level want to sleep with him. the problem now is that you're anticipating what it will feel like to be wracked with guilt when it happens. you already feel guilty about having the hots for him and its not disrupting your relationship too much, so subconsciously your convincing yourself that your not actually gonna have an affair with him. You probably will, and if it works out and you choose the other guy, just be honest and fair with your current guy. dont string him along because your afraid you'll hurt him! the second you asked the other guy out, you started the affair!

Answer 6

then you should not be putting yourself into a position wereby you might do something stupid!!!

you need to think about this seriously, do you still love your partner? do you think your relationship has grown cold, maybe it is time to move on.

my experience is that when i was 19-20 i lived with my boyfriend but after six months we starting having a few problems, and during this time i met a guy in work and fell for him, we got on really really well and had so much fun in work, one day i realised i needed to wise up so i broke it off with my boyfriend.

a few weeks later my friend found out i had split with him and asked me out, 3 years later we are planning our wedding. for me it worked out really well.

just be careful, but dont string your boyfriend along if you are feeling this way about someone else, you need to respect him and let him go. he deserves to be happy too.

Answer 7

Why don't you try to ask yourself why you're living with a boyfriend you don't want to be with? And if you do want to be with him, then respect him enough to address the issues. You need to sort out why you're looking outside your relationship for love.

Answer 8

If you like someone else better than your boyfriend then dump him and move out. I'd rather a girl dumped me then went off and had an affair. If you don't love your boyrfriend don't stay with him. Simple as that.

Answer 9

You already know that you want to have him and the chances are that you will but i think you should finish with your boyfriend first. Just think how you would feel if it was him lusting after someone then sleeping with them behind your back..

Answer 10

if you really think you love the other guy, tell ur bf. never play safe. i made that mistake of playing safe once and lost the one i truly love. just make sure it isnt infatuation and also make sure the guy really LIKES you and just doesnt want to sleep with you.