I kicked him out of house a yr ago because I found him talking to his girlfriend on a cell phone that she bought him. They both made a fool out of me (she used to be my friend). After 23 yrs how do you just quit loving your spouse and move on. People have told me if I had had someone on the side like he did none of this hurt would have happened. But I was devoted to him and kept our vows now he is never alone and seems happy even though he did not keep our vows and I am alone and miserable. How can I get over the hurt they have caused my family .
2007-06-18 14:59:39 · 15 answers · asked by jusayg 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Start by counting your lucky stars, you said you kicked him out which means you have some type of financial means to support yourself without him. There are many women stuck in bad abusive relationships. Many stayed at home and raised the kids never thinking there husbands would just up and leave without a care as to how there wives would support themsleves or kids. Start by doing some things that will make you a better person like lose some weight, start a business, get a college degree. Spend alot of time with friends and family for comfort and support. Remember just because he's with her doesnt mean he will live happily ever after. Statistic show they wont get married and if they do he'll do the same to her and end in another divorce. The hurt will be there for quite some time accept it and understand time will be your best friend when it comes to things like this. The committed devotion you have in your heart is a wonderful thing, so dont let a thing like this ruin that. Your husband will get his in the end but the awesome thing is you will too! So take heart, there is abundance and blessings waiting for! Count it all Joy!
2007-06-18 16:04:24 · answer #1 · answered by spirit2 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to hear about this.....I saw my mother go through the same thing 15 years ago and it was terrible!
Time will help you out..I know everyone says this but it's true.
There is a saying in my country: "There is no soup that does not eventually turn cold." (Roughly translated) It means that right now, your soup is hot, boiling...the anger, the rage, the hurt that you are feeling are terrible yet normal after what you have been through...BUT...sooner or later you will cool down and time will help you see things in a different light.
Perhaps you should consider counseling or therapy, so you can deal with your feelings and get to know yourself better...
Asking God to help you out is the best thing you can do, but not everyone goes on this path...My mom asked for help and got it. She went to therapy and joined a church support group , and they helped her overcome the death of the 30-year marriage.
She is now a vibrant grandmother, travels extensively, has a nice beau, and is a happy woman. (My dad married the skank, has a teenage son - who could be MY son- and is miserable and still feels guilty over what he did to us all. Karma is a *****, isn't it?
You have done nothing wrong. I am sure God knows you put a lot of effort into your relationship and that is what will give you peace of mind in the future. Keep your chin up!
Some doors close, and others open.....Who knows what He has in store for you? Trust Him and His love for you, and take it a day at a time.
You will be in my prayers.
2007-06-18 15:34:09 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I was married for 5 years. My husband suddenly decided he didn't love me anymore and left me with 2 kids and no money. I had to move out of our apartment into a cheaper one. I had my car taken away because I couldn't make the payment. I had a hard time getting my child support because he quit his 30 dollar an hour job. He told me that he started dating his fiance/girlfriend in Feb 02. I came to find out recently that he actually left me for her. He started dating her right before he decided to tell me that our marriage was over. That was right before Christmas one year. He also talked on the phone to her while we were married and living together. I know how it feels and trust me it takes a while to get over it. It isn't easy to let go especially after 23 years. You aren't a bad person for keeping your vows and not betraying them. He is. You should go get some advice from a therapist. You aren't crazy. But getting over something like this is hard. Mine was only 5 years. If it was 23 years I would probably feel the same way right now. I found a new man I am married for the 2nd and final time. I believe that there is the right one out there for everyone. It just takes some time to find. With family being there for you it helps. If you hate them then that's ok to feel that way. I hope what I said helps. Good luck.
2007-06-18 15:55:56 · answer #3 · answered by Mommyof2 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I know what you mean I came home from work one afternoon and found my husband of 30 years packed and moving in with his recovering alcoholic, druggie, homewrecker girlfriend (I'm not bitter) Ha! Ha! Back to story he had been having an affair with her for over a year I had no idea, was totally devastated. He was so good at hiding it that no one suspected anything, even the people he worked with. He was a very good actor. He was always where he was suppose to be, when he was suppose to be at least that is what I thought. I later found out he had been taking time off from work and meeting her and being home by the time I got off work. It has been 2 years and sometimes it seems like yesterday. The only thing that makes me smile about it is that the girlfriend has already left him, guess the grass wasn't as green on the other side as he thougtht or he wasn't much fun when she didnot have to sneek around behind his wife's back. She had already broken up 5 marriages before she decided she wanted my husband. After people found out they tried to talk to him about her but he thought she loved him and he would be all she needed, he found out the fun for her was seeing if she could break up long time marriages, the others had been long time also from what I have heard. There is no chance of a reconcillation even if he would admit his mistake which he will never do, he is a very stubborn man, the words I'm sorry are not in his vocabulary. The trust is gone, I could never trust him again, I would always wonder if he was cheating again, couldn't live like that. I hope he looks back and sees what he has lost, a wife that loved and trusted him completely, a son who respected him and now very seldom has anything to do with him, his family who have more to do with me than they do him, his reputation in our community etc. I wish people could just realize that when they cheat it not only affects them it affects and destroys alot of lives that will never be the same again. I have been told by a friend who has been through the same type thing that I will wake up one day and wonder why I grieved for the jerk for so long, hope she is right. Sometimes I feel like it is a dream and I am going to wake up and my life will be the way it was for 30 years, but it is never going to be.
Good luck to us both as we struggle to begin new lives.
2007-06-18 15:53:31 · answer #4 · answered by tannerlady 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have a great question but truly the best answer is "time". Time will heal all the hurts you have. I've been right where you are at.
You need to hold your head up and just know that you are the better person in this case.
I would say get out with friends and get active in the community. You don't have to date unless you want to. Just find a hobby or a job that you like and meet new and interesting people. You need to discover "yourself" and along the way you will feel really good about your decision to kick that jerk out.
2007-06-18 15:07:30 · answer #5 · answered by Clueless 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
seem over it........ toddler (start - puberty) Neonate (newborn) (0-30 days) toddler (toddler) (a million month-a million 3 hundred and sixty 5 days) toddler (a million-4) Play age (3 - 6 years) well-known college age (this is termed prepubescence) (4-12) common college age (this is termed center childhood) (4-8) Preadolescence (preteen, or previous due childhood. the youngster in this and the previous section are called schoolchild (schoolboy or schoolgirl), whilst nonetheless of well-known college age.) (10-12) childhood and puberty (12-20) Peripuberty (8[a million]-10[2] till 15[2]-17[3]) person (21-dying) Early adulthood (21-39) center adulthood (40-fifty 9) stronger person/Senior citizen (60+) dying (happens at distinctive a while, depending on person) Decomposition (breakdown of the physique after dying) additionally on occasion used are words that clarify one's age in numbers, jointly with: toddler (0-12) teen (13-19) Twentysomething (20-29) Thirtysomething (30-39) Fortysomething (40-40 9) (earlier additionally Quadragenarian, hardly used because of the fact that 1980) Quinquagenarian (50-fifty 9) Sexagenarian (60-sixty 9) Septuagenarian (70-seventy 9) Octogenarian (80-89) Nonagenarian (ninety-ninety 9) Centenarian (one hundred-109) Supercentenarian (a hundred and ten+)
2016-10-17 23:30:54 · answer #6 · answered by bruinius 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know this is a tough situation just to stop loving someone, but what for? You know he is not the same one you love anymore. It's never to late to do something new, enjoy your life and find a new challenge. I've never been married but I really do understand your feeling, it's time to move on with your life ...it might hurt at the beginning but you will get over it.
Maybe you can take a short vacation, hang out with friends or if you have children, spend time with them.
And the best way to get over it is don't hate anyone, don't blame anyone...the more you hate someone the more anger you have and you will never get rid of it. Be strong.
Good Luck.
2007-06-18 15:14:10 · answer #7 · answered by Natalie 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You are mourning WHAT YOU HAD, not much considering! Wake up and realize that the jealousy you feel that he has someone is misplaced. You should feel sorry for her. What makes her think that if he did it to you, that he won't do it to her. She is no better than you! THE ONLY PERSON A CHEATER LOVES IS HIMSELF! SHE WILL FIND THIS OUT IN TIME. YOU are only seeing them from the outside; however, you don't know the turmoil that may loom on the inside. I am sure she is catching heat and hearing your name a lot. 'My ex use to do it this way.'
Girl, get over him by wanting a life for yourself. Get self centered and hook that hair up, do those nails, match those clothes to look attractive, just to go to the store. YOU NEVER KNOW WHO IS LOOKING!
Be the best you that you can be, loving, caring, and giving to those that need you the most. Socialize by bowling, movies with new/old friends, get involved in a hobby, read a book in a hot bath~~~~JUST SPOIL YOURSELF! CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY AND IT WILL COME!
ONLY YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR AND YOUR KIDS HAPPINESS~~~NOW, GO IT GIRL!
*don't be surprised if he attempts to get back with you in the future**be beautifully prepared to laugh in his face!*
2007-06-18 18:22:27 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Been there, just did that. He left me after 25 years. I found a great support website at www.dailystrength.org
Theres a group for infidelity as well as divorce. You'll get through this. You'll be a different person a year from now. A better person. Hold your head high. You kept your promise. Good luck to you.
2007-06-18 15:05:50 · answer #9 · answered by wc2ketey 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
That is hard. You have spent your life with someone and now face being alone. That doesn't mean it is the end. You have your friends and family. Get a good lawyer. If you have been with him that long, you have sacrificed and contributed a lot and can receive a good settlement, maybe a house and alimony.
2007-06-18 15:05:50 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋