My wife is extremely lazy. Won't cook, unless she feels like it. I have to constantly tell her to do things or remind her that she needs to do this and that. She can never do things automatically. She does not know how to take care of a hardworking man. I work very hard, to pay all the bills, which is okay with me. But when a woman cannot pack U lunch for work or get her lazy *** up to make breakfast, that makes me want to work even more. She always, hangs out with her family [brothers, sisters and mom] and always puts them first, even before her own husband. I am so miserable with her performance as a wife in general. Finally, last but not least. She hates all the things, that I really enjoy out of life in general with my heart. I cannot even enjoy drinking a beer or two, I cannot go dancing, when I love to dance out once in a while. I always go [alone] to the movies, shopping, play pool, cookouts, etc. I can never enjoy my life in total happiness with this kind of woman.
2007-06-18 13:36:27 · 33 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
if she does not work and you support her financially just leav her.
i know that sometimes we stay in relationships in the hope that the person and things are going to change, but it's been 15 yrs. You did all you couldto try and make it work. Belive me she does not care how hard you work. Plus you said that you do everything alone (go to the movies,shopping,etc) that means that she does not wants to share things with you and won't support you emotionally.
Get your mind ready for the change. Prepare yourself for the worst, you will suffer but times cures everything. Get yourself a studio or small apartment if you can afford it and leave her the apt. you both share paid for one month until she finds a new place. that way you don't look bad in front of anybody (like her family), after all you guys have bee together for 15 yrs.
you didn't specify if u have kids together? because if that is the case u guys need to talk how to work that out
don't wait otherwise u wont do it
2007-06-18 14:00:35 · answer #1 · answered by misslatina 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Like everyone else asks, why did you marry her? I'm guessing this wasn't something that has happened durning day 1, or it didn't bother you durning day 1. Why have you been with her for 15 years if it bothered you? If you saw this durning day 1 why didn't you just get an annulment?
Does she work too? or is her job a house wife? What does she do on a daily basis? Do you have kids? I know that a lot of housewives feel like they are treated unfairly because husbands don't always see all of the work they do and feel that they are unappreciated.
You should both go to marriage counseling. Maybe your wife will see you point of view and maybe you will learn something about her as well. If marriage counseling doesn't work then get a divorce, but don't give up until you've tried conseling.
2007-06-18 14:35:33 · answer #2 · answered by misstsukino 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry but amongst the many aggrevations listed I couldn't help but notice 'performance as a wife'. Where did you purchase her?
And, you go alone everywhere you go? hmm.
It's her fault that she's lazy, granted. But, have you considered that maybe you're very hard on her and always have been?
You know, it is possible to break a woman's spirit with constant demands and expectations. Words damage but the tone of your voice and the look on your face does the same thing. Breaking a woman's spirit is a terrible thing to do, she will lose interest in living. By breaking her spirit I mean that she feels totally unaccepted and worthless and that is how she will carry herself.
Look into your wife's eyes and the expression on her face what do you see?
A wife is a mirror of her husband, not by her lying around doing nothing, I mean her countenance.
If you are willing, try this: 1. Ask her if you've hurt her feelings, if yes, then apologize. 2. Tell her how much and all the reasons that you love her. 3. Offer to do for her what you expect from her. 4. Continue steps 1 and 2, explain how you feel about the situation her family and how you want her to be with you when you go places.
If you didn't love her you wouldn't be looking for help.
I urge you to try what I have suggested, if you want respect from your wife, who I sure that you love very much, then show her that you love her ALWAYS, when you talk, look at her, sit with her, even when you argue with her, you can't change her actions but you can change yours and 90% of problems are fixed when one person chooses to change their behaviors.
Good luck and God Bless
2007-06-18 14:20:06 · answer #3 · answered by ahhgodzirra 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WOW!! Well the question is have you tried talking with her? (If yes and all else failed) Then I suggest you both try and get counseling(which I know will lead to the "you think I'm a bad wife" argument.) Truth is, you need to do what makes you happy. Try and make a pact, She does what you like and in return you do the same for her. That way you both will be spending time with each other, and doing the things you both enjoy. Try making her feel proud of herself, simple compliments, little gives, or even a trip to a salon or spa to boost that extra confidence. Try taking a small vacation trip, like say to the beach. IF you have kids, let them stay home, and you both re- light the fire you both have lost. It seems to me that you both have grown so used to each other, that nothing special is expected. That's why you should take the first step (seeing as though she is too lazy and pro ably has no clue) and do the UN-expected that makes the two of you happy. A nice dinner, candles, lingerie, champagne;be the true romantic. If that doesn't get her, I don't know what will!!
2007-06-18 13:49:00 · answer #4 · answered by ~*Demented_little_me*~ 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I'm going to take the other side on this one.....could you have thought that you were the problem? You make the statement that she does not know how to take care of a hardworking man and she won't get up off her lazy a** to make you breakfast and pack your lunch.....it could be that she may be so damn tired of you as it sounds like you are a control freak and that you may have turned her off early on in the marriage with complaining and finding fault with every move she makes. After a while a good woman can get damn tired of being bit**** at and shut down totally to a jerk like you!
2007-06-18 14:08:21 · answer #5 · answered by Clueless 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Abram's a great name...I gave my son the same!
I think the only reason you posted this is because you hold out hope that someone sees a glimmer of hope for your marriage. But who, if they believe your perspective to be a 100% accurate portrayal of the situation, could possibly see a good outcome for your situation? I think subconsciously you are aware that there are two sides to every story. If your wife was the one telling every one about how she doesn't prepare your dinner, etc., I'd be curious to hear her reasons.
I have 4 small kids (8,4,2,1..the littlest being extremely high maintenance) Sometimes my husband gets frustrated about the lack of dinner on the table and might think to himself that I've been lazy, but with a baby on my hip, a 2 year old clinging to my ankle, and little miss bossy in a nearby room...I may have a different perspective to share.
As far as what you can do about your happiness??...go out dancing with me!...My husband hates to dance...but I like to tear it up!...Just kidding...I wish I could offer some help, but I'm in a sucky situation myself. I just think it's important to not re-write history. As upset and unhappy as you may get in this marriage, always try to be fair and at least credit the person for doing what they have done.
2007-06-18 14:17:27 · answer #6 · answered by rememberyoursmile 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you ever sat her down and just talked about both of your feelings towards eachother? That is something you both need to do. And if she doesn't seem interested in talking things out that automatically tells you that she doesn't want to be in this marriage anymore. And maybe that is a good thing because you want to be with someone who is still in love with you and who wants to be married to you. It just sounds like she is in this marriage because you pay the bills and probably everything else she owns. So the sooner you can resolve this issue the sooner you can start dealing with the issues that will come with it. Whatever your decision may be. You said you guys have been together for 15 years and this has been happening right from the beginning? What made you stay with her and put up with her for so long? I mean yes I understand that you love her, but if she treats you like this she doesn't respect you and she might love you but you want to be with someone who is still "in love" with you.
2007-06-18 13:44:17 · answer #7 · answered by TJ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People get complacent. They get used to being taken care of and not much expected of them. You need to have a talk with her and tell her what you need from her. Maybe you need to be more than a paycheck to her. Find something you both have an interest in and do it. If you want to save your marriage, work at it and she must also. See a counselor togehter. Tell her your thoughts. IF she don't know it's broken, she can't fix it. She will probably work at fixing these things if she knows what bothers you. Maybe what is most important to you is not what's most important to the next guy. People aren't mind readers. You must communicate to make progress. If you leave her and just go to the next woman, you'll just repeat the same pattern because you aren't communicating what you need.
2007-06-18 13:58:04 · answer #8 · answered by Debra S 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the first answer that came to mind is LEAVE HER.
Not divorce right away but seperation might do you and her some good. She will realize what she lost and maybe come back and do it all. If not, then you saved yourself and move on. If there are kids involved then its better for them to see that you dont put up with that kind of woman now should they..or if they are girls then they might learn to be a better person with you having custody. Dont stay because of the kids or just because..why waste anymore of your life?! Good luck hin! now go grab that beer!
P.S. I see that you have said this question before several months ago..seems to me nothing has changed. Why not leave her already..sometimes the grass IS greener!
2007-06-18 13:43:45 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
unhappy since day 1? y in the hell did u marry her then? hoping that you'd b so good 2 her that she would eventually change??? sorry, it don't work that way. it's NEVER 2 late to cut ur ties and end this hopeless marriage NOW. u still sound like u have a lot 2 offer a woman, so get out there and make some woman (that will appreciate you) happy as hell!!! Good luck 2 u, sir
2007-06-18 13:42:53 · answer #10 · answered by baybeegrl5 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋