Moving, but there's a problem...?

Question

A couple months ago, my husband took a job out-of-state... Sure, I wanted to talk about it, but apparently, he though that was unnecessary. He started this new job the same week I started at the local vocational school (1-year course).

This separation isn't working, so we've decided I need to move... I think. I took last week off to look at housing, (credit sux, can't get a home loan, so it was all appartments), and worked on arrangements for me to transfer to a school in the new town.

Now, my husband is suggesting "creative" housing options....
1) Staying with a friend- the same place he's been staying. No, I've been the "gracious hostess"... not going to do that to someone else.
2) Get a monthly-rate motel room. WTF??!? I'm not some kind of transient who has to stay in a motel because we can't get a freaking apartment.
3) Motor home. Again w/the transient issue. I refuse to settle for a half-a$$d home.

**** (more details...)

I've tried being polite-- turn silent and give him "the look" when he brings up alternative housing... but since he returned to work, that doesn't really translate over the phone.

I've tried saying no, explain why those aren't acceptable options.

He seems to feel that substandard is good enough..... it's not.

Either we have an appartment, or I don't move. End of discussion, no compromise. I've told him very clearly what I want in a home, even in a house later.

But how do I tell him without him getting all defensive like I'm raining on his parade?

Please keep in mind, we've been married over 7 years and this will be address #11, not counting when we tried driving a truck together (Sept 11- got laid off...)

I'm tired of moving, I want some stability!!!!!

Honey- that's the point- I'm not willing to live in a hotel/motel. I want an appartment.... I want to have the same address for more than 12 months.

The question isn't where we live, it's how do I tell my husband that I'm not going to settle for less any more.

Please remember- the question is how do I communicate my expectations to him...

The question is NOT about what living arrangements to make.

Answer 1

Tell him that you both need to talk. Ask for a time, circumstance when you can do it, ie set an appointment. (This acts as a way to seek his agreement and remove excuses and interruptions).
Sit down and go over all of the positive things he/you are doing first. Going over positives sets the stage for non defensiveness and cooperation.
Next go over your concerns. Explain what is the issues from your point of view. Allow him to do the same without interruption.
Together brain storm ideas, again without being judgmental. Be open minded. After the brain storming, pick a solution and try it out for a while.
Assess its outcome after some time. If it is working, you have solved the issue. If it is not working, go back and pick another option from your brainstorming.

Wallah!

Answer 2

First, you have a couple of months already done at the school you are. Although things are tough, can you possibly stick it out until school is done. Therefore, you are moving with job skills to possibly land a job in your new town.
Secondly, what is the problem with the apartment (or renting a small house) until you can get situated and locate a job in your new town?
You will spend as much if not more on a extended stay hotel as you would renting an apartment. I agree that it gets old really quick living with other people...(don't do it if you can avoid it.)
However, I think you need to reweigh the pros and cons before you make a decision.

Answer 3

I would think since you are making the sacrifice to move, he can let you make the decision to live in an apartment. Plus, if his job is there, you will need permanent housing, I would think. At least based on what you've said.

Answer 4

i would say that u should do the 1st choice and find someone that's willing to take u or both of u in.