Am I too needy?

Question

I have been married for about a year now, but me and my husband have been together for 5 years. I love him, but I feel like I am very dependant in this relationship. I get upset when he is in a bad mood and I let it affect my mood when he is irritated. I always feel like its my fault when he is unhappy, although I know that I am a wonderful wife and mother to our 2 children.
He is often short with me when we are talking and some days I try so hard to strike up a conversation with him but its like talking to a brick wall.....However, some days are absolutely wonderful and I can see a glimse of the man that I fell in love with and I am filled with joy...We have dicussed his frequent mood changes and he says that he is happy, but some days he just doesn't feel like talking because he works hard all day....Another problem is that I started going to college 2 years ago and I am doing really well, he has NEVER told me he is proud of me and this upsets me. I want him to be happy for me....

Answer 1

You are not too needy. Just try to back off a little. No matter what mood he is in, try to always be positive & happy.

He cannot read your mind in regards to the school thing...You need to tell him how you feel.

Answer 2

Congrats on going back to college! I absolutely love going back to school!!! It could be that he feels neglected, which is why he finds it impossible to say he's proud of you. Sometimes you need to tell your man what you want out of your relationship, even though it would be great if he would just do it himself without being asked.

You're both working very hard. How old are your kids? We all go through these times in our marriage. A marriage takes constant reworking, and once the kids get a little bit older, it'll get easier, but it will always need to be worked on.

I know what you mean--when I was a stay-at-home wife, I felt like his moods were my moods. Going back to school began to gave me my own identity again.

You can start by asking him what is the one thing that he can see that would make him more happy in this relationship, and then do your best to give him that something he wants. I know it'll take a lot of effort on your part, but sometimes it pays off.

Answer 3

It doesn't seem that you're needy, but that you a wife/mother in a committed relationship! He may be jealous or aprehensive of you being in school & your future w/ him. I know how hard it is to talk to men, my husband is the same way, but I found a local marriage couselor that was fairly inexpensive & it helped both of us see the other's feelings & perspective. It worked wonderfully! I would recommend it to anyone, good realtionship or not!!
You may also want to be more independent with you feelings. I know it's easier said, but with practice you can not let him influence your feelings as much, when he's in a bad mood, walk away & do something else. Don't let him rule your mood, & be happy about what your doing. He'll come around, that also, may be his way of getting attention!! Use positive reinforcement!!
He may also be feeling tied down to work, wife, kids & with you being in school, may not feel as loved & appreciated as before. Try doing something nice & out of the blue for him. Can you bring him lunch at work? What about a backrub in the evening when the kids are asleep or other wifely duties(hint hint). Make him feel like king of his castle & he'll treat you like the queen!!

Answer 4

No, I don't think you're too needy. Expecting your husband to be verbally loving is NOT needy - that's a basic and something every woman should have. I grew up with a father who would let his bad work day effect his mood - we all paid the price b/c he'd point that bad mood at all of us by getting irritated over TINY things. people like that have issues and need help. it's not your fault.

Answer 5

mood swings may be a sign of a medical condition, and it could be his personality, on the days he does not feel like talking just leave him alone and go your way.... sometimes trying to talk could make him irritated but the thing with the colllege I too would be alittle mad you want and need the encouragement from your significant other its important thats what you are there for in a marriage.... talk to him about it and tell him how it makes him feel...

Answer 6

well i sometI'mes go through the same thing with my husband there are days when we can talk about anything and there are days when i cant even ask him a question because its like i stepped on his toes i get the same response i work all day and im tired i think we just have to take it in stride its part of their character i think its great that you have gone back to school with children at home it says alot about you and wish you the best in your future

Answer 7

It sounds like he might be depressed or bi polar. It is time to see a doctor.
He just might be like some men who just shut down when life gets stressful.
Some counselingmight be in orrder

Answer 8

Yes. Indeed he should meet your needs, but he doesnt. But you should meet those needs and in doing so, you will strengthn up to want to find a more compatatible relationship. Otherwise he will make your character more needy.