Do I have the right to be angry?

Question

There's this girl...I cared for her more than anyone and the last thing I wanted to do was hurt her emotionally, but we dated and when she broke up with me she wanted to be friends...I wanted to heal. She pushed it, and I was vulnerable so I relented and for 6 months I've been through hell! If during that time she could have just respected me and told me, "Matthew I know your hurting so I'll leave you alone till you heal." I would've been over her by now...But alas no! I had to stop our friendship cause it was out of control. She has accused me of lying, not forgiving critizism, hate, over-reacting, turning people against her, suspicion, the list goes on and on. And all I've ever done was care for her and be sensitive to her needs. Now I'm the bad guy... Oh well I'm very mad, that someone who's known me for four and a half years would accuse me of things that I have never done or commited, I guess she really doesn't know me very well like I thought she did.

I will never accuse her of anything, because I want the friendship in to resume later, when she and I are ready. Whats really sad is what her mom did to me. I love her family, but her mom thinks I wouldn't be good enough for her. She bumped me out and brought a guy in who she said was a blessing from God...And expected me to be ok with that. I care about her dad the most! Of the whole family he has been the most respectfull and caring and understanding person, he understands why I did what I did. He agrees that I got the raw end of the stick. He knows. And I miss him. The only one I want to see is her dad. I'm not a bad person, I love God and I work 35-42 hours a week. I love to work. I pay my bills and have goals that are becoming realities, I have the most caring and sensitive friends that have been there for me. I am on top of the world, and yet I feel like I have been wronged. I as a man have excepted my faults in my friendship with her. I've taken the beating, but I've had enough!

Answer 1

Just move on, tell her the truth of how you feel. She can accept it or not, but do not stay in contact with her, this is a no win situation.

~

Answer 2

Based on your description, of COURSE you have the right to be mad. She has been acting very selfishly, and maybe blindly if she still hasn't realized how she's hurt you. But, there may be another side to her story. Maybe she heard rumors from a friend she trusted, or something like that. If I were you, I would talk to her about it. I know, I know, that's probably the last thing you would ever want to do at this point, but I have found through my own experience that it's an important part to saving a rocky relationship. Even if the two of you never get back together, as friends or as a couple, it is important that you at least not hate each other anymore. Clear up any misunderstandings, and then let the relationship fade away or bloom as it will. You may discover things you wouldn't expect.

Answer 3

Is there anything at all that you could have done to make her feel this way? DId you tell your mutual friends that you wanted to take some time away and she wouldn't let you? That may have been enough to make her think the other things. You also need to remember that she's hurting right now, and when we are hurt we tend to blow things out of proportion and have messed up perceptions of what the truth is. Do you have the right to be angry? If you become angry the chances are multiplied that you'll make things worse. It's not worth your own emotional serenity to get angry over something you have absolutely no control over. You were friends before this situation arose, and if you want to be friends when it's over ...Just leave her alone and she'll come home wagging her tail behind her.

Answer 4

You have to know that even though she broke up with you, she has been through hell missing you also. This is why she could not just let go of talking to you even when you asked her too. Breakups are a hard adjustment for both people and she did not anticipate how lonely she would feel after leaving you. This does not make it okay to string you along the way she has. She does not respect you as a friend or she would have let you have the time you needed to recover. You should stop communicating with her until your feelings are not so tied up with her. After a long time if you feel you are both mature to handle a friendship, you can give it another shot.

Answer 5

I understand completely!

My situation is a little different though, My bestfriend for two years and I decide to become roomates, well its been six months and she hasnt paid rent but twice i pay all the bills i take her back and forth to work she doesnt clean, and then i never know who might be in the house when i wake up b/c she usually has different men staying the night with her-- so i asked her to please move out, she has accused ME of being selfish, and saying that I knew she didnt have anybody else she can turn to and making me look like the bad guy b/c she says she is going to have to go live in a homeless shelter b/c of me now!

Tell me do I have the right to be mad?

Answer 6

Hey Mathew, I am sorry for all you have gone through. I know it's tough. You know, women are very loving and caring but there are those who truly only care about themselves. It's all about their needs and F@#& the rest. One thing you should know is that many, not all of us, will not care about someone until that person is gone. I mean, and you can ask... the moment you kick them out of your life, all of a sudden they realize how much they "love you." But don't fall for this... the only thing they love is the attention they used to get from you. Again, not all women are like that, but it sounds like your girl is. The fact that you gave her all that she wanted simply opened the door to her bad behavior. It's not your fault, you just cared about her, but, unfortunately, she took advantage of it. Also, some of these women, LOVE drama. If there is no such thing in their lives, they are sure to create some bad situation. That's how they function. No matter how loving you are and how great her life can be, if there is no chaos, then she is unhappy. She just seems to be immature and spoiled (sorry if you think I am cruel).
It seems to me that you are in a "no-win" situation because if you stay with her, she will take advantage of you... and if you leave, she will make up lies about you. I don't know what you have gone through with her but I think you should walk away, at least for while. I honestly believe that her lies will never end specially if you leave her for good. She doesn't think that there is something wrong with her... She will blame you. I know it's hard to let someone you care about go. You will be hurt for a while but the feeling will go away. Some people are just not meant to be together and I believe you deserve better.
You have all the right to be upset with her but you should be mad at yourself too for allowing this to go through for as long as it has. Move on... she doesn't deserve you!

Answer 7

I am sorry that you were hurt during all of this, people say and do foolish things when they are ending relationships that aren't working. It is over for you now hopefully, maybe, after all of this you will realize she just wasn't the person you thought she was and you got out of it before she hurt you anymore than she did, she broke up with you, so don't let her reel you back in , you have tried that once. I think she was trying to make you feel bad so that she wouldn't feel so guilty for breaking up with you in the first place. Get over it and move on and find you someone better !! She is out there somewhere waiting for you !

Answer 8

Hello,
The things that she is accusing you of is her way of making herself feel better. WHY on earth would she put you through that....if she respected you at all she would of given you the space that you requested.
Just back off....if you two were meant to be friends (or more) then it will work itself out. BUT you can't have ANY type of relationship with anyone in your life if there isn't respect. You should demand it and not accept any less.

Good luck...I know it's hard right now but time will make it a little better. You owe it to yourself to get as far away from her as possible....to heal if nothing else.

PS I also agree that she is messing with your head.

Answer 9

You have the 'right' to be angry. I don't really know what you want answered here. This girl is trying to have her cake and eat it too - she knows you feel more for her than she does for you, and it gives her ego a nice boost having you around. Some girls are pretty callous like that.

I don't personally believe in platonic friendships anyway. One side usually has feelings at least, and in this case, it's you. Give it up. It's pretty impossible to go back from a relationship to just friends. I'm sure you have plenty of other friends. This is one you can do without.

Answer 10

I think yes, you have every right in the world to feel however you chose to feel. I know that doesn't help the hurt, but just know that she was in the wrong and don't ever play into her game because if you do, you'll be giving her exactly what she wants out of you. I really think it is just time for you to move on and move past the hell she's clearly put you through.
Wish you the best.
:Corbyn

Answer 11

Explain it to her pal. Then forgive and forget. If you still need space, tell her that, and just make everything cool between you two. Then take the space if you need it, get over her, and try to be friends again. I fear it's too late though. Nonetheless, don't be mad at her, and don't hold a grudge against her. If you don't like her as a person anymore because you think she's stupid, that's fine, but still treat her like a person and be kind, and don't hold a grudge against her.