I think my wife is cheating. I found text messages and have been lied to Do I have a right to worry or am i n

Question

My wife I have been married for 18yrs have to wonderful daughters. The wife works from home during the day and teaches school at nite. We recently been having some issues in our marriage (communiction type issues) and I am partly to blame for this. Then I stubble upon text messages on her phone that got me thinking. Messages that said meet at my house at a certian time. I miss you too can't wait till Monday ect. I conforted her about this and she swore there was nothing going on. So I thought I was just acting stupid . Then she told me she had to go into school early one day.Then on my way home for work that day I ran across her and asked her what she was doing she said she was shopping at this store but where i seen her she was no where around this store no where close. I don't know what to think I really help I'm just paranoid. What do you think

Answer 1

I've been through the same thing as have many other people. Cheaters always lie until confronted with proof. Why would they bother to tell the truth if they think they can get away with it? Maybe it is a thrill seeking thing. Who knows. All I know is, as awful as it may seem to start snooping...do it. Better to know now rather than later. What if he has some sort of S.T.D. and she's bringing it home to you?! I believe a good relationship is based on a foundation of mutual love and respect. Sounds like you aren't getting much of either. Betrayal is still betrayal whether sex is involved or not though, remember that. So sorry. Good luck.

(BTW- if it comes down to divorce, don't involve the kids. Too many people try to use their kids as leverage to get at each other and it will only make them bitter or put them in therapy when they get older.)

Answer 2

sigh. okay. the sh it has hit the fan. here are my thoughts on this. the wife has found the text and you have denied it. how did she 'find' it? i'm assuming she looked at your cell phone? that leads me to believe she already had an idea of what you are up to and now she's found proof, and is on FULL ALERT. you can deny deny deny but she will be watching your every move now and it's just a matter of time before she gets another clue. in the meantime you will be walking on thin ice and probably living in misery. so, might as well get it all out and over with, right? if your wife is dumb or insecure she might let it go. in that case you would be free to continue on, while being more discreet. put yourself in the wifes shoes for a moment. how would you feel if she was porking another and professing love? would you be 'okay' that your wife was having an affair? if you can honestly answer yes to this then you need to be in an open relationship. if the answer is no, you have some self searching to do, and i would call you a male chauvinist pig. good luck.

Answer 3

Hmmm. Almost anyone can think that their spouse is cheating but until you have solid proof, you can't really point blame at anyone. If you have an idea or know what problems are keeping you from being in a happy and fulfilled marriage than you need to let your spouse know of this. You have been with her for 18 years so it shouldn't be difficult to open up. You're marriage is on the line so you don't want anything else she might be thinking of doing to go any further. Let her know how you feel (not about the cheating) and explain that you are worried. Show some genuine concern and sincerity. She needs to understand what is at stake if in fact anything is really going on between her and someone else. In other words, you need to do everything in your power to convince her that with you is where she wants to be. It's time to step up and show her why she married you. Good Luck!!!

Answer 4

Well I'm afraid she might be cheating, just like JP said, "if you're not taking care of her needs, someone else is." Sorry to say but that might be the case. And you did say you are partly to blame for this. So there might be someone else that's providing the support you're not. I had the same problem with my husband. (communication problem I mean)
There were guys at work that would tell me I was Hot and that they likes my hair or cloths, perfume or little things like that and my husband never used to tell me that I was sexy to him or he would be realy dry with me like whatever I've got her, she's my wife now and she's not going anywhere. I felt like S**T. So I did tell him what he was doing to me and that one day if he would continue to ignore me, he and his actions would lean me to cheat on him. This might sound crul to some people that that's why women cheat, cuz our men aren't attentive and they feel like they own us. Therefore not being passionate, careful, romantic amongst otherthings. and then there are just the plain "hoes". I suggest you watch her carfully and see if this behaviour is consistent. Be attentive, give her a flower, be there for her, Love her and show her you do, but also ekp any eye out, If you do all of this and she's still seeking something out there than you did the best you could and you won't take the humiliation. Be sure that she is chating though. and have reliable proof.
Good Luck! Keep us posted!

Answer 5

I think we all have a gut instinct for a reason and yours is telling you that your wife is cheating. I think you have a right to be worried. You're not acting paranoid. If I was in this situation, I wouldn't leave the evidence to text messages. I would do a little following, research, snooping...I know that sounds bad but I wouldn't want to accuse someone without more substantial proof. Proof that they can't deny.

Answer 6

I was married for 26 years and caught mine cheating via texts. Thats how I ended up here. Got some good advice here. You dont have to forgive and forget unless you really want to. Rebuilding trust is slow.The BEST advice I got and will share: Get your fuzzy butt down to the health department. A cheating spouse will bring home more than the clap these days. Im sorry you are going through this. It WILL get better.

Answer 7

The text messages seem to be proof enough to me,now she is going to be more careful. She is never going to admit it to you because she has too much to loose,follow her one day and take pictures if u find out she is cheating confront her but don't tell her about the pictures until later,in the event that she decides to try and divorce you use the pictures as leverage to avoid paying alimony and get custody of the kids,but no man u r not paranoid it seems to me that she is cheatng on u pretty hard

Answer 8

I think you have some reasons to be concerned. Be careful if you seek the truth for it may cause you pain. Check your cell phone bill for numbers. You can also monitor the mileage on the car. What will you do if you do find out that she is unfaithful? Can the relationship be saved? Only the two of you can answer these questions.

Answer 9

get a voice activated tape recorder and stick it under her car seat.you car.Heres a link to one for only $34.99.Also get a keystroke program for your homes computer or her laptop if she uses one.She's cheating on you and no matter how sour your marriage is right now,this is not going to improve anything! something tells me you bring in the majority of the cash in the house? Why should she leave when she can have her cake and eat it.
Good luck buddy.I hope for the best for you.
Honest guy that page you linked was great.thanks for it.I'll keep it in mind if I ever feel I need it.

Tzohar your response was totaly absurd!

Answer 10

I think that your wife is playing games with you. I don't think there's another man involved here. It sounds like she's trying to make you jealous by leading you to believe something is up. (no pun intended) If I were you, I would seek some marital counseling. Ask her if she is willing to see a counselor. It sounds like she trying to get your attention. Maybe she thinks you don't love her anymore, or find her attractive. There's a game going on here and I would talk to her with it in a gentle, and loving and open style- but, not in a confronting style.