Anyone suffered waters breaking at 17 wks & having to go through miscarriage?Need advice please?

Question

My friend is currently in hospital waiting for labour to start knowing her baby is about to die after her waters broke last night. She's been trying to TTC for 2 years & suffered 4 m/c in 2 years - one at 5 mths.

If you've experienced a similar, terrible loss, how did you want your friends to behave around you? I want to make sure I don't do the wrong thing.

I feel so bad for her and just want to know how best to help her through it as she doesn't want to TTC anymore.

Do you know, IPRAY, if I don't get another answer then yours will be enough. Thanks for your beautiful, inspiring words and hope story at the end. And I hope you get through your own troubles : ) thanks

thanks for such great advice & prayers, girls - it's such a help honestly it is. I cried reading your stories.

Answer 1

I was about 2 months pregnant, and went for an routine ultrasound to find out that they could not see the fetus properly and later to find out that i was going to miscarry, and there was nothing i could do about it, I was very angry and upset mostly at myself for thinking it was something I had done, but soon came to the realization that it wasnt because i had 2 children already and i did everything the same. It was very hard at first, and i layed in bed all day and all night and cried my eyes out, when friends and family came to visit me, i would just roll away from them because i didnt want to face anyone. But it was great knowing that they were there for me, even though they too didnt know what to say, just them being there and not saying anything meant all the world to me. Its hard to say anything in a situation like that, just be there, ask her if there is something you can do for her, (look after other children if she has any, get her something to eat, run errands etc...) You can also just sit calmy and quietly with her. I do know one thing that really irritated me during mine, is when someone would say i understand, or it wasnt meant to be, even though i know now they were just trying to help that really made me angry because no unless you have been through one then you dont understand how i feel. Its a horrible feeling to know that your child is going to die and you can not do one damn thing about it. I would just be there for her, and console her.

Answer 2

I am a cancer patient with LOTS of hospital and death experience. You can NEVER do the wrong thing so put that out of your mind. The fact that you CARE is all she needs from you. Let her show you what she needs...it may be just for you to hold her hand, or to know you are there and care, or to hold her when she cries and let her know it's okay to cry by joining her. What a great friend she has....now GO!

PS If this keeps happening...I worked in a Dr's office for yrs and saw this happen over and over to a girl...it was heartbreaking....she got pregnant again later and had her cervix surgically sewn shut til she went into labor with a FULL TERM baby. Her cervix had been too weak and she would start to dilate and go into labor when she got about 12-18 weeks due to the weight of the baby. Don't tell her now...but soon. This may be her problem.

Answer 3

Thats tough considering you barely made it to the doctor and you were 6 cm before. But then my mother went through the same thing. She was only in labor for a total of 3 hours with my older sister and thats with the 45 minute drive to the hospital. Then she had me, she was in labor with me for 17 hours. If the doctor is trying to give you a c-section if your in labor for "too long" and no other reason, you dont have to. You can say no. If I were you, given with your previous pregnancy and how quick it was, and the doctor is concerned about it (he knows more then we all do of course) and you trust his judgement, then I say go for him breaking your water. That way you are in the hospital already and dont ahve to worry about making it on time. Also if you do feel contractions this time, then there's really nothing you can do about the pain, you can either take the pain or take the epidural. EDIT: Whoever said get the drip, I just want to tell you to try to avoid that at all costs. I got the pitocin drip and it made my labor stronger and harder. Just let him break your water first and if nothing is happening then ask for the drip.

Answer 4

I knew someone that went through the same experience as your friend. She actually had a vaginal exam at 17 weeks and the doctor 'accidently' broke her waters. She was life flighted to a higher level of care facility where they were able to give her an amniotomy (keeping fluid inside) for 4 additional weeks. But at 21 weeks the baby made up its mind and was time to deliver! Unfortunatly the baby did not make it as the odds are against your friends as well!

I'm sorry, I can only tell you I knew someone that has gone through a similar experience. I wish I had some advice for you...though I can tell you to hop down on your knees and pray for your friend! She's going to need your support!

Answer 5

I can tell you that there is almost nothing you can do. A broken heart takes a long time to heal. Just be there for her and listen when she needs to talk.

I took me 12 years to have one healthy pregnancy. Then I had 2 adoptions fall through before getting a fabulous baby boy.
The pain for either a miscarriage or a lost adoption is the same when your heart wants a baby. It is quite similar to losing a parent in death.

God bless your friend and I will pray for a healthy baby for her.

Answer 6

Tell her you are there for her no matter what she needs. You don't want to overdo it or dissappear on her either but just be sure she knows you're there to listen and to comfort her. Maybe you could help her out around the house. If she has baby things out at her home you could go there while she's in the hospital to put them away so she doens't have to come home to reminders of what she's lost.
I am very sorry for her loss.