My husband wants to move to closer to his children, understandable right? Only this move will mean that I will be 2 1/2 hours away from my children. When we married he relocated to where I live and he has been the one with the 2 1/2 hour distance between he and his children. This was only six months ago and now he wants us to move. I am feeling sick to my stomach over the whole situation. I share custody with my ex-husband of my two children, but they would stay with him if I move due to the school situation. He has physical custody of my children, but I see them as much as possible. The distance would significantly alter my abilty to see my children as often as I do now. I am almost ready to tell him to move if he wants but I am staying put!!!!
2007-06-18 10:57:03 · 12 answers · asked by ? 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Just to be clear before we married I stressed to him that I thought he would regret moving away from his children to be with me. His children are older than mine and he said it would all work out! Now he changes his mind and I am expected to up and move.
2007-06-18 11:12:59 · update #1
I guess he changed his mind. If you are willing to get a divorce of separation based on this, so be it.
2007-06-18 11:03:14 · answer #1 · answered by Sir Richard 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow! There is no real solution to this one. It might work if in fact you moved to a central location that would make it the same distance from both sets of children. What makes it difficult for you is that you don't have physical custody. At one point in my life I didn't have physical custody of my kids and all I could really do was call them as much as possible and make arrangements in advance to ensure they could spend as much time with me. You could work it that way but depending on the state you live in, you might end up paying more child support, if in fact you already pay now, because it will lessen the amount of time you spend with the children. The same goes for your husband as well. I wouldn't be good for either one of you to move. How can you as a couple be a good foundation for the children if you are apart? Stick it out. Try and compromise and as long as the two of you continue to talk about it, you will find an answer that will benefit the both of you as well as the children. Good Luck!!!
2007-06-18 11:08:53 · answer #2 · answered by !~!~Edward~!~! 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You really should have discussed this before getting married! It would be ideal to move so you're each equal distance from your children, but that makes things harder for both of you. Compromise doesn't always mean going exactly halfway, more often than not, it means that one person gets their way one time and ideally the other gets theirs the next time. It's a give and take because you love your husband or wife and you want them to be happy. However in this situation, if he is definitely going to move and you are definitely going to stay, no it won't work out.
Good for you for sticking by your children, they are the most important thing. I give him credit for trying to make it work living with you and away from his kids, but some things aren't meant to be.
2007-06-18 11:07:19 · answer #3 · answered by graybear 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's a tough situation - I'm sorry you're having to deal with that. But this could be the first of MANY times in your marriage when you just have to TALK about it and compromise. There has to be some kind of compromise - I mean, could you move half-way in between so you BOTH have a little bit of a drive? I know that sounds crazy. But the important thing is for the 2 of you to stay together. Living apart would definitely mark the beginning of the end for your marriage, I'm afraid. It sounds like each of you are just going to have to ACCEPT the fact that you're not going to have tons of time with your kids as much as you'd like.
2007-06-18 11:03:01 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not fair. This decision was already made prior to marriage, so it's unfair for him to expect you to uproot yourself now. So what happens when when one of your ex's decides to move. Does that mean you'll move again? What kind of jobs do you people have that you can just pick up and move? I think you and he need to sit down and figure out a fair plan for both of you. Maybe you can move mid way or something.
2007-06-18 11:24:23 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Personally - I'd do the last sentence - but that's me... Depending on the children's ages. Are his old enough to make the trip? The only alternative I can think of is you find somewhere in between both places..... Good luck .
2007-06-18 11:01:33 · answer #6 · answered by jessie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Compromise and move an hour and 15 minutes away that way you'll both be an hour and 15 minutes away from your children.
2007-06-18 11:01:24 · answer #7 · answered by coley0204 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This is a problem. You need a third party here, some counseling. He understandably wants to be as close to his children as you are to yours, but he should have thought about this first. Yes, it can survive, but he needs a serious reality and life check ... be gentle, but firm. Do Not sacrifice your children, you will always regret it.
2007-06-18 11:00:45 · answer #8 · answered by John B 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'd say obviously not since you two lame brains went out and got married without discussing and settling a primary issue like this before hand !
What else is looming out there the two of you failed to think about before jumping in ?
Thanks for adding to the divorce rate...if first you don't succeed !!!
Do the world a favor - - DON'T BREED !!
2007-06-18 11:02:03 · answer #9 · answered by Mr 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Stand your ground and do what is best for you. If he needed a little help would be diffrent but if you stated this early on stick to it. Offer some weekends to go get them or take them back but stay close to your kids.
2007-06-18 11:44:54 · answer #10 · answered by ronnny 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Y dont you move somewhere exactly in between the kids? then your both in the same situation
2007-06-18 11:01:43 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋