Should you be happy for them? The marriage ended on good terms, and your bestfriend is like your sister. Is this against "friend code", or should you be ok with it? Help!!
2007-06-18 10:35:59 · 23 answers · asked by wicked 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I would NOT be Ok with it...
I applaud you trying to be though.
2007-06-18 10:38:53 · answer #1 · answered by Kier22_2 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ouch, first of all, it happens many times. Our friends are often mirrors of us with a new twist or compliment. So him falling for your friend is safe, new and comfortable. It may also be a way of him saying to you non verbally "Look, I am an ok guy, Judy here is your friend and she thinks so"
I know it hurts on some level even if it is over there is still that old law (written down somewhere in lipstick) that you never ever neverever mess with a friends man no matter where they are in the relationship.
Women do it all the time. I mean Jerry Springer has made a career off that type of betrayal.
Here are my gentle suggestions of things to consider.
First think about if there was betrayal here? Confidences or history?
If not, then decide how important is the friendship. Can you really be a part of her life the same way when the man she is bragging or complaining about shared your life in such a deep way.
You may find that you can't. At that time you may decide to move to a couples friendship and you see you friend and ex as couple and create a new relationship. (That may be easier if you have someone new)
I think it is OK not to be OK with it, but they have already fallen in love, so now you have to decide how you will restructure or redefine your friendship, if at all.
Good Luck!
2007-06-18 10:45:46 · answer #2 · answered by donny_mollysmom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't understand how a marraige could end on "good terms". With the only reasons justifying a divorce being; infidelity and physical and or severe emotional abuse it just doesn't make sense that a marraige could end on good terms. If it ended for any other reason, than there must've been a great misunderstanding of what marraige meant to begin with. Perhaps this is why you are so reluctant to completely let go of your ex husband. In god's eyes, your'e still married to him. Just because the court says that you're not, and removed yourselves from financial liability of each other doesn't mean that "the spiritual union" of marraige was severed. You should talk to your ex husband.
2007-06-18 10:42:35 · answer #3 · answered by Jason S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So against friend code. My girlfriends and I know not to ever date or see anyone who the other person has dated or slept with even if it was a one time deal. That's just wrong and in these circumstances that's beyond the friend code. I wouldn't be happy hell how can either one of them be happy. Makes me wonder did they have anything going on while you guys where married and think it's okay to go public with it assuming that you are over your relationship with your ex husband.
2007-06-18 10:40:53 · answer #4 · answered by mrsknowitall 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would probably watch the movie Camelot a few times and be glad that I only have my emotions to rule and not a whole kingdom.
I don't think I could spend time with the happy couple and not lament my personal loss, but I could seperate myself from my beloveds and wish them well.
It's cool that you are not doing the whole 'get even' thing. I'm not big on paybacks when someone is loving exactly the person I couldn't stop myself from loving.
And whoever said it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all... well, you know.
Blessings~
2007-06-19 16:42:49 · answer #5 · answered by Jenny 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i understand that your in a hard spot right now but i think what your bestfriend done was wrong and cold hearted, even tho yous ended it on good grounds doesnt mean that she can go and have him. If your not happy with this talk to her, tell her how you feel. If she was a good friend she would of never done this.
Good Luck
2007-06-18 10:41:18 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe FIRMLY in the "friend code" that you're talking about....and your friend totally went over the line. So sorry for you...that really sucks. I know that you can't control who you fall in love with, technically, but that's too much. When did you and your ex divorce?
I think I would be cordial to them when you have to see them, but honestly, I don't think I could be friends with the friend anymore. She doesn't seem like someone who would care how you really feel.
2007-06-18 10:40:42 · answer #7 · answered by chloe1995 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are REALLY ok with it,then be happy for them and keep your friendship.Good friends are impossible to find,if you have one,keep her.If other people put in their two cents and try to make you feel bad for being happy for them,Just ignore their comments and questions,literally,change the subject.They will soon get the picture and stop talking about it.Good luck to you all.
2007-06-18 10:47:37 · answer #8 · answered by little loved one 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well u should b happy for them..u know she is a good person so if any children are involved u dont have to worry about them bein mistreated...plus ur not the one that has to live with the ex...as long as its not u with him then i would b happy whoever the ex husband lands with..
2007-06-18 10:43:34 · answer #9 · answered by lil country gal 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The "friend code" says a friend should speak to you before dating any of your exes or someone you may also be interested in. If you are kewl with it, then it's all good.
If you and he split on good terms, and she and he really dig one another, why would you have issue with it?
2007-06-18 10:39:19 · answer #10 · answered by . 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How do you feel about it? There is no "should" when it comes to feelings. If you feel good about it, then you ARE ok with it. If you do not, get a new best friend.
Feeling as I do about my friends and my exes, I would be enraged. But it just depends on how you yourself truly feel. Go strictly by that, and trust it.
2007-06-18 10:50:52 · answer #11 · answered by lornamoravec 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋