A lot of times i don't feel comfortable around men, i wonder why?

Question

After being single for almost 2 years i would like to start dating again to find a partner, but i'm rather shy around men when it comes to dating. I'm 28 and i think these days lots of people think it's weird to be shy around members of the other sex. What can i do about this? Is this a turn off?

Answer 1

Lack of confidence. You need to be around men more often. Aren't there any men where you work? Start with people where you work or go to university. Talk to people. Make a point of having a coffee with somebody.

Step number one is to get used to being around men. That will make you comfortable. Do this in an ordinary "every-day" situation, and not at the "bar scene."

If you have time in the evenings, take a course, go to lectures, go to symphony concerts, take dance lessons. Go to Nijmegen to take Argentine tango lessons at El Corte. I have had lessons with Eric Jørissen of El Corte, and he is an excellent dance teacher. If he is not available, there are other instructors.

If that does not appeal to you, take a martial arts course like judo, jui-jitsu, karate, kendo, or tai chi ch'uan. There are a lot of guys taking those courses, and they are all nice people. They enjoy having women in martial arts classes.

We are trying to get you into what was called in the movie "Top Gun" a target-rich environment. The huntress needs to go where she can make most economical use of her time. That is to say, identify where the guys go and you go there too.

If it seems like a large task, get used to it gradually. Lao-tzu said: "A journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step." Do it gradually, and you will become habituated to it. You just need to have guys all around you so that you can be used to them.

Answer 2

Well, personally I would have a problem with it. I don't care much for fake hair, boobs, or butt injections. My initial attraction is looks, so it would bother me. I don't want to touch a fake body. Even if the relationship is good, I'm still going to have thoughts about her if she is bald headed (not that all bald chicks don't look hot). Would I feel deceived, certainly yes. That is something I need to know in the beginning of the relationship. Whether I choose her or not, I would respect her more. Now there are some exceptions. I understand that some women need artificial hair and in those cases, I might let it slide. ONLY if it doesn't fall apart. Love and attraction are two different things in my eyes, so I need both.

Answer 3

Most of us are shy in one way or another or at one time or another. It is natural. Shyness is when we fear the consequences of our actions and are paralyzed to the extent that we cannot do what we would like to do. In dating, this becomes an acute issue due to having to put ourselves well outside our comfort zone. We wish to retreat into our shell and protect ourselves rather than take on the 'dangers' of opening up to a stranger.
Sometimes when we are shy it is simply easier to avoid dating and say no to someone. It is easier to not approach the person we like and make excuses. When you see someone you like at the bar you clearly want to introduce yourself but hope they make the first move. You can get Dutch-courage from having a few beers or wines which will allow you to become more confident. So overcoming shyness is often a matter of confidence by degrees.

Being shy as a woman is often an attractive quality, and the right kind of confident guy will take you gently out of your shyness and open the situation up.
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Answer 4

Trust me, a lot of men are shy, too. Try and be yourself. If that isn't good enough for them, too bad.

You are who you are. You'll find a guy in due time. First, you have to put yourself in situations to meet guys. Can't meet them if you are at home. Unless you do it on-line.

Start letting your friends know that you would like to go out with them on the weekends. You can always meet guys when you are around other ladies.

There are also many different social functions to attend. I have two friends that are simply gorgeous. They are extremely religious and have a hard time finding dates. So, be open with who you meet. Give them a fighting chance.

Answer 5

Join the club- I've been on my own for two years, and have got tired of dating wimpy men.
I went out with some female (married) friends recently and was shocked at how forward they were with complete strangers- and I'm not shy!!
Yet- I cannot bring myself to behave in that way- we can't change what we are, and I hope that someday I will meet someone who understands me.
I hope the same happens for you!

Answer 6

have you tried on line sites? lots of guys on there are scammers, but lots aren't. on line gives you the opportunity to kinda get to know someone before you have to actually meet in person. having things in common with someone is one of the best ways to feel more comfortable around them. after talking on line, you can move to the phone, and then eventually get together if you both so choose. and when you do get together do something that you both enjoy so that there is less of a chance of awkwardness on that first 'date'
----good luck----- :)

Answer 7

lot times feel comfortable men

Answer 8

life is too short to be shy.
the journey that leads to 1000 steps..begins with that 1 step.
go out there and meet them.
there are wonderful people in our world..find them!

Answer 9

i would say most people get shy around somebody they are attracted to. its about conquering your fears. a little alchol can help break the ice. i dont mean getting drunk either. don't let it get to your thought, lots of us are the same.