My dad divorced her and did just leave her hanging with bills that he normally takes care of among other things and she expects me to hate him and only talk to him when she wants me to convince him to help her more. I don't want to be involved at all. She is playing the role of the victim and maybe my dad should help her more during this time, but she is always getting me to ask him to help more bc she thinks he will listen to me. I don't want to be involved at all. I love both of my parents regardless of anything and she can't seem to understand how I can even talk to him after he did this unless its to convince him to help her more. I can't get through to her and all she does is cry about how I he f***ed her over and how it hurts her that I stay in contact with him. I don't know what to do, I can't get through to her. I want my dad to help her more, but I don't want to be the middleman either.
2007-06-18 10:24:19 · 23 answers · asked by kristajade 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Words to the wise, stay out of their mess, it to hard on the kids.
2007-06-18 10:26:40 · answer #1 · answered by kim t 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The courts will establish the sets amounts for your dad. If they think your mom needs help it will happen. Do not get inolved. It is between the 2 adults. If your dad is so unconcerned about the welfare of the people he lived w/ for so long then so be it... He needs to be moved on then.... This may be a reason ...1 of the reasons the marriage ended & it has nothing to do w/ you... You as a child will be taken care of but sadly not as what you were accustomed too. Divorce does this but you will have what you need not what you want.... Your Dad will have to start out all over again and he sounds like a selfish man b/c he doesn't have concern for your feeling of wanting HIM to help your mom.... I am sorry this has had to effect you . One day you will look back and the suffering you will have had will become an inpact on your adult life ... I hope it helps you make wise decisions instead of make you bitter. Your dad could help w/ the difficult transition but refuses 4 whatever reasons...Take life as it comes and be strong. When God shuts 1 door he opens up another.. There is NO GAIN w/ o pain..... See the positive and it will come . Selfish people tend to regret the past they left.. but unless they see thier mistakes they will always repeat them.... B/c your dad deserted your mom DON"T you do it . She needs you now more than ever b/c her best friend ...your dad leaves her hanging..... You must realize a marriage is based on a best friendship .... When that is gone they no longer have anything....... That is why they r divorced.....
2007-06-18 10:47:51 · answer #2 · answered by lilly l 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Poor kid. Parents do this all the time. Your mom wants a different kind of child support, she wants you to support her. You can do that without being the go between and the messenger. Remember Mom may not get it at first, she is hurt and angry and it is really hard for parents not to ask kids during this painful time to be the messenger.
Here is some gentle advice.
1. First, Acknowledge that she is hurting. "Mom, I am sorry you are going through this big change and I know it is scary for you to be responsible for everything alone." If the words won't roll off, write her a note or card.
2. Tell her that you don't want to judge your dad as a HUSBAND, but only as a father.
3. Tell her firmly and respectfully that anything she needs, she is going to have to ask him. Suggest to her writing a note or using email if possible.
4. Finally, see if you can't look in the paper or through Catholic Charities for a divorce share group. Ask her to go for you, she needs a grown up to vent to. Or show her how to use the computer and share with other women using on line journals in the same situation (now don't read it) Tell her you need her to let you be the kid and please talk to an adult.
5. Show her your question.
6. Good Luck sweetie and don't forget for you to find a friend to talk to about all this, divorce is hard on kids, even when they are older.
2007-06-18 10:37:34 · answer #3 · answered by donny_mollysmom 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Wow - that sucks. If you haven't already, tell her that you don't want to get involved when she asks you to talk to your dad about things that are between the two of them. Just keep refusing to be the in-between person. If it gets too bad, I would go live with your dad or another family member or friend. Your mom is abusing you by putting you in this position. Tell her she needs to stop because it's hurting your relationship. She must understand that your dad divorced her - not you and you have no reason to hate him.
2016-05-19 00:10:42 · answer #4 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell your mom that although you are not happy with what your Dad has done, you still love him as much as you love her because you are his child, not his wife. Ask her to please find someone to talk to other than you about her relationship with your Dad. She is out-of-line by crying on your shoulder and expecting you to carry the burden and/or choose a side. It is hard to see her hurting, I am sure but if she was thinking straight - she would know better then to dump this on you in the first place. If she asks you to call him again to ask for money or something else, just tell her that your Dad won't discuss those things with you any longer and will only talk to her about them and then TELL YOUR DAD what has been going on so he knows that he will be talking to her in future and not you.
Good luck. I wish people who get divorced, although bitter and angry, would learn to keep the kids out of it as the kids still love them both and shouldn't be pushed into picking a side - it's unfair to them and it's also childish.
2007-06-18 10:37:05 · answer #5 · answered by Stefka 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
explain to your mom that you know that your dad hurt her and she feels betrayed. But it is between her and your father. Unfortunately in divorce parents sometimes try to put there kids in the middle. You don't say how old you are but you sound like an adult that has there own life. Reasure your mom that you love and will be there for her but let her know that you also love your dad and if she needs something from him she needs to ask him or go to court. You were raised with both of them and you love both of them. It is wrong to make you chose between them. If she didn't get a fair settlement in the divorce she needs to talk to her lawyer not you.
2007-06-18 16:30:05 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi, this is a hard time for you, I had been married for 23 years and just told that he wants a divorce, that was 8 months ago, I would never put my lads in the middle. Your mum ought to talk to someone who has been through a divorce, it will be hard for her (as I have found out) but she should not get you to do the work for her. Talk to your dad if you can and let him know how you feel about all this and that you don't want to be caught in the middle. I hope everything works out for you.
2007-06-18 10:34:00 · answer #7 · answered by kezz1 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell her that. Tell her how it isn't fair to you, and he hurt her, not you so there is no reason for you to cut off contact for someone who helped bring you into the world. Tell her this is between him and her, not you. You'd rather not be in the middle, and tell her if she doesn't stop, in the longrun, she can be pushing you away from her.
Also tell your dad the same, only ask if he can help out a little more, and that you still love him regardless of what your mom says. And leave it at that. Tell them you love them equally and that isn't gonna change.
2007-06-18 10:30:10 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am SO SORRY that you are being dragged into this.
PLEASE tell your mom as soon as possible that regardless of HER situation with your father that you are still the child in this situation, not her friend. REGARDLESS of your age you not her referee. You really need to stop it before it gets any worse.
If she doesn't respect your feelings then when she starts barking about it again just get up and walk away. Eventually she will get the hint.
Good luck and I hope everything works out.
2007-06-18 11:02:28 · answer #9 · answered by amycheesehead 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am a Mom in a similar situation. It's easy to stick our children in the middle. But I hope I never have. I want our son to love his Dad and have a relationship with him. What my ex did to me has nothing to do with our son. Do you have any other family members that you can talk to about this? Somebody needs to tell your Mom not to involve you. Her anger is overtaking her good judgement. I feel for her, but I feel for you more. Good luck to you.
2007-06-18 10:29:31 · answer #10 · answered by wc2ketey 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sit down with your parents TOGETHER and tell them both to back off and not bring you into their s.hit. ask them nicely, and tell them seperately that you'd like to have a talk,all three of you. tell them to get over their differences for 5 minutes(or however long it'd take to smooth things out)and let you talk. tell your mother that your dad is your dad and you love him despite the fact that she doesn't; you're not physically part of your mother, and you have a different attitude about your father.you do have a great sense to stay out of the middle, keep doing that! I hope this helps...lots of luck with that situation!
2007-06-18 10:52:29 · answer #11 · answered by Ansley119 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋