I've separated from my husband ,and wee have 3 kids.He is 20 years older than me and I've decided to leave him due to the fact that I never was In love with him....( and also some issues that wee had )..
I've been trying my luck ...but all the guy's that I've dated turned out to only want one thing ( s*x)
My Ex it's been asking me to go back ...but I still don't love him ...I just feel sorry for him....What should I do in this situation ?
2007-06-18 09:44:31 · 27 answers · asked by Juliet 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Feeling sorry for someone isn't a reason to be with them!
On the other hand, you at one time committed to him...and those vows aren't just to be thrown away. Love is about a lot more than feelings...its a dedication to be together and to work at things and to support each other and raise kids, etc. Consider if you are willing to do all of those things with him...or if you'll continue to feel sorry for him...then make your decision.
2007-06-18 09:50:01 · answer #1 · answered by its about time 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'd start by asking what you want. Returning to him and being miserable and unhappy will not do him or you any favours. Instead you'll both be miserable and that will affect the kids too.
It's not necessary to be in love with him but it does help if you admire him and respect him and it helps if you can see him at least as a close friend. Many people go through life like that and are happy, though perhaps not blissfully happy. You could also ask yourself what it is that he's not been fulfilling and how important it is to you. Once you understand that you could try to help him understand your needs a little and see if he's willing to pamper you a bit more than in the past.
I'd not move in with him just now though. That would simply condone what happened before and nothing will change in the future. But if the two of you could honestly talk about your respective needs and perhaps date each other for a few months, perhaps out of that may emerge a relationship that is more in keeping with what you've always dreamed about.
But to return just because you feel sorry for him? No, I don't think that's a good idea for you or for him.
I hope that helps a little. Good Luck!
2007-06-18 10:45:26 · answer #2 · answered by Shutterbug 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hi, here i speak from personal experience.. I split with my husband ten years ago and he hounded me and kept on calling and writing and i felt so sorry for him that eventually i went back.. it never was the same and i started to resent him again and all the old feelings came back, i didnt love him in the way a wife should, now i love sex but not with my husband so that became an issue, anyhoo the resentments built up again and i left him for someone else as i was so unhappy. However, i can surely see why you would go back as i am not perfect and my new relationship isnt working and yep my ex want s me back and you know, its crap but its easy to go back when there is nowhere else to go especially when kids are involved. sorry this probably doesnt help but just think can you live your life without love and passion, as this is the compromise you will be making.
I wish you well
2007-06-18 10:15:37 · answer #3 · answered by boxer 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Not a very good reason to go back to someone. It is also not a very good situation to remain faithful. Men are men and yes they want sex. If you take time to just date them it isn't hard to figure out which of us JUST want sex and which of us want sex because it's a natural progression to the relationship. If you have only recently separated then stop trying to date for a while. A good time frame is about a year after the divorce is final. Most people don't wait that long but you'll have a very clear head on your shoulders if you do.
2007-06-18 09:58:17 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
going back because you feel sorry is a sad excuse to say that you are lonely and want companionship and he's the only one willing right now. Just wait, you will find the right guy when the time is right. But for your sake, his sake and of course the kids, don;t go back just for pity sake. No one will be the winner in that relationship! You broke up for a reason and unless that reason has changed, it will not work the second time around either.
2007-06-18 09:52:33 · answer #5 · answered by HedaNova 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, i'm in a similar situation, ex hus. 3 kids, problems etc. I feel sorry for my ex too sometimes but I would never get back with him not for any reason. There are too many issues in that relationship and none of them are positive ones. It's just so much better for me and the kids being apart from him and I think it's better for him too. Think about the long term. Not short term.. You may feel bad now but he will get over it.
2007-06-18 09:50:46 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
hi there look this is really a hard one to answer ....you hav3e to want to be there ,as you have experienced there are all sorts of problems that come along in marriage .... you really have to stop and think hard on this ....do you love him at all? if youre still saying no but you feel sorry for him ....im going to be really honest here with you .....i would be friends but that would be it you should never go back to something as in the end you could end up hating each other .....why do you feel sorry for him ? is it because of his age .....you will be suprized how many woman want an older man .......to go back on that basis is not going to do any of you any good are you going back as youre sick to the back teeth of the younger male as they are only after one thing as youve said .....be honest with him ....tell him you love him as a friend the best friend ever but us getting back together is a bad idea as i cant give you any more than friendship ,being honest will hurt but adleast youre being honest with the guy .........and the other thing is never ever use the kids as pawns in youre way of splitting up this really destroys the kids as ive seen it so many times !! good luck and take care xx
2007-06-18 09:58:47 · answer #7 · answered by a parent hows been there !! 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No one ever found happiness by settling. You already know the answer to this question. NO.
Dating is hard, being lonely sucks, but being true to yourself and having some integrity is the most amazing feeling in the world.
And furthermore, how would you feel if someone was with you out of pity?
Maybe get some counceling; it sounds like you have some self esteem issues to work out.
2007-06-18 09:50:13 · answer #8 · answered by Courtney 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, it is not okay. If you do this, then it will also involve those children. They will see that you do not love their father, and then in turn not know how to love themselves. Children learn
how to interact with people from their parents. Maybe you can be a friend, and do things together with your children, but do not go back as his wife. You will find a good guy somewhere, so do not give up.
2007-06-18 09:53:12 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
LOVE HIM ENOUGH TO STAY AWAY FROM HIM. That is the most reasonable and gracious way to be, if you do not love him. Why win his heart only to leave him again later, when someone more suited to you comes along.
Why did you marry him in the first place? Good luck
2007-06-18 12:36:12 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋