my best friend is 8 months pregnat, about a month and a half ago we made appointments to have a spa day and get messages, well her husband died in Iraq shortly after planning this...she told me she still wanted to go and we are looking forward to it, she is very excited. I was wondering if i should call the spa and tell them to tell my friends message theripist to not mention the father. i want my friend to have a nice relaxing day and thats a tuff question when it comes up...or should i not say anything becuase maybe she would like to say it? i'm not sure my first instinct is to tell them ask anything about the baby but do not mention the father?? not sure.
2007-06-18 09:35:14 · 40 answers · asked by lovely 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
shes getting a maternity message btw.
2007-06-18 09:35:30 · update #1
i was thinking they might bring it up, they usually chit chat before they start the message and her being pregnat adds to the chit chat
2007-06-18 09:40:57 · update #2
thank you everyone for your kind words, she is a strong woman and is doing so well, she is just trying to stay strong for her little unborn baby...it is a sad thing that happend and she just takes it a day at a time, we all miss him he was a wonderful man...to the wives who answerd my question your husbands are in my prayers everynight, i pray that all the troops come home safely.
2007-06-18 10:08:36 · update #3
Yes. That would be very considerate of you to make the call and explain the situation. Be sure to talk to the manager. Very nice of you to think of that.
2007-06-18 09:38:32 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 9⤊ 2⤋
Gosh, that's awful. I feel so bad for your friend. I'm 36 weeks and couldn't imagine not having my husband. Yes, go ahead and call the spa and fill them in, I would. Go with your instincts and add that if she feels like talking about him, then it's ok, but let your friend bring her husband up first.
About the massage...
I had a pregnancy massage a few weeks back...make sure she is properly hydrated (drinks a lot of water) before the massage and doesn't have to drive afterwards. I felt so dehydrated and dizzy after my massage, plus I had to drive home.
You're a good friend for thinking about this in advance.
2007-06-18 09:43:09 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hmm, that is a tough one! I would probably call and let them know what the situation is, but maybe not give them strict instructions not to bring up the father. It may actually be good for her to talk about it some with someone else, a complete stranger. Also, keep in mind that sometimes the "touch" sensation that you get from a massage can make you very emotional, so it may help her to let out some pain. Just be there for her, thats all you can do and I'll pray for her. Good Luck!
2007-06-18 09:40:59 · answer #3 · answered by Chrissy 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Wow - what a great friend you are. Really. That shows real concern for your friends feelings and I commend you for it. I would call ahead and let them know the situation. It could turn out to be a sad day for her if she has all kinds of people asking about the father. There are plenty of unwed people that are having babies, it could be that the father wouldn't even come up. But just in case, I would call. Great idea. I'm so sorry for your friends loss - if it ever comes up in conversation, please tell her how much I appreciate her and her husbands ultimate sacrifice. He had the guts to put on a uniform and keep my kids safe even at the expense of his life. I'm forever grateful. She'll be in my prayers.
2007-06-18 09:57:23 · answer #4 · answered by Linnie 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well, i'm sorry to hear of your friends husband,my brother is in iraq, and I hear how dangerous it is too often. but death is a very touchy subject. I lost my daughter 3 days after she was born last year, and really, the best thing for your friend, is she really does have to learn how to deal with people in those kinds of situations on her own. it will come to her, and she will know what to do. the thing is, I understand that you want to protect her, like any good loving friend would do. but what has happend has happend. and you can't protect her from everything. what she deals with now, she deal with everyday, and it makes her a stronger wiser woman. she's been through a lot of mental changes recently I'm sure, and you should look up to her braveness to even want to go out in the world. some people don't want to leave thier house after a loss. so, even tho you want to help avoid sticky situations for her, it's best to just try and let her handle it. she will have to on her own someday anyway. this is all from my experience. I hope this helps.
2007-06-18 09:43:40 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
That is a tough one, it sounds like you are a wonderful and caring friend to want to do that for your friend. We need more people like you in the world. But I don't think I'd tell the spa place not to talk about it , just let things come as they may. I know this has to be hard for you and your friend but it sounds like she wants to try and get back into things so probably the best thing for her is to just go and hope for the best.
2007-06-18 09:41:36 · answer #6 · answered by Muffin 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
That's actually not a bad idea to tell the spa ahead of time. I'd either call them the day before or catch them as soon as you walk in the door and discreetly tell them that the child's father has passed.
You're a good friend and she's lucky to have you..
2007-06-18 09:40:06 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
God bless her. my husband served in Iraq, she is going through my worst nightmare. I would call the spa ahead of time and make them aware of the situation. the staff shouldn't be getting chatty with her in the first place really. i went to a top spa in DC and the staff does not chat much with the client. it is a time for the client to relax and space out... i would still make them aware of the situation though. on behalf of all iraqi vets wives thank you for being so supportive. you would really be surprised at how little support we actually get. thank you so much. God bless you both, and the little one.
2007-06-18 09:49:19 · answer #8 · answered by User Name 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
yes I would call the spa and let them know about the situation....she is pregnant and they can see that and she is getting a maternity massage so it is only natural for the massage therapist to ask about the baby....If your friend says anything about the father then the therapist will not be shocked with hearing that information either.....
we could all use a considerate friend like you :)
2007-06-18 09:45:48 · answer #9 · answered by bernman101 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just my opinion:
I wouldn't tell them not to mention anything about the father. Most people now-a-days are afraid to ask personal questions anyway. And besides, all it takes is one question, and they won't ask anymore.
You never know, she may just want to get it out anyway. But don't tell them that, she may feel like something is wrong or out of place if it's unusual for people not to ask.
This is a touchy subject.
Pray on the matter!
Best wishes to you and your friend.
2007-06-18 09:40:16 · answer #10 · answered by ♥LadyC♥ 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Call the spa and mention that she recently lost her husband in the war and leave it at that.
We like to make the experience as enjoyable and pleasant as possible. Spa's want to cator to clients individual needs. By all means, make the call.
2007-06-18 09:40:30 · answer #11 · answered by sleepingliv 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋