He has been separated for well over a year and he and his ex agree on the terms of the divorce. They are both ready for the divorce but remain on good terms. The problem is that she does not have the $ to pay for the divorce (about $1000) and he has some of the $ but is paying child support and other bills which means that it will take a while to come up with the rest of the money.
He and I want to get married later this year. I have the $ to give or lend him to pay for the divorce but I dont know if it would be right for me to lend/give it to him. He is a really great guy and Im not even sure if he would take the money if I offered it because he does not like hand outs. Should I help him out?
2007-06-18 08:55:18 · 29 answers · asked by Kelly 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I can't even begin to list all the reasons why that would be a terrible idea.
2007-06-18 08:57:50 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 3⤋
Um, NO!! First of all, if they both agree upon the terms of the settlement...it should cost nowhere near $1,000.00. If both parties have reached agreeable terms, they can have their papers drawn up by an online service, take the paperwork to the courthouse and file themselves. The total cost would be somewhere around $300.00. Secondly, I fail to see how it is your responsibility to pay for them to end their marriage. If they were serious about wanting the divorce, believe me..they would find a way to pay for it. They could both pawn their wedding rings and have enough. I understand that you love him and are very eager to marry him. But if I were you, I would be really careful here. If he wants to marry you later this year than perhaps he had better find a way to pay for his divorce himself. I am not sure which state you live in, but when I filed for divorce (with no children), it was a 60 day waiting period between filing and the petition being granted. I wish you the best of luck!
2007-06-18 16:08:06 · answer #2 · answered by Sophie 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If he doesn't want a hand out, give him a loan with a repayment schedule. I dont blame you for wanting to help him out, im doing the same thing, the only difference is my mans ex is a b*tch with money and refuses to pay for anything---although she gets a small fortune monthly in child support. He wants to get legally married, we have been together for almost 6 years, so to get it over with sometimes you have to help them out a bit.
2007-06-18 16:08:18 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why would you want to marry some one, you have to lend money to pay for his divorce? Think about that. That's messed up.
2007-06-18 16:00:24 · answer #4 · answered by melody 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You want to marry a man who can't even pay for his divorce, yet he's ready to jump into another marriage? Imagine how your life will be when you marry this man. "I can't pay the mortgage, cause I have to pay child support and other bills." Way to walk into this disaster.
2007-06-18 16:08:07 · answer #5 · answered by ron-D 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you do help him out, make sure you have the deal in writing.. you lend him the money and he pays you back.
Make it like a business proposition and he may feel better about accepting it, also it protects you.
2007-06-18 15:59:10 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Undoubtedly no!!. I have seen this a few times in my practice and it rarely works out and the girlfriend gets stuck with the debt. Urge hims to get a second job, borrow from his folks, whatever, but do not pay for his last mistake.
2007-06-18 18:34:46 · answer #7 · answered by buffsblg 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, don't give him the money for his divorce. Just wait until he pays for it and then you can get married. If you're really serious about this guy, you can wait.
2007-06-18 16:02:43 · answer #8 · answered by evafeld19 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yikes! Please Please Please watch your purse strings in relationships! I understand because we as women often have the desire to "help" our man out of certain situations ( it hurts to see people we love struggle) but please be wary. Divorce is hard and expensive, especially when it's not YOUR divorce. Offer advice, offer support, do not offer to foot a divorce bill. See when you could be used. We should all set boundaries in relationships and "No I will not pay for your divorce" should be one of them. Let a man be a man. If he doesnt ask you to pay, DONT. and if he does LEAVE.
2007-06-18 16:20:34 · answer #9 · answered by Ronnibilly 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, if he wants it bad enough he will get 20 jobs to pay for it. Also if he wants you bad enough. That's just a crutch. If he wanted to marry you like he "says" he would have done it a long time ago. Let him be a man and earn it himself.
2007-06-18 16:09:17 · answer #10 · answered by G L 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
not a good idea, thats their situation to deal with, not yours. he hasnt even proposed to you so how do u know for sure u guys are going to get married? let him tie up that without your help it just would mae things messy and complicated and it might be leading u on. i mean after i got a dvorce im not sure if i would be ready to get married a year later.
2007-06-18 16:04:20 · answer #11 · answered by spadezgurl22 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋