What is wrong with me?

Question

My husband and I are having real trouble. We argue quite a bit and here lately it's even been in front of the children. Which I know is unacceptable. It's really gotten bad here in the last month or so.
To give some background info. we have two children and we both work full time jobs. I take care of the household chores and children completely. My husband goes fishing, works out and basically does whatever he wants. He comes and goes as he pleases. I do all these things for my children not so much my husband, because I'm fed up at this point. Relationships are 50/50. Now on top of it all he accuses me of cheating on him, which I'm not. How would I have time? To make matters worse he puts me down pretty often. Calling me names, saying I'm fat, washed up, and that no one else would want me because I have stretch marks and two kids. Still yet he expects me to have sex with him at the end of the day. To me this is just rediculous. That all he cares about. Am I wrong?

Answer 1

It sounds as though you may be in an abusive relationship. Hitting is NOT the only way to abuse someone; if you are putting them down and calling them names, if you're telling them that noone else will want you, that's abuse. The fact that he is not stepping up to his responsibilities is another red flag. It would appear that you two desperately need marriage counseling; if he doesn't want to go, do it for yourself. You need to assess if this is what you want for the long-term, is this good for the children involved, and what your options are. The fact that you hold down a full-time job and keep the house together shows that you are a strong, competent woman. Now you need to determine if this marriage is for you, what to do to change things, and if it's time to leave or stay. Good luck and God bless.

Answer 2

I hate to break it to you, but it sounds to me as though your husband has done or is doing something he shouldn't be and is laying some blame on you so that he can fell that it is or was okay for him to do what he did. He is now at the point of breaking you down by telling you your fat, stretch marks no one will want you crap so this way if you find out you won't leave him.
You have just discribed my old life, stand strong, 1st many men will want a women that is capable of multitasking a job and a family and believe it or not love her and assist her in the daily routines around the home. Second not sure if you really want to kow the truth if your husband had and affair or not, but if you plan on staying with him you need to tell him, he will either help around the house or he will be on his own making his own meals. BTW if it ever comes to a split remember you did on your own even with him there, you can do it on your own w/o him there.

Answer 3

what an *** hole. it's time for time apart. i am not saying leave him, but get some air, time apart. If he really loves you maybe he is just stressed out... What am I saying your a good women you are over his stupid ways, good for you. You take care of your kids more than him good. Your not washed up, nor fat and hey stretch marks are a sign of your hard work i have them and it's all good. try your best not fight in front of the kids. i can't say do not fight back b/c kids take things in more than what you think. Send them outside, to a Friends, family, and have a deep deep talk with your husband tell him whats going on in your head. And if he can't change work harder b/c people give up to easy these days. give it time. THERE IS NOTING WRONG WITH YOU.

Answer 4

Your husband probably finds someone else attractive and wants to have a sexual relationship with her. He keeps blaming you for cheating so that if he cheats in his mind he can justify himself. I did it, cause you did it.....

Your husband is an a55hole. He still thinks he is living in a hotel where he gets free sex whenever he wants. He is probably fantasizing about other women when he is sleeping with you. He has no right to verbally and mentally abuse you. I think you will be better of with out him and that is what he wants a divorce, so then he can do screw other women. Sorry honey but there is not advice you will get here that will help save your marriage. I think its over. If you choose to live, you will only subject yourself and your kids to more abusive.

Answer 5

There is nothing wrong with you, but your marriage is certainly in trouble. You need to get him into counseling. As a first step, I recommend the book listed below (about $10) for you to think about how the two of you interact, and to be able to tell him your concerns and complaints without him shutting you down or blowing it all off. He definitely has some growing up to do! Good luck!

Answer 6

First impulse from others replying to you is to "Ditch him or kick him to the curb" etc,

That doesn't sound like bad advice BUT if you want your marriage to work and your love him then try and see if you both can get into some marriage counseling. (Mostly for him)

If he refuses and won't change because you ask him to...consider the next step and ditching him. Too many other good men out there. Believe me, I see this type of problem everyday.

Answer 7

There is nothing wrong with you, you are doing everything that you possibly can.
I would be looking at him, and asking myself...why does he call me these names and then expects sex?
Could he be trying to make up for something that he has done? Maybe cheating himself? Since he accused you, turn the mirror around and see what it reflects when you look at him.
He comes and goes as he pleases, and you are stuck at home...I would be asking, are you accusing me because this is what you have done?
Just remember that YOU are BEAUTIFUL! YOU were made by GOD, and to him all things are beautiful.
Tell your husband to settle down and get himself together or you are going to kick him to the curb! You have to little ones to care for, you get the house to keep them in...let him go and play with his friends!

Answer 8

Then do just the opposite and stick it in his face. Do the minimum laundry for you and the kids, cook for you and the kids and stop cleaning the house and giving him sex. Let him cook for himself, do his own laundry and jack off along.

The name calling alone is grounds to cut off sex completely. He's suppose to honor and cherish you, not degrade you. Eventually it will come to a boiling point. Stand firm and set the ground rules: if he doesn't do his share, neither will you. Hell, pick a day and start having fun by yourself just as he does to you.

You either need to fix through hard communication and ground rules or leave the lazy bastard for someone who will appreciate you. Your a wife who deserves respect, not a maid, whore and homemaker.

Answer 9

Hey, do you want to borrow my frying pan to knock some sense into that fools head? I hate to say this, but if he doesn't respect you at all, dont have sex with him after he puts you down. That's like saying oh yeah you said some real sh*tty things to me, made me feel less than an inch tall, but here I'm going to give you my fat ugly body as a reward. Sorry but scr*w that, Id give him the couch to sleep on until he learns how to speak to and treat a woman.

Answer 10

Next time he thinks it's time to have sex, start in with enough foreplay to get him aroused and then suddenly go, "Hey, wait a minute! Why do you want to have sex with a fat, washed up woman with stretch marks?" And then proceed NO further until he answers the question. If he says he didn't mean it, make him apologize and extract his sincere promise never to say such things again. It is up to you to stop putting up with his behavior.