How do I tell my Husband that I don't want to be with him any more? That I fell in love with his best friend.

Question

His best friend and I fell in love much before i got married with my husband now... but I got pregnant so i stayed with him now i want to leave him cause i don't feel anything for him, but i can see that he really loves me.. and the worst part is that i love his friend and I would look really bad waht should I do I feel awfull to even see them together talking and his friend and I faking that we son't even like each other!! wahat should i do!! I'm tired of pretending I love who I don't feel anything for him and pretending I hate someone I really love!!

Answer 1

Be honest with him. It's going to hurt him. But this is what happens when people lie/pretend in order to spare someone's feeling. You should be ashamed that you didn't deal with this earlier, but now you owe your husband the truth.

Answer 2

Wow, I'm not going to judge, you for your mistakes. But, do spend a little time on reality check:

1) If your husbands so called best friend was a friend; he would not have betrayed him!
2) If he respected you and loved you, he would not have allowed you to make the mistake of getting married.
3) If he loved you, he would not have continued to use you after you got married.
4) Ask your lover if he is willing to have a meeting with your husband and explain, why you need a divorce. If he is not willing to do this, then you know he is not serious about you.
5) Are you sure your child is from your husband?
6) If your lover turns out to be a jerk, you are risking losing your husband and the father of your child??
7) If you don't really love your husband, then just divorce him, without telling him about the double cross, because then he would not know if the child is his or not.

Only you have the final answer, but make the one that is best for your child too.

Why are you still dwelling on this issue, you asked it 4 months ago, and said you would stay with your husband and be faithful????

Answer 3

You have to deny yourself the love you think you feel for your husbands friend. You are married and you can't act on your feelings or you will be committing adultery. You must stay far away from this other man. Let your own husband intoxicate you only.

Yes you won't only look bad if you go with the other guy, you will be bad. A Jezebel, an adulteress. Bad news. You have free will to commit this sin, but you can not decide the consequences and they are dire. You are walking on very dangerous hot ground. If you want to know what God says about marriage get yourself a New Living translation of the Holy Bible it's written in plain modern English and read it for yourself. No sense in walking into HELL with your eyes wide open, be informed.

Answer 4

Jealousy is a terrible thing, both for the person who is being eaten alive by it, and for the person who has to live with someone with out of control jealousy. Sometimes irrational jealousy can drive a wedge between spouses. Sometimes if you accuse a spouse of cheating all the time they come to think that if that is what you are going to believe anyway, they may as well cheat. You admit that most of your jealousy is in your own mind. Now that your husband has crossed the line, you feel justified for not trusting him. But there is just as much of a chance that your ranting about it all the time is at least in part responsible for what happened. You need to get some professional help to deal with your issues before your marriage really is over, if it isn't already.

Answer 5

Good grief woman, you have a child to think of !! Do you really want to mess up the poor babies life because of your childish and selfish attitude?

You have no scriptural reason to divorce your husband since he hasn't committed adultery so you need to stay in the marriage and instead of thinking of the other guy, start putting energy into your husband and child and build a happy home.

And it probably wouldn't be a bad idea to tell your husband you are attracted to his best friend and ask him to help you through this difficult time. You need to get some counseling from your preacher and get yourself back on track. And you need to start giving 100% of yourself to your marriage instead of the measly 20 or 30% you are giving now.

You can love your husband if you really want to but so far you haven't chosen to as you live with this fantasy ~ the grass is always greener on the other side. Work on it and do everything you can to make your husband and child happy and quit thinking of yourself.

Answer 6

You're married to your husband and you have a baby together. Stay and make it work. To leave your husband for another guy would be like exchanging one set of problems for another. Most women find out that the grass is NOT always greener on the other side, and they wish they had tried to make their marriage work out instead of leaving. Also, the fact that your husband would be deeply hurt by not only his wife, but his best friend, will definitely affect your relationship with the new guy. It would never work because of that. You have a guy right now who loves you and your child. That's more than alot of women have in life. Don't take it for granted. You loved your husband once. Try to remember that and make a good life with him. Don't destroy your husband for your own selfish reasons.

Answer 7

Tough one! How long have you known you were in love with the friend? I commend you on trying to make it work with your husband since you had his baby, but sometimes things just weren't meant to be. It must be hard for his friend to see you two together since he really loves you and has to see his best friend having you.

Are you sure it's love and not just an attraction of lust? If so, then I would leave the husband BUT give it plenty of time before going with the friend. That would be more than a kick in the teeth to your husband!!! And you don't want anyone thinking that you were having an affair the entire time. Then you'd risk having the kid taken from you, which I'm assuming you don't want.

Best of luck to you. Take your time in making this decision. I know it's hard, but if the friend really loves you too, then he'll wait until you're ready emotionallly and financially to leave his friend.

Answer 8

LET ME CLEAR THIS UP FOR THE PEOPLE ON HERE WHO IS TRYING TO MAKE YOU FEEL BAD....
1. PEOPLE MAKE MISTAKES
2. A QUESTION IS NOT AN OPEN INVITAtION TO HARSH JUDGEMENT
3. IF YOU DONT HAVE ANYTHING USEFULL TO SAY THEN DONT SPEAK!!

I assume you understand you were wrong in this situation...the best thing you can do is LEAVE...give your husband the respect of letting him know thr truth so that he can go out and find someone who will love him back... the longer you take to do this, the harder it will be on him and the child. I know it is painfull- but dont waste any more of his time- leave now- and explain that it can not be worked out (Dont make him believe you can work it out just to let him down easily- the truth hurts but there is no way around it!)

If you just come out and be open then everything should be ok in time.

Answer 9

This thing you feel for your hubbys best friend may be just lust....think about it, you've been with your hubby for how long?....what would happen if you throw all of that away and you don't feel the feeling you think you do for this other man, then you have ruined it.....you need to try and work this out for your childs sake.......you don't just go get divorced because you have feelings for someone else, you should have thought about this before you got married, i"m not putting you down or judging you at all, i'm just simpley saying you husband and son love you and there has to be things you love about your hubby, find those things again, try making it work and blocking your lust and fantasy about his bf out......

Answer 10

Youll be shocked to hear that I dont think that you are a terrible person. People screw up. People fall out of love. **** happens. I have been through the same thing (minus the child) and I know how agonizing this situation is. I urge you to set things straight. No matter how hard it is. This lie (if it continues) will destory you, your husband, the man you really love, your self esteem, and everything in between. The sooner you come out with the truth the better chance you will have at ever having a successful relationship with his friend...or anyone.

Stay strong. Good luck.

Answer 11

Yikes! If you fell in love with the friend before you married your husband, why did you even sleep with your (now) husband? OK, you marry him because you were thinking of the child, but the child doesn't figure into the matter anymore? It will look bad because it IS bad. I think you have a case of the 'grass is always greener....'. Hope you grow up before you stomp on more people.