I've been abducted by aliens and now need some legal advice?

Question

They're filing a paternity suit against me, what can I do?

Answer 1

Do notting till you get the blood test back.X Cindy

Answer 2

I take it you did not draft a pre-abductive agreement then. Don`t you people read news papers or watch Telly? After lengthy legal consideration I would have to say that you are ( copy and paste magic word here)ed. The average alien child takes 450years to reach adulthood during which time they will consume £450,000,000 worth off fois gras and beluga caviar, and that`s if you are doing it on the cheap and not importing macerated Limkit ganglions from Uber Yahoo 3.
You as the father will be required to pay for all this plus education and nappies ( Oh my god the nappies!). If you do not have sufficient funds to finance this expense then the courts will order that you are bound in silk so that your child can suck the juices from your body for sustenance. Your case is hopeless but I am of course your obedient servant and will happily litigate on your behalf until all available funds have been exhausted.

Answer 3

Step a million prepare your position till now you pass to mattress each evening. All residing house windows and doorways must be locked and lined with darkish hues. transportable door locks on each door prevent tampering. # Step 2 Sleep with the lights on or a flashlight through the mattress. because that some extraterrestrial beings will knock the means off till now they attempt abduction, you need to connect the mild to a battery backup. a device with an alarm will also warn you at the same time as the means is going out. # Step 3 Pray or meditate on a on a daily basis foundation, asking God, Allah or the spirits to guard you. Ask for safe practices for you, your kinfolk and your position. a non secular protect is between the most efficient equipment to lead away from an alien abduction. # Step 4 evaluate progression a concept exhibit helmet or hat. With foundation interior the aluminum hats of yesteryear, new concept monitors prevent telepathic abductions or recommendations probes. # Step 5 position crystals round your room to lead away from extraterrestrial beings. there are a selection of theories on how crystals paintings, yet many believe in basic terms having a crystal amulet or putting them from the ceiling can change the air of secrecy of your surroundings, making it better. # Step 6 Be mentally prepared for alien abductions. in case you come to words with the possibility of abduction and prepare your self bodily and mentally, the extraterrestrial beings would even see you as extra of a danger. they'll frequently pass on to someone who's way less secure.

Answer 4

Sometimes woman might seem alien to you but really they're not. Just best to do what they say and then you'll start to understand them a bit better. You sound very lucky to have been abducted by them. How many of them were there?

Answer 5

Hmmm - this is a tricky one.....now were these illegal aliens or legal ones.....oh wait if your in the US of course their illegal.

I would get a good attorney but if they come after you too strong put the Vulcan death grip on them and then call Pigs In Space (I hear they're into Mercenary work since the Muppets went off the air) and have them dump the body into a black hole.

Remember - You didn't see anything!

Answer 6

Start a war on another planet and send all the kids listed in the paternity suit there...

BUSH are you listening?

Or, file for custody and request child support.

Answer 7

Don't drink the water.Did they land you in Riverhead New York.See Riverhead is a strange place and most people that live here are Alien ,they put something in the water to make us stupid.
So don't drink the water and try to find an attorney from another planet.

Answer 8

Experience tells me that you need to keep moving on with your life. Never surrender personal private evidence. Evidence can be manipulated or incorrect. If you are the father and know you are seek advice immediately if not sooner. The father is the one that has accepted responsibility in the relationship they are in and can be legally the father without being the biological father.

Answer 9

Go back to the place of abduction, make a big sign saying "COME BACK" wait a bit, when they do, get them to write stations for you.

Go to the police with video evidence, finger. . . .Tentacle prints, photo's and perhaps an alien or two to confess.

File a law suit and walla!

Answer 10

Bad news for us all!! Under this government they are now entitled to housing , benefits and a small village for all their relatives , plus child allowance for all the other little aliens on their planet , plus travel expenses , you may just have cost us all an awful lot of money , does the kid look like you ???!!!